Which kind of gratitude are you choosing?

One kind of gratitude makes you cling to the object of its desire; the other one seems to leave you longing for nothing more than what is happening right in front of you. This is what I mean by that…

On Thanksgiving Day, as we add whipped cream to the pumpkin pie and the sun sets and the Christmas lights in our yard come on for the first time this season, I’m going to feel grateful. I work hard hanging the Christmas lights every year. I love the beauty they bring to the season. But if a strand of lights three-quarters of the way up the big pine doesn’t light up, my gratitude will dissipate quickly. I’ll be frustrated and fixated on fixing it first thing in the morning. In other words, my gratitude will be quite conditional, and it will increase my need to control life in order to stay grateful for it.

By contrast, this morning, I raised the blinds to behold was one of the most beautiful, peaceful, saddest, simplest things I’ve ever seen. One of the last trees of autumn, its leaves still dense and golden, was shedding them all at once. There was nary a breeze. Gravity was simply, finally winning. They twirled to the ground one-by-one and by dozens and by hundreds. A squirrel jumped into the tree and the branch it landed on instantaneously showered every one of its members to the ground. The rising sun glimmered through the thinning foliage.

I was mesmerized, and I think sometimes another word for mesmerized is grateful.

I knew I’d stumbled upon a fleeting moment in time and it couldn’t last forever and it would barely last the hour and that was okay. Indeed, more than okay. It somehow made me more at peace with being something that won’t last forever, either. The tree seemed to be showing me how to let go of some things—maybe even everything—with dignity and grace. For a few minutes, it left me grateful for the whole human experience. It was an unconditional kind of gratitude you don’t need to control. You simply enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

I guess what I’m saying is, watch out for the kind of gratitude that increases your need to control things in order to keep them the way they are, or to make them more the way you want them. And make a little more space for the gratitude that leaves you a bit in awe of everything else.

Of course, they're both legitimate forms of gratitude. The controlling kind, in the right dosages, can produce amazing things, from beautiful Christmas lights to staggering empires. However, I believe the mesmerizing kind points you toward the destination of everything—and it probably makes sense that, if you know the direction in which home lies, you’d start walking the road that takes you there.

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Speaking of gratitude, I’m deeply, deeply grateful for all of you. You’re the ones who, magically, by the simple act of reading my writing, transform it all from a journal entry into a piece like this, or a book like the ones I've written. As a small token of my gratitude, I want to gift a signed copy of my three books to one of you.

Just drop a word or two about what you’re grateful for in the comments. I'll randomly draw one name and announce the winner in next week’s post. (Note: I can only mail within the United States, but if you live elsewhere, we’d still love to hear what you’re grateful for!)

Of course, if you’re Black Friday shopping this week and want to purchase a copy or two for your loved ones, you can do so by tapping that button below. Happy Human holidays, everyone!