It's the sound of joy in the distance. Can you recall a scary-joyful time you left the well-worn path of life to journey through the wild toward a “waterfall?” What is your well-worn path right now? What might be your waterfall?
This brought some tears to my eyes. Beautifully written!
My well worn path hasn't brought much happiness per say, but it has provided a sense a security. My well-worn path is paved with fear and anxiety. Fear about what happens if I step off the path and anxiety if (gasp*) the way becomes unclear. But a few months ago, this very thing happened. No path. But this time there was no anxiety, no fear. So I have been allowing myself to wander in the wilderness, unafraid, and just take in the beauty of it all. I can hear the waterfall, faintly, and it brings me peace knowing its there. But for now, I have no sense of urgency to get there. I'm too preoccupied with looking for joy 😊.
Wow, Vonnie, this is beautiful. It's profound to not just step off the path but also to feel no urgency about arriving at a destination. I'd love to hear more about what was different this time that has allowed you to do that!
Thank you so much for your kind words. Where would I start!?! I had such a tumultuous start to my life (adoption, abuse, teenage pregnancy, homelessness, the list could go on). I've worked so hard to prove that I am worthy to exist in this world. It gave me a strong desire to attain all things 'normal' : marriage, career, house, kids . Looking back now, I realize that I was longing for acceptance and I thought perfection would get me there. The pursuit of perfection, I've found, is a hamster wheel. So I'm giving myself permission to pause and regroup..."Casting my cares" if you will. Its been 2 months so far and God continues to bless me with a peaceful spirit.
Incredible self-awareness that your worthiness project has been to look perfectly normal. Blessings upon you as, instead, you seek to look imperfectly like you!
I could picture you at that table and having that epiphany. (made me smile) It's such a great reminder to get off of auto pilot. To me, that means STOP and LISTEN. Busyness is such a thief...one that I too often just fling the door open to. Ugh. Moving to Utah, leaving my family and friends behind, was, and is often hard. I've missed them sorely. THIS line in your book was the one that stopped me in my tracks this morning (and shut the door on the thief) " But you have to leave that kind of happiness behind in order to venture into the wild, to fine-tune your ability to listen for love, and to enjoy the journey toward it, despite all its uncertainty and hardship." Thank you (again) Kelly Flanagan. (;
I'm not sure how to explain myself without taking up a lot of digital paper. 😕 I have always called it "following my heart" but I'm not sure that's the right terminology for it. I am not a wilderness pioneer in my own opinion of myself but I jump off of "well worn paths" quite often. The joy for me is clarity in knowing what I have that I'm grateful for, and the excitement of getting more. (Family specifically, time and quality outcomes) I'm not a happy dad who is fun and super at connecting. I'm just an average dad who messes up a lot and who feels unappreciated if I'm not making mistakes and nobody notices I wasn't wrong today.
I have sat in fear at the end of a path or in the midst of a non-path patch I've jumped onto so many times. I've been looked at with concern, disdain, and with wonder by others as I made career and education choices. I've even stood still and not progressed on paths I should have followed besides bumbling on strange and challenging paths I shouldn't have taken. Being a Christian I like the straight and narrow path. I also seem to lose that one on the regular.
I have stories but it seems more like a bigger story that I'm still part if to me rather than any beginnings with conclusions I can identify easily.
In an effort to identify one "story", I am on my 6th job in 9 years right now and some moves made more sense than others and not all related to each other. I don't want to "retire" like normal people do so I'm working on a 10 year strategy to jump pretty hard somehow before its too late.. It's not spontaneous for me as you might think path jumping could be, I plan, I hesitate, then something doable shows up and I try it out. It's slow and sometimes painful or lacking joy, but I hold my standard for joy outside of my career. I don't chase passions for employment. I don't really hold passions which may be why I hesitate so much and make 10 year plans.
Sorry if I'm too vague, I'm analyzing myself as I type. But that's me in a muddled nutshell.
JC, I love so much about this, but I'll just choose two things.
First, your authenticity is always so refreshing around here. For instance, "I'm just an average dad who messes up a lot and who feels unappreciated if I'm not making mistakes and nobody notices I wasn't wrong today." I can VERY much relate to that! 😊
And your observation that leaping often feels a lot more like scooching slowly in a new direction. We all need to be reminded of that!
First, thank you for posting a clip from the book. Now, I want to read the book again to catch anything I may have missed and to revisit and hold the many gems of wisdom in it. One key time I left the well-worn, and may I add, expected path, was when I found a way to go to college. My parents only wanted me to get a job and give them money, but I found a way to work at a university and use the benefit of two free classes each semester. My well-worn path now seems to do what is expected in retirement. My waterfall is fighting ageism and still knowing that there is still water in the waterfall and it is not drying up. Each step toward the waterfall can be a combination of hard and exciting, but it is a calling that doesn’t end as long as the heart is beating. I am increasingly aware of how my words and actions can encourage others along the path to reach and explore their waterfalls. For now, that seems to be the way I am getting closer to my waterfall. You also made me think where I am or want to be at the waterfall. Am I at the top, dangerously close to plunging downward? Am I on the side, soaking in the sounds and sights and refreshed in the mist and beauty? Am I at the bottom, sitting on a rock, taking in the power, the immensity, the possibilities? Thank you for all you do!
I love this so much. First, your strength and courage in setting out on your own at such a young age. And second, the idea of arriving at the waterfall and appreciating it from every angle. On that anniversary trip, as we returned from the waterfall, we pointed others in the right direction. I like the idea that you might be able to do that for others now!
The first big waterfall I can remember was going to live in Northern Ireland for six months back in the mid-90s--during the IRA cease-fire (not that that made my family any happier) as a nanny. I'd always wanted to live in another country for an extended period, and when the chance came, I ran right at it and nothing was going to stop me. I never intended to come back, honestly, and still have mixed feelings that I not only did, but that I stayed.
The second time was when I left my tech support job to take a teaching job, instead which involved taking a pay cut--one of those things I was told you should never do, but turned out to be an excellent decision. Getting my MFA was probably a third. (I'm starting to see interesting patterns here in ways I hadn't quite before...hmm!)
The well-worn path right now is another instance of the Job My Parents Approve Of (which I also had before I went to NI and before I took the teaching gig). I've had it longer than any other job, so it's been stifling me longer than any other job. I know the end is near, but all the cultural messages about leaving (or, more to the point, when/how you shouldn't leave) ring loud in my head and make it really hard to hear the waterfall--and in this case, I'm not exactly sure just what the waterfall is. One recent waterfall has certainly been my podcast, and my Substack may be another, but I think there's something else lurking out there that hasn't yet revealed itself to me, and I'm not sure I will be able to hear it until I eliminate, or at least reduce, the other noise that's getting in the way. (Vonnie's comment really feels like confirmation of that suspicion.)
Love this, Nancy. The idea that there is a theme amongst our departures from the path - i.e., the job mom and dad (or culture, or shame, or fear) says we should do. And the idea that our moments of path departure need to be characterized by extra doses of silence and stillness, so we can hear the waterfall more clearly. Thank you for this. Can't wait to hear more about your next waterfall!
Hi Kelly, all, my well worn path is receiving healthcare at the Veteran’s Administration hospital system. The waterfall I hear in the distance was a move back to New England (landed in New Hampshire in August). I’d originally wanted to land in Maine but having sold my home in Norfolk, Va. in 12 hours, cash buyer and three week close, I had to find a place quickly. Got side tracked looking in Des Moines, Iowa and South Carolina near Greenville (both places I have friends). Ended up in New Hampshire not knowing anyone but my realtor and the mortgage broker!! I followed my intuition and the path in faith. A new house was chosen, one just framed in and enjoyed picking out faucets, lighting, kitchen cabinets, quartz counter tops and same for bathrooms. Not knowing anyone didn’t daunt me AT ALL!
Those that know me know that I am supremely extroverted and gregarious. A stump would want to engage with me in a conversation 😜 not anywhere near settled in because of step-fathers death seven days after the movers delivered my belongings. Spending time in Upstate NY helping my Mother with the estate, the farm and her home and health.
Enjoying New England, skiing and getting settled in the home can wait.
Hi Kelly, this spoke to me. My well-worn path is being a classroom teacher for 15 years in my home town. the sound of the waterfall I'm considering now is to relocate my family in New Zealand. I'd still teach there but I'm looking forward that this would really be an experience of renewed zeal. The Spirit empower you more and more. Have a joyful journey ahead. :)
Wow! I'm struck by how a waterfall can be not necessarily a change of vocation but simply location. Please keep us updated about your New Zealand decision!
Great meeting you at the Apprentice Gathering Kelly! The excerpt from you latest book that I read here has me wanting to dive in today. The "well worn path", yes...ten years ago while sensing it was time to leave a path we had been traveling for 13 years, living in a small island community in northwest Washington, serving as agents of healing for marriage (missionaries)...then the nudging to "look for open doors" (waterfall). Moving off the island came with some sadness, mainly in the area of friendships and local connections but stepping out in faith has led to beautiful relationships and opportunities for our entire family. It is safe to say; adventure, joy and freedom were experienced by all of us. Regarding today; I feel like we have continually taken steps, trusting God for the path that leads to the next waterfall.
Vic, it was great to meet the two of you in person at TAG! I notice something in what you wrote here that speaks to me, which is that once you start listening for the waterfalls, it seems they start to come more frequently and clearly. That there's not a lot of pretending we've arrived and we're never going to go anywhere else, that we know now we're in process and the next step in the process is coming. I love that the two of you have surrendered to that. I hope you do crack the novel and enjoy it!
Sep 27, 2023·edited Sep 27, 2023Liked by Kelly Flanagan
Well... for me it feels like nearly every moment is a mysterious, scary journey toward the waterfall. Two infatuated high school students fell in love. The well worn path of dating and the quaint, naïve, carefree high school life was a dreamy, reckless journey towards and through the rude awakening of hurt, disappointed love and the pain I didn't realize was tightly packed in the invisible, proverbial baggage all around me at the altar of my vows. And I would do it again to see the waterfall of this mess called life. Kids... kids open up floodgates of love and wonder that you never knew existed. One minute I felt like the well worn path of love for my bride is my heart at full capacity. A baby cries and suddenly a vast, near universe sized well of love is present. It still seems impossible. And that love remains, now through the heartache of adult kids struggling through divorce, depression, or health struggles. And I would do it again. The waterfall of giggles, sleepless nights, bed time stories... oh how empty I would be without the cascading presence of this crazy thang called parenting. Older now, I can turn around and see my well worn path. So, I am working on leaving the well worn conversations in my head of regret, shame, and "what ifs" and journeying toward the rambunctious, deafening sound of what must be a Niagara Falls of acceptance and love that, as a person of faith, is within me, behind me, and is now, before me.
This is beautiful, Carlos. I love the idea that everything that calls to us is a waterfall, that everything behind us has become a well-worn path, and the biggest waterfall lies within us. Wow. So good!
This brought some tears to my eyes. Beautifully written!
My well worn path hasn't brought much happiness per say, but it has provided a sense a security. My well-worn path is paved with fear and anxiety. Fear about what happens if I step off the path and anxiety if (gasp*) the way becomes unclear. But a few months ago, this very thing happened. No path. But this time there was no anxiety, no fear. So I have been allowing myself to wander in the wilderness, unafraid, and just take in the beauty of it all. I can hear the waterfall, faintly, and it brings me peace knowing its there. But for now, I have no sense of urgency to get there. I'm too preoccupied with looking for joy 😊.
Thanks!
Vonnie, I love this so, so much! It feels so beautifully free--and like a permission slip for the rest of us, too!
Wow, Vonnie, this is beautiful. It's profound to not just step off the path but also to feel no urgency about arriving at a destination. I'd love to hear more about what was different this time that has allowed you to do that!
Thank you so much for your kind words. Where would I start!?! I had such a tumultuous start to my life (adoption, abuse, teenage pregnancy, homelessness, the list could go on). I've worked so hard to prove that I am worthy to exist in this world. It gave me a strong desire to attain all things 'normal' : marriage, career, house, kids . Looking back now, I realize that I was longing for acceptance and I thought perfection would get me there. The pursuit of perfection, I've found, is a hamster wheel. So I'm giving myself permission to pause and regroup..."Casting my cares" if you will. Its been 2 months so far and God continues to bless me with a peaceful spirit.
Incredible self-awareness that your worthiness project has been to look perfectly normal. Blessings upon you as, instead, you seek to look imperfectly like you!
I could picture you at that table and having that epiphany. (made me smile) It's such a great reminder to get off of auto pilot. To me, that means STOP and LISTEN. Busyness is such a thief...one that I too often just fling the door open to. Ugh. Moving to Utah, leaving my family and friends behind, was, and is often hard. I've missed them sorely. THIS line in your book was the one that stopped me in my tracks this morning (and shut the door on the thief) " But you have to leave that kind of happiness behind in order to venture into the wild, to fine-tune your ability to listen for love, and to enjoy the journey toward it, despite all its uncertainty and hardship." Thank you (again) Kelly Flanagan. (;
"Busyness is such a thief." Thanks for that, Donna. We will miss you two SO much this weekend at Companion Camp. I hope all goes well on the Ranch!
Thanks, friend. We are, too. UGH!
I'm not sure how to explain myself without taking up a lot of digital paper. 😕 I have always called it "following my heart" but I'm not sure that's the right terminology for it. I am not a wilderness pioneer in my own opinion of myself but I jump off of "well worn paths" quite often. The joy for me is clarity in knowing what I have that I'm grateful for, and the excitement of getting more. (Family specifically, time and quality outcomes) I'm not a happy dad who is fun and super at connecting. I'm just an average dad who messes up a lot and who feels unappreciated if I'm not making mistakes and nobody notices I wasn't wrong today.
I have sat in fear at the end of a path or in the midst of a non-path patch I've jumped onto so many times. I've been looked at with concern, disdain, and with wonder by others as I made career and education choices. I've even stood still and not progressed on paths I should have followed besides bumbling on strange and challenging paths I shouldn't have taken. Being a Christian I like the straight and narrow path. I also seem to lose that one on the regular.
I have stories but it seems more like a bigger story that I'm still part if to me rather than any beginnings with conclusions I can identify easily.
In an effort to identify one "story", I am on my 6th job in 9 years right now and some moves made more sense than others and not all related to each other. I don't want to "retire" like normal people do so I'm working on a 10 year strategy to jump pretty hard somehow before its too late.. It's not spontaneous for me as you might think path jumping could be, I plan, I hesitate, then something doable shows up and I try it out. It's slow and sometimes painful or lacking joy, but I hold my standard for joy outside of my career. I don't chase passions for employment. I don't really hold passions which may be why I hesitate so much and make 10 year plans.
Sorry if I'm too vague, I'm analyzing myself as I type. But that's me in a muddled nutshell.
JC, I love so much about this, but I'll just choose two things.
First, your authenticity is always so refreshing around here. For instance, "I'm just an average dad who messes up a lot and who feels unappreciated if I'm not making mistakes and nobody notices I wasn't wrong today." I can VERY much relate to that! 😊
And your observation that leaping often feels a lot more like scooching slowly in a new direction. We all need to be reminded of that!
First, thank you for posting a clip from the book. Now, I want to read the book again to catch anything I may have missed and to revisit and hold the many gems of wisdom in it. One key time I left the well-worn, and may I add, expected path, was when I found a way to go to college. My parents only wanted me to get a job and give them money, but I found a way to work at a university and use the benefit of two free classes each semester. My well-worn path now seems to do what is expected in retirement. My waterfall is fighting ageism and still knowing that there is still water in the waterfall and it is not drying up. Each step toward the waterfall can be a combination of hard and exciting, but it is a calling that doesn’t end as long as the heart is beating. I am increasingly aware of how my words and actions can encourage others along the path to reach and explore their waterfalls. For now, that seems to be the way I am getting closer to my waterfall. You also made me think where I am or want to be at the waterfall. Am I at the top, dangerously close to plunging downward? Am I on the side, soaking in the sounds and sights and refreshed in the mist and beauty? Am I at the bottom, sitting on a rock, taking in the power, the immensity, the possibilities? Thank you for all you do!
I love this so much. First, your strength and courage in setting out on your own at such a young age. And second, the idea of arriving at the waterfall and appreciating it from every angle. On that anniversary trip, as we returned from the waterfall, we pointed others in the right direction. I like the idea that you might be able to do that for others now!
Thank you!
The first big waterfall I can remember was going to live in Northern Ireland for six months back in the mid-90s--during the IRA cease-fire (not that that made my family any happier) as a nanny. I'd always wanted to live in another country for an extended period, and when the chance came, I ran right at it and nothing was going to stop me. I never intended to come back, honestly, and still have mixed feelings that I not only did, but that I stayed.
The second time was when I left my tech support job to take a teaching job, instead which involved taking a pay cut--one of those things I was told you should never do, but turned out to be an excellent decision. Getting my MFA was probably a third. (I'm starting to see interesting patterns here in ways I hadn't quite before...hmm!)
The well-worn path right now is another instance of the Job My Parents Approve Of (which I also had before I went to NI and before I took the teaching gig). I've had it longer than any other job, so it's been stifling me longer than any other job. I know the end is near, but all the cultural messages about leaving (or, more to the point, when/how you shouldn't leave) ring loud in my head and make it really hard to hear the waterfall--and in this case, I'm not exactly sure just what the waterfall is. One recent waterfall has certainly been my podcast, and my Substack may be another, but I think there's something else lurking out there that hasn't yet revealed itself to me, and I'm not sure I will be able to hear it until I eliminate, or at least reduce, the other noise that's getting in the way. (Vonnie's comment really feels like confirmation of that suspicion.)
Love this, Nancy. The idea that there is a theme amongst our departures from the path - i.e., the job mom and dad (or culture, or shame, or fear) says we should do. And the idea that our moments of path departure need to be characterized by extra doses of silence and stillness, so we can hear the waterfall more clearly. Thank you for this. Can't wait to hear more about your next waterfall!
Hi Kelly, all, my well worn path is receiving healthcare at the Veteran’s Administration hospital system. The waterfall I hear in the distance was a move back to New England (landed in New Hampshire in August). I’d originally wanted to land in Maine but having sold my home in Norfolk, Va. in 12 hours, cash buyer and three week close, I had to find a place quickly. Got side tracked looking in Des Moines, Iowa and South Carolina near Greenville (both places I have friends). Ended up in New Hampshire not knowing anyone but my realtor and the mortgage broker!! I followed my intuition and the path in faith. A new house was chosen, one just framed in and enjoyed picking out faucets, lighting, kitchen cabinets, quartz counter tops and same for bathrooms. Not knowing anyone didn’t daunt me AT ALL!
Those that know me know that I am supremely extroverted and gregarious. A stump would want to engage with me in a conversation 😜 not anywhere near settled in because of step-fathers death seven days after the movers delivered my belongings. Spending time in Upstate NY helping my Mother with the estate, the farm and her home and health.
Enjoying New England, skiing and getting settled in the home can wait.
You've been nothing but waterfalls recently, Laura! So glad we get to listen some more together this weekend at Companion Camp!
Hi Kelly, this spoke to me. My well-worn path is being a classroom teacher for 15 years in my home town. the sound of the waterfall I'm considering now is to relocate my family in New Zealand. I'd still teach there but I'm looking forward that this would really be an experience of renewed zeal. The Spirit empower you more and more. Have a joyful journey ahead. :)
Wow! I'm struck by how a waterfall can be not necessarily a change of vocation but simply location. Please keep us updated about your New Zealand decision!
Great meeting you at the Apprentice Gathering Kelly! The excerpt from you latest book that I read here has me wanting to dive in today. The "well worn path", yes...ten years ago while sensing it was time to leave a path we had been traveling for 13 years, living in a small island community in northwest Washington, serving as agents of healing for marriage (missionaries)...then the nudging to "look for open doors" (waterfall). Moving off the island came with some sadness, mainly in the area of friendships and local connections but stepping out in faith has led to beautiful relationships and opportunities for our entire family. It is safe to say; adventure, joy and freedom were experienced by all of us. Regarding today; I feel like we have continually taken steps, trusting God for the path that leads to the next waterfall.
Vic, it was great to meet the two of you in person at TAG! I notice something in what you wrote here that speaks to me, which is that once you start listening for the waterfalls, it seems they start to come more frequently and clearly. That there's not a lot of pretending we've arrived and we're never going to go anywhere else, that we know now we're in process and the next step in the process is coming. I love that the two of you have surrendered to that. I hope you do crack the novel and enjoy it!
Well... for me it feels like nearly every moment is a mysterious, scary journey toward the waterfall. Two infatuated high school students fell in love. The well worn path of dating and the quaint, naïve, carefree high school life was a dreamy, reckless journey towards and through the rude awakening of hurt, disappointed love and the pain I didn't realize was tightly packed in the invisible, proverbial baggage all around me at the altar of my vows. And I would do it again to see the waterfall of this mess called life. Kids... kids open up floodgates of love and wonder that you never knew existed. One minute I felt like the well worn path of love for my bride is my heart at full capacity. A baby cries and suddenly a vast, near universe sized well of love is present. It still seems impossible. And that love remains, now through the heartache of adult kids struggling through divorce, depression, or health struggles. And I would do it again. The waterfall of giggles, sleepless nights, bed time stories... oh how empty I would be without the cascading presence of this crazy thang called parenting. Older now, I can turn around and see my well worn path. So, I am working on leaving the well worn conversations in my head of regret, shame, and "what ifs" and journeying toward the rambunctious, deafening sound of what must be a Niagara Falls of acceptance and love that, as a person of faith, is within me, behind me, and is now, before me.
This is beautiful, Carlos. I love the idea that everything that calls to us is a waterfall, that everything behind us has become a well-worn path, and the biggest waterfall lies within us. Wow. So good!
Thank you, Kelly