“I prayed for wonders instead of happiness,” writes Abraham Joshua Heschel, “and You gave them to me.” Happiness, when it happens, is almost always a byproduct of valuing and cultivating something else.
Wow!! " A soothed nervous system soothes nervous systems.".....I wrote in my journal yesterday about an experience I had with my five week old son. After struggling to sooth him for a while it occurred to me that trying to sooth him was not working. And so I turned my attention inward andinstead focused on soothing myself. I tuned into my own my body and my own breath. I breathed slowly and deeply, in and out. And by the third exhale. My previously inconsolable son was quitely asleep breathing slowly and deeply (at leas as slowly and deeply as little five week old lungs can). I had to share this as it's very timely real world evidence that supports the truth you share here.
What I find fascinating is that this is not the first I experienced this. A little over two weeks ago I had a similar experience that I also recorded in my journal as a profound new understanding. That was November 27th. That fascinating part is that between then and now, I forgot. How could I forget something so incredibly valuable....well, because I'm human! I'm grateful that your writing today could be the exclamation point on my second experience of using nervous systems to sooth nervous systems.
I've got a lot more to feel and say about your writing today but for now I must go prepare to step off a wooden plank knowing I'm on solid ground!
Thank you for sharing this lived version of the idea, Mike. At Companion Camp, someone said that a sixty second hug syncs the heartbeats of the two people hugging, and they both tend to slow down into a more soothed rhythm. We tried it and it worked. 😊
Dave and I have been practicing the 60 second hug regularly since CC23. It’s been soothing our nervous systems especially these last several days as we face tough family health decisions!
I also recently tried it with a dear friend who is in the midst of crisis and although it was new to her and the first 20 seconds or so seemed a bit awkward, she eventually relaxed into my embrace! So good!
What a great conversation. Just coming back from the ER, all good again, but wished they would not just put machines on me but someone would have hugged me for 60 seconds! Also I have always wondered if the American philosophy of having our little ones sleep in their own beds and even rooms is actually part of the problem. Because intuitively mamas want to hold their sick children and that seems to be just confirming here the nervous system rule. 🙏
This is a great story. The little ones just mirror our nervous systems, isn’t that something? We do often forget that it is us who need to calm down! Like your humor, too!
A perfectly timed reminder that peace is what I seek, and my source is the Prince of Peace. Your reflections so often direct me towards purpose and intentionality. Thank you!
For a long time I focused on self improvement with associated goals that were quite possibly unachievable—you know like perfection.😏. I realized just yesterday I haven’t felt that previous level of urgency to fix myself for a while. Acceptance of the whole of me has freed me to feel peaceful and simply curious about how I might change and grow. Instead of being weighed down by the seriousness of life I enjoy more lightness and appreciation. I’m glad my 70 years of experience has brought me to this place. I n many ways I feel I’ve finally begun truly living as opposed to fretting. So I, too, say yes to peace and contentment.
Thank you for this, Marilyn. Somewhere in the last few years, I started to value awareness of what is more than arriving somewhere else. Sounds like you and I are traveling the same road. 😊
Wow! That was beautiful and needed. It’s so true. Peace that is exactly what I’ve been striving for more of in my life. Striving might not be the correct word because that sounds contrary to peace. In reading that I realized why a certain person and situation was bothering me so. It is greatly disturbing my peace and I’ve been trying to keep it out and cannot short of cutting ties and or setting some VERY strong boundaries. Peace is very valuable and is bestowed on us through Jesus, a profound peace beyond our human understanding. Thank you for the reminder.
Linda, I love that awareness that somehow "striving for peace" is an oxymoron. It highlights that peace isn't something you do but somehow something you become. Thank you for that!
Your substack posts just keep showing how much you are enjoying your writing AND the comments are a testament that others are so glad you are sharing it with them! I see the byproduct of peace in your writing……JOY!
I very much appreciate your way of seeing the world inside and outside of us and gift of expressing them in words. They resonate deep within me. For over a decade now (started when recovering from a concussion) I have folded origami peace cranes for the Sadako Peace Monument, as I fold I repeat the words: This is my prayer. This is my cry. Peace in the world. At that particular moment I longed for peace within my brain, as I have folded and prayed thousands of cranes over the past decade, I have caught glimpses of the Truth of your words, experiencing peace within and around me. " A soothed nervous system soothes nervous systems."
That is a beautiful, beautiful practice, Matthew. Makes me wish my comment prompt was "Would love to hear about experiences that have cultivated peace in you." Whoever reads this, please feel free to carry on this thread Matthew has started!
This reminds me of this quote I do my best to remember. “When you have come to the edge of all the light you have And step into the darkness of the unknown Believe that one of the two will happen to you Either you'll find something solid to stand on Or you'll be taught how to fly!”
Richard Bach
Now mind you I use Faith is knowing one of the two (small edit, sentiment is important to me). faith in the unseen.
The gift of shining light on the possible road ahead for others is huge to me…doesn’t mean I need to walk it, however I love to explorer it to get to know those I love so much deeper.
Big hugs and I love you trusted there was something solid to stand on! ❤️
Thank you. I’m so excited for my books. I’m in complete agreement; that peace is truly what our heart seeks. I’ve never considered the perspective that happiness is a byproduct of seeking something else, or rather, the way you put it, cultivating something else. Peace are the seeds we plant, and it almost undoubtedly brings, a harvest of happiness. Additionally, how true the statement that a calmed nervous system, calms nervous systems. I find this to be absolutely true. I get to see it play out daily in my work as a therapist. On days when I am feeling unsettled, it’s as if I invite that energy into our space. Making sure I am healthy and emotionally regulated when I am simply present with clients has the greatest impact on our sessions. It takes a willingness and effort, ultimately yielding beautiful fruit.
Lindsey, they're going out tomorrow! 😊 And I couldn't agree more: the state of our nervous system is foundational to the work we do. So glad to connect with someone who is out there doing this work so well!
This was an eye opener for me this morning. My wife was struggling with a client who was blowing up her phone last night and I helped her see how it is better to provide peace than to teach a lesson. We are all struggling with something. Thank you for explaining in a way I could not.
Analisa, so glad this dovetailed with what you were experiencing last night. When we get dysregulated, it's so tempting to do something to control the situation in the hopes of regulating. Going directly within to soothe is often far more effective, isn't it?
I just finished The Unhiding of EC and whenever I looked at the cover I replaced my name. It was a wonderful guide for me and your writing puts words to my reality in ways that helps me understand it more. Thank you!
I also feel that peace is my intention now, where it used to be fun. What drove my decisions in my 20s what, what would be more fun? Life is pretty great to be able to reflect on…
Diana, that means so much to me. My hope is that all of us can see a little of ourselves in Elijah. I'm thrilled to hear you did and it had an impact on you!
I miss them as well! I am so happy for you with your books and other projects. You have grown in so many ways. It’s good to connect with you again at least on this platform.
Thank you for your wise words, again, Kelly. I really liked the comparison of being willing to believe that there is something solid under your feet, even when all your senses are telling you otherwise. It is something that I think I can wrap my brain around when I am in need of peace inside of me, especially when the holidays roll around. As you may have heard, for many, myself including, sometimes getting together with "family" can be stressful, so peace is badly needed. I will try to remember this in the coming days! Blessings to you during this holy season!
You know, I think I did hear something about that. 😂 May your holiday with family be marked by an inexplicable peace. More encouragement coming next week in that regard!
I really enjoyed reading your book "loveable".
Thank you for letting me know, Debbie!
Who knew that beautiful-er was so much more beautiful than beautiful? Thank you, Kelly.
Love it. You're welcome, Mike, hope you and yours are well!
Wow!! " A soothed nervous system soothes nervous systems.".....I wrote in my journal yesterday about an experience I had with my five week old son. After struggling to sooth him for a while it occurred to me that trying to sooth him was not working. And so I turned my attention inward andinstead focused on soothing myself. I tuned into my own my body and my own breath. I breathed slowly and deeply, in and out. And by the third exhale. My previously inconsolable son was quitely asleep breathing slowly and deeply (at leas as slowly and deeply as little five week old lungs can). I had to share this as it's very timely real world evidence that supports the truth you share here.
What I find fascinating is that this is not the first I experienced this. A little over two weeks ago I had a similar experience that I also recorded in my journal as a profound new understanding. That was November 27th. That fascinating part is that between then and now, I forgot. How could I forget something so incredibly valuable....well, because I'm human! I'm grateful that your writing today could be the exclamation point on my second experience of using nervous systems to sooth nervous systems.
I've got a lot more to feel and say about your writing today but for now I must go prepare to step off a wooden plank knowing I'm on solid ground!
Thank you for sharing this lived version of the idea, Mike. At Companion Camp, someone said that a sixty second hug syncs the heartbeats of the two people hugging, and they both tend to slow down into a more soothed rhythm. We tried it and it worked. 😊
Dave and I have been practicing the 60 second hug regularly since CC23. It’s been soothing our nervous systems especially these last several days as we face tough family health decisions!
I also recently tried it with a dear friend who is in the midst of crisis and although it was new to her and the first 20 seconds or so seemed a bit awkward, she eventually relaxed into my embrace! So good!
What a great conversation. Just coming back from the ER, all good again, but wished they would not just put machines on me but someone would have hugged me for 60 seconds! Also I have always wondered if the American philosophy of having our little ones sleep in their own beds and even rooms is actually part of the problem. Because intuitively mamas want to hold their sick children and that seems to be just confirming here the nervous system rule. 🙏
Glad to hear all is well, regardless of machines or hugs!
Thank you, Kelly.
This is a great story. The little ones just mirror our nervous systems, isn’t that something? We do often forget that it is us who need to calm down! Like your humor, too!
A perfectly timed reminder that peace is what I seek, and my source is the Prince of Peace. Your reflections so often direct me towards purpose and intentionality. Thank you!
I'm so glad this came at the right time, Sara, and you are welcome!
For a long time I focused on self improvement with associated goals that were quite possibly unachievable—you know like perfection.😏. I realized just yesterday I haven’t felt that previous level of urgency to fix myself for a while. Acceptance of the whole of me has freed me to feel peaceful and simply curious about how I might change and grow. Instead of being weighed down by the seriousness of life I enjoy more lightness and appreciation. I’m glad my 70 years of experience has brought me to this place. I n many ways I feel I’ve finally begun truly living as opposed to fretting. So I, too, say yes to peace and contentment.
Thank you for this, Marilyn. Somewhere in the last few years, I started to value awareness of what is more than arriving somewhere else. Sounds like you and I are traveling the same road. 😊
Wow! That was beautiful and needed. It’s so true. Peace that is exactly what I’ve been striving for more of in my life. Striving might not be the correct word because that sounds contrary to peace. In reading that I realized why a certain person and situation was bothering me so. It is greatly disturbing my peace and I’ve been trying to keep it out and cannot short of cutting ties and or setting some VERY strong boundaries. Peace is very valuable and is bestowed on us through Jesus, a profound peace beyond our human understanding. Thank you for the reminder.
Linda, I love that awareness that somehow "striving for peace" is an oxymoron. It highlights that peace isn't something you do but somehow something you become. Thank you for that!
A soothed nervous system... I love this.
Thanks, Courtney.
Your substack posts just keep showing how much you are enjoying your writing AND the comments are a testament that others are so glad you are sharing it with them! I see the byproduct of peace in your writing……JOY!
I really did enjoy writing this, Rho, I'm glad that came through in the reading! 😊
I very much appreciate your way of seeing the world inside and outside of us and gift of expressing them in words. They resonate deep within me. For over a decade now (started when recovering from a concussion) I have folded origami peace cranes for the Sadako Peace Monument, as I fold I repeat the words: This is my prayer. This is my cry. Peace in the world. At that particular moment I longed for peace within my brain, as I have folded and prayed thousands of cranes over the past decade, I have caught glimpses of the Truth of your words, experiencing peace within and around me. " A soothed nervous system soothes nervous systems."
That is a beautiful, beautiful practice, Matthew. Makes me wish my comment prompt was "Would love to hear about experiences that have cultivated peace in you." Whoever reads this, please feel free to carry on this thread Matthew has started!
This reminds me of this quote I do my best to remember. “When you have come to the edge of all the light you have And step into the darkness of the unknown Believe that one of the two will happen to you Either you'll find something solid to stand on Or you'll be taught how to fly!”
Richard Bach
Now mind you I use Faith is knowing one of the two (small edit, sentiment is important to me). faith in the unseen.
The gift of shining light on the possible road ahead for others is huge to me…doesn’t mean I need to walk it, however I love to explorer it to get to know those I love so much deeper.
Big hugs and I love you trusted there was something solid to stand on! ❤️
Nancy, I love it when someone offers a perfect quote to some up a piece of writing. You and Richard Bach nailed it. Thank you!
Thank you. I’m so excited for my books. I’m in complete agreement; that peace is truly what our heart seeks. I’ve never considered the perspective that happiness is a byproduct of seeking something else, or rather, the way you put it, cultivating something else. Peace are the seeds we plant, and it almost undoubtedly brings, a harvest of happiness. Additionally, how true the statement that a calmed nervous system, calms nervous systems. I find this to be absolutely true. I get to see it play out daily in my work as a therapist. On days when I am feeling unsettled, it’s as if I invite that energy into our space. Making sure I am healthy and emotionally regulated when I am simply present with clients has the greatest impact on our sessions. It takes a willingness and effort, ultimately yielding beautiful fruit.
Lindsey, they're going out tomorrow! 😊 And I couldn't agree more: the state of our nervous system is foundational to the work we do. So glad to connect with someone who is out there doing this work so well!
This was an eye opener for me this morning. My wife was struggling with a client who was blowing up her phone last night and I helped her see how it is better to provide peace than to teach a lesson. We are all struggling with something. Thank you for explaining in a way I could not.
Analisa, so glad this dovetailed with what you were experiencing last night. When we get dysregulated, it's so tempting to do something to control the situation in the hopes of regulating. Going directly within to soothe is often far more effective, isn't it?
Definitely 💜
I just finished The Unhiding of EC and whenever I looked at the cover I replaced my name. It was a wonderful guide for me and your writing puts words to my reality in ways that helps me understand it more. Thank you!
I also feel that peace is my intention now, where it used to be fun. What drove my decisions in my 20s what, what would be more fun? Life is pretty great to be able to reflect on…
Diana, that means so much to me. My hope is that all of us can see a little of ourselves in Elijah. I'm thrilled to hear you did and it had an impact on you!
I love this!! Peace is such a divine gift! ❤️
Yes, a gift. That's a great way to describe it, Karen!
Always a breath of fresh air hearing your stories and words of encouragement. Blessings to you and your family.
Blessings to you, too, Scott, I miss our conversations on the old Google Hangouts!
I miss them as well! I am so happy for you with your books and other projects. You have grown in so many ways. It’s good to connect with you again at least on this platform.
Thank you for your wise words, again, Kelly. I really liked the comparison of being willing to believe that there is something solid under your feet, even when all your senses are telling you otherwise. It is something that I think I can wrap my brain around when I am in need of peace inside of me, especially when the holidays roll around. As you may have heard, for many, myself including, sometimes getting together with "family" can be stressful, so peace is badly needed. I will try to remember this in the coming days! Blessings to you during this holy season!
You know, I think I did hear something about that. 😂 May your holiday with family be marked by an inexplicable peace. More encouragement coming next week in that regard!