Good Morning my friend! Another great share. This will be resonating throughout the day as I make the journey to help my oldest move his stuff to the house they rented for the next year. I appreciate the guidance while navigating these changes and emotions they bring.
Note to self...be mindful of my music choices today.
I truly love this mission statement and the Mirrabai Starr quote. Such good reminders for daily life. Those hidden jewels are likely on the path to wisdom. It reminds me of Benedict's rule for wisdom, written in more contemporary language by Joan Chitester, "The fourth degree of humility brings us to accept the difficulties imposed on us by others in life 'with patience and even temper and not grow weary or give up.' Sometimes in the spiritual life we have to stop running away from the things that aggravate us so we can see what it is that is being demanded of us, especially that which we are refusing to give." So we stop, listen, learn. The rewards are life-giving.
Thanks for sharing this: "The fourth degree of humility brings us to accept the difficulties imposed on us by others in life 'with patience and even temper and not grow weary or give up.'
Thank you for this, Cynthia. I love that rule as articulated by Joan Chittister.
And your commentary on it makes me think of the poet David Whyte, who says we are "in a conversation with our life." Life will never give us everything we want from it, and we will never give life everything it asks of us. The frontier where those two things meet is the conversation of our lives. "What is today asking of you, and are you willing to give it?"
You just baptized the temper tantrum. That’s holy work.
It’s always sneaky, isn’t it? We imagine spiritual growth will make us more “zen” about the crusty burger, not realizing it’s the crusty burger itself that’s our teacher. I love how this piece reminds us: sacredness doesn’t need the setting to be perfect—it needs the heart to be present.
Sometimes the divine shows up in veal meatballs and dirty jokes. Amen to that.
—Virgin Monk Boy approves this theology of unwanted moments.
I had a reader for many years who would respond to almost every one of my posts by highlighting a quote and then declaring, "Whoomp, there it is!" I think I'm going to have to start doing that for you, Alek. Here it is today:
"Sacredness doesn’t need the setting to be perfect—it needs the heart to be present." Whoomp, there it is! 😊
Thank you for this post. It is just what I need at this moment. My DH and I have been trying to resolve an issue in our marriage for about 30 years, and it just resurfaced again. As I was eating breakfast this morning, " closed heart" came to my mind. I knew I needed to open it again. Then I got on my computer and saw your post. The lead in got my attention. So, thank you.
Ginny, I am absolutely thrilled to hear that. When we can keep our heart open to those repetitive issues and triggers, our open heart points the way to new, creative possibilities. I hope you will circle back over time and let us know what possibilities you discover!
Kelly, this really resonates. I need to hear this today. I didn’t realize that, although I’ve been focusing on opening my heart to people in moments where there is too much conflict or disappointment, I have been closing my heart in so many places to the situations we are living through in our lives. These current times are the hardest I’ve ever witnessed, to keep my heart open to. It’s a natural desire to want to protect it from what I perceive as too heartbreaking for words. You helped me see that I fear the holiness of the moment will highlight the pain of it. Maybe that’s the sacredness that I have been missing little by little. It’s All sacred. Namaste 🙏
It’s subtle but essential, isn’t it, Marilyn. Our people make such a vivid focal point for our practice, but EVENTS are a much less obvious trigger. My ego rebels against that level of openheartedness even more than the interpersonal.
Blessings upon your opening to the current times. I have no doubt you will encounter them even more wisely with an open heart!
Not being upset because it isn't what you want. That's a tough one. Not just for a pride factor but also because as I mature and try to listen and try to consider what is the best thing to do next, I look at what I've done and then think about what I messed up. I have a mature trust that logically provides understanding and let's me honestly say everything will be okay, but I also have this internal volume issue that is hard to turn down or off which screams at me saying, "BUT HOW?!?"
Ooh, yes. That voice hollering at you and chastising you. Which version of your younger self is it? Mine’s about sixteen or seventeen years old. It was his way of keeping control. If something broke bad and he could blame himself then at least it felt in his power to change the next time. That has served me well in some ways over the years, and in other ways, not so much.
I think it is a younger voice that wears an adult mask.
It could be the forced weirdo of 15 or 16 who tried rebellion through being as outlandish and strange as possible. He was limited by socio-cultural factors but liked chaos because it seemed like he was more normal if everything else seemed "whack". It might also be the 4th grade version of me who snapped at an unkind tease from a kid and jumped on him biting him for lack of any skill or power to fight.
I have always felt weak in my life. I've been smaller, I've held moral standards that many consider restrictions; I've been less fit or capable or attractive than many examples around me, and so this introverted shell that keeps me low and has proven to make me a target as the weakness seeps out has cracked at times.
I learned to cone out a little more and be less timid in ways and it has helped me feel a little less burdened at times..
Generally, I've grown out of some worries. They tend to be supplanted by adult things and new concerns that are less about me anymore, especially as I seek to being happiness to my wife and children. I still have some bits of shell Co eri g me and those bits get cracked as pressure u derneath builds. Still. The inner voice needs a hug. It needs reassurance that this adult is still worthy of love and can handle tough things.
I am seeking to be good to myself and believe I am what thise who love me say I am, and more.
Unwanted moments, unwanted feelings, unwanted triggers, relationships, persons, memories... your sensitivity is a real gift. A friend once read a book about how God would want each moment as it is. It is beautiful to see openheartedness as being open to each moment as graced revelation. The Lord says: It is I.
Kelly, your storytelling is so compelling. I especially loved your opening line, which drew me in today. I'm in the midst of an extremely full schedule, which says a lot, considering I am raising five humans. So reading on screens is not something that I tend to carve time out of my day to do. Yet I felt pulled into your story and felt I was right there alongside you and your family on this road trip and this hilarious Italian dinner. I understood, too, the feeling of being stuck in your head and not letting go of your expectations in order to fully immerse yourself in the moment unfolding before you. That's me, quite often. Your closing lines also read like poetry, so beautiful and resonant and just a gentle place to land for the day. Thanks for another lovely piece of writing.
Jeannie, that means quite a lot to me. I was aware that this one was more story than teaching, more memoir than self-help—and a little voice inside said I wasn’t offering enough value. Thank you for being a more graceful voice, reassuring me that my story is enough.
Oh, Kelly, I happen to believe that stories are far more powerful than prescriptive pieces! This is a big reason I switched from self-help writing to memoir. :) I would say, keep it up. It really resonates.
Thank you for being real. Thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for being honest in your reflections and sharing. You make me stop and hold my hands over my heart and check-in with my own heart. Thank you for being a beautiful, open soul.
Thank you. Ouch. Bingo. Even when I cut my finger I can appreciate the wonder of my body’s ability to clot blood. This Attention Shift opens my mind and heart to life, not disappointment.
Barbara, you’re reminding me of an old friend who would marvel when he had a stomach bug that his body could recognize and expel a microscopic invader so efficiently! 😂
Kelly, I am weeping as I read this. Once again, your writing resonates with me so much so that I have to tell a story of something that happened just yesterday:
I am finishing the last week of the semester for our art school here in Fresno, California, and all my classes get to draw whatever they want for the last day. (Usually we draw a different animal every week). I knew I had to be particularly defensive with yesterday’s afternoon group as it is full of lots of strong-willed kids, more boys than girls, and the artistic temperament abounds in these 6-8 year olds.
Immediately I had to start tamping down the loud talking, anticipating the class getting out of control with the freedom I gave them. They kept asking, I can draw any animal? Anything? Yes, I said, anything. How quickly I was to attempt to close my heart to this freedom! Because little Giancarlo quickly turned out a drawing of a snake hanging from a tree trying to catch a lizard below. Hardly any color in the trees, lots of white space, surely you can add something else, given we have 40 minutes left?! What are you going to do with all that time, talk too much?!?
Natalie came with her drawing, and also, no color? Don’t you want to add color? No, I don’t think so. I was so disappointed with these kids, don’t they care about their art?
Suddenly from the back came Donovan with a very pointed word, “ Why can’t they leave if black and white if they want to? Why can’t they leave it, you said we could draw whatever we want, they should be able to do that!” I was losing control of the class, how dare he oppose me, the authority in the room?
But I knew he was right. I stopped and had to let go and just see what would happen if I truly let them draw “whatever they wanted” without my control. Believe it or not, they continued to draw on scratch paper, Natalie taught some how to make “cootie-catchers” with origami, they had fun together and created. There were even some quiet moments. Finally I had to admit to the class, “Donovan was right and I was wrong.” We ended up finishing the class on a happy, perhaps sacred note. Thank you for articulating through your story that I had in fact closed my heart and was in the process of sabotaging that last class, but Donovan saved the day by speaking the truth and helping me open my heart to my wonderful, zany students.
Well, right back at you, I’m tearing up reading this. What a beautiful story of conscious opening, and facilitated by children of course. Wendy, have you read much of Anne Lamott’s non-fiction in recent years? She shares many, many stories of the children in her Sunday school class. Oftentimes, they are the teacher and she is the student. Blessing upon you for allowing that reversal yesterday.
Perfect timing for me as we are on our way to a long-awaited family get-together. You've helped me so much, my friend, with the study and encouragement of open-heartedness. I don't want to miss a second of this time together, and my dearest hope is to come to the end of it with open-hearted joy and appreciation. I can't help but think of (no idea why) Scrooge's exclamation at the end of his nighttime journey of the soul: “I will honour Christmas (my moments) in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. ''
Oh Donna, when prose like that is brought to mind for no apparent reason, it is truly a gift. The place of openness that those words take you is the place you are being called to fully inhabit during this time with family. It’s beautiful.
Good Morning my friend! Another great share. This will be resonating throughout the day as I make the journey to help my oldest move his stuff to the house they rented for the next year. I appreciate the guidance while navigating these changes and emotions they bring.
Note to self...be mindful of my music choices today.
Here we are on the other end of the day, Nicole, I hope all has gone well. Were there any songs that stirred up the emotion of the day?
Thank you for reminding me to be here, present and enjoy it daily.
I'll keep reminding you for as long as I have to keep reminding myself, Andrea. 😊
Gratitude for your deep honesty... yes, i am all in with the sacredness of every moment... for us to "show up for reality just as it is"
Thank you. It's great to have you here, and to have you all in, Peter.
Openheartedness,
truly love and fully live.
Defiant laughter.
Perhaps my favorite haiku of all time, Marisol. 🙏
Kelly, pure gratitude for your impact on my life through your wisdom and your storytelling. 🙏
What a blessing to be here with you on Substack, James!
I truly love this mission statement and the Mirrabai Starr quote. Such good reminders for daily life. Those hidden jewels are likely on the path to wisdom. It reminds me of Benedict's rule for wisdom, written in more contemporary language by Joan Chitester, "The fourth degree of humility brings us to accept the difficulties imposed on us by others in life 'with patience and even temper and not grow weary or give up.' Sometimes in the spiritual life we have to stop running away from the things that aggravate us so we can see what it is that is being demanded of us, especially that which we are refusing to give." So we stop, listen, learn. The rewards are life-giving.
Good reminder!
Thanks for sharing this: "The fourth degree of humility brings us to accept the difficulties imposed on us by others in life 'with patience and even temper and not grow weary or give up.'
Thank you for this, Cynthia. I love that rule as articulated by Joan Chittister.
And your commentary on it makes me think of the poet David Whyte, who says we are "in a conversation with our life." Life will never give us everything we want from it, and we will never give life everything it asks of us. The frontier where those two things meet is the conversation of our lives. "What is today asking of you, and are you willing to give it?"
You just baptized the temper tantrum. That’s holy work.
It’s always sneaky, isn’t it? We imagine spiritual growth will make us more “zen” about the crusty burger, not realizing it’s the crusty burger itself that’s our teacher. I love how this piece reminds us: sacredness doesn’t need the setting to be perfect—it needs the heart to be present.
Sometimes the divine shows up in veal meatballs and dirty jokes. Amen to that.
—Virgin Monk Boy approves this theology of unwanted moments.
I had a reader for many years who would respond to almost every one of my posts by highlighting a quote and then declaring, "Whoomp, there it is!" I think I'm going to have to start doing that for you, Alek. Here it is today:
"Sacredness doesn’t need the setting to be perfect—it needs the heart to be present." Whoomp, there it is! 😊
Thank you for this post. It is just what I need at this moment. My DH and I have been trying to resolve an issue in our marriage for about 30 years, and it just resurfaced again. As I was eating breakfast this morning, " closed heart" came to my mind. I knew I needed to open it again. Then I got on my computer and saw your post. The lead in got my attention. So, thank you.
Ginny, I am absolutely thrilled to hear that. When we can keep our heart open to those repetitive issues and triggers, our open heart points the way to new, creative possibilities. I hope you will circle back over time and let us know what possibilities you discover!
Kelly, this really resonates. I need to hear this today. I didn’t realize that, although I’ve been focusing on opening my heart to people in moments where there is too much conflict or disappointment, I have been closing my heart in so many places to the situations we are living through in our lives. These current times are the hardest I’ve ever witnessed, to keep my heart open to. It’s a natural desire to want to protect it from what I perceive as too heartbreaking for words. You helped me see that I fear the holiness of the moment will highlight the pain of it. Maybe that’s the sacredness that I have been missing little by little. It’s All sacred. Namaste 🙏
It’s subtle but essential, isn’t it, Marilyn. Our people make such a vivid focal point for our practice, but EVENTS are a much less obvious trigger. My ego rebels against that level of openheartedness even more than the interpersonal.
Blessings upon your opening to the current times. I have no doubt you will encounter them even more wisely with an open heart!
Very nice story. Very poignant thoughts.
Not being upset because it isn't what you want. That's a tough one. Not just for a pride factor but also because as I mature and try to listen and try to consider what is the best thing to do next, I look at what I've done and then think about what I messed up. I have a mature trust that logically provides understanding and let's me honestly say everything will be okay, but I also have this internal volume issue that is hard to turn down or off which screams at me saying, "BUT HOW?!?"
Ooh, yes. That voice hollering at you and chastising you. Which version of your younger self is it? Mine’s about sixteen or seventeen years old. It was his way of keeping control. If something broke bad and he could blame himself then at least it felt in his power to change the next time. That has served me well in some ways over the years, and in other ways, not so much.
I think it is a younger voice that wears an adult mask.
It could be the forced weirdo of 15 or 16 who tried rebellion through being as outlandish and strange as possible. He was limited by socio-cultural factors but liked chaos because it seemed like he was more normal if everything else seemed "whack". It might also be the 4th grade version of me who snapped at an unkind tease from a kid and jumped on him biting him for lack of any skill or power to fight.
I have always felt weak in my life. I've been smaller, I've held moral standards that many consider restrictions; I've been less fit or capable or attractive than many examples around me, and so this introverted shell that keeps me low and has proven to make me a target as the weakness seeps out has cracked at times.
I learned to cone out a little more and be less timid in ways and it has helped me feel a little less burdened at times..
Generally, I've grown out of some worries. They tend to be supplanted by adult things and new concerns that are less about me anymore, especially as I seek to being happiness to my wife and children. I still have some bits of shell Co eri g me and those bits get cracked as pressure u derneath builds. Still. The inner voice needs a hug. It needs reassurance that this adult is still worthy of love and can handle tough things.
I am seeking to be good to myself and believe I am what thise who love me say I am, and more.
Mmm. Yes, JC. That 15 year old and that 10 year old in you both need a hug. I love that way of thinking about it, my friend.
Unwanted moments, unwanted feelings, unwanted triggers, relationships, persons, memories... your sensitivity is a real gift. A friend once read a book about how God would want each moment as it is. It is beautiful to see openheartedness as being open to each moment as graced revelation. The Lord says: It is I.
Mmm. “Each moment is a graced revelation. The Lord says: It is I.” This touched me, Julia. Thank you. 🙏
Kelly, your storytelling is so compelling. I especially loved your opening line, which drew me in today. I'm in the midst of an extremely full schedule, which says a lot, considering I am raising five humans. So reading on screens is not something that I tend to carve time out of my day to do. Yet I felt pulled into your story and felt I was right there alongside you and your family on this road trip and this hilarious Italian dinner. I understood, too, the feeling of being stuck in your head and not letting go of your expectations in order to fully immerse yourself in the moment unfolding before you. That's me, quite often. Your closing lines also read like poetry, so beautiful and resonant and just a gentle place to land for the day. Thanks for another lovely piece of writing.
Jeannie, that means quite a lot to me. I was aware that this one was more story than teaching, more memoir than self-help—and a little voice inside said I wasn’t offering enough value. Thank you for being a more graceful voice, reassuring me that my story is enough.
Oh, Kelly, I happen to believe that stories are far more powerful than prescriptive pieces! This is a big reason I switched from self-help writing to memoir. :) I would say, keep it up. It really resonates.
Thank you again, Jeannie!
Thank you for being real. Thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for being honest in your reflections and sharing. You make me stop and hold my hands over my heart and check-in with my own heart. Thank you for being a beautiful, open soul.
Debbie. Thank you. Just, thank you. 🙏
Thank you. Ouch. Bingo. Even when I cut my finger I can appreciate the wonder of my body’s ability to clot blood. This Attention Shift opens my mind and heart to life, not disappointment.
Barbara, you’re reminding me of an old friend who would marvel when he had a stomach bug that his body could recognize and expel a microscopic invader so efficiently! 😂
Kelly, I am weeping as I read this. Once again, your writing resonates with me so much so that I have to tell a story of something that happened just yesterday:
I am finishing the last week of the semester for our art school here in Fresno, California, and all my classes get to draw whatever they want for the last day. (Usually we draw a different animal every week). I knew I had to be particularly defensive with yesterday’s afternoon group as it is full of lots of strong-willed kids, more boys than girls, and the artistic temperament abounds in these 6-8 year olds.
Immediately I had to start tamping down the loud talking, anticipating the class getting out of control with the freedom I gave them. They kept asking, I can draw any animal? Anything? Yes, I said, anything. How quickly I was to attempt to close my heart to this freedom! Because little Giancarlo quickly turned out a drawing of a snake hanging from a tree trying to catch a lizard below. Hardly any color in the trees, lots of white space, surely you can add something else, given we have 40 minutes left?! What are you going to do with all that time, talk too much?!?
Natalie came with her drawing, and also, no color? Don’t you want to add color? No, I don’t think so. I was so disappointed with these kids, don’t they care about their art?
Suddenly from the back came Donovan with a very pointed word, “ Why can’t they leave if black and white if they want to? Why can’t they leave it, you said we could draw whatever we want, they should be able to do that!” I was losing control of the class, how dare he oppose me, the authority in the room?
But I knew he was right. I stopped and had to let go and just see what would happen if I truly let them draw “whatever they wanted” without my control. Believe it or not, they continued to draw on scratch paper, Natalie taught some how to make “cootie-catchers” with origami, they had fun together and created. There were even some quiet moments. Finally I had to admit to the class, “Donovan was right and I was wrong.” We ended up finishing the class on a happy, perhaps sacred note. Thank you for articulating through your story that I had in fact closed my heart and was in the process of sabotaging that last class, but Donovan saved the day by speaking the truth and helping me open my heart to my wonderful, zany students.
Well, right back at you, I’m tearing up reading this. What a beautiful story of conscious opening, and facilitated by children of course. Wendy, have you read much of Anne Lamott’s non-fiction in recent years? She shares many, many stories of the children in her Sunday school class. Oftentimes, they are the teacher and she is the student. Blessing upon you for allowing that reversal yesterday.
Perfect timing for me as we are on our way to a long-awaited family get-together. You've helped me so much, my friend, with the study and encouragement of open-heartedness. I don't want to miss a second of this time together, and my dearest hope is to come to the end of it with open-hearted joy and appreciation. I can't help but think of (no idea why) Scrooge's exclamation at the end of his nighttime journey of the soul: “I will honour Christmas (my moments) in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. ''
Oh Donna, when prose like that is brought to mind for no apparent reason, it is truly a gift. The place of openness that those words take you is the place you are being called to fully inhabit during this time with family. It’s beautiful.
And remind Gary: “Let them!” 😊