Hmm, I don't know exactly how I want to respond. In keeping with the "welcoming" of first thoughts I'll say the house analogy didn't sit well in my mind.
Two other house analogies hold a stronger value to me. In Joshua 24 is a classic phrase, ".. as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord..." Then there is a video produced for kids back when I was a kid in seminary called "The Body is a.Temple" which depicts a home where inviting different types of people has different effects on the environment in the home. Even though the video is about keeping the body and mind "clean" I cannot help but relate its contrast to the poem by Rumi.
I guess my trouble is figuring out what it means to invite the shadows and to be accepting of them. I understand acknowledging weakness, but my religious background is also all about repenting of weakness.
I looked up the Hebrew explanation of repent (teshuva) and the explanation I found was it is more of a return. Essentially turning all actions, thoughts and beliefs back toward God. Less of a modern remorse and pain context and more of a decision to do better.
So, as I continue to ponder, maybe I'll find a way to accept that I have "shady" elements and turn from dwelling on those shadows to face the light? Maybe as I look to be in the light I'll see the shadows shrink. In science we know that when your shadow is gone it's because you are directly under the light. The shadow never really "leaves" its just under your feet until the angle of the light changes. (Now I'm thinking of Peter Pan trying to reattach his shadow)
Still, I'm not sure where to go in my thinking. I will have to do more.
I really appreciate this open-hearted reflection, JC.
I think you're wrestling with trading out dualities. The duality that much of our modern, Western Christian faith is rooted in is good versus bad. It follows that you'd try to exclude the bad and include the good.
I'm suggesting we hold that duality lightly and instead recognize the importance of the approach versus avoidance duality. This post suggests that approaching our experiences of ourselves has power to transform them, while avoiding them allows them to transform us. I heard a great quote recently, "As soon as you go away from something, it's got you." And here's one of my own, if I may be so vain as to quote myself, "If you can't welcome it, you can't work with it."
I don't think any of us want to end up more selfish than we started, for instance, but the question is, which way of being best facilitates our growth: avoidance or approach? Rejecting it or learning to love it?
Better stop now or this is going to turn into a second post!
The value of time and reflection give us added wisdom. The information that gives us a pause is also part of what we need to consider how we will deal with the "next" thing.
After a day of considering what I must face, I have also realized that what I face is the very challenge I needed to be stronger. I have solidified what I believe, understood what I will do to live by that belief and how I will face opposition to it.
An ecclesiastical leader mentioned today how we can learn a lot from trees. They need opposition to grow strong. Those that don't have it are weak and fall down in adverse conditions. Others that are constantly facing a barrage of elemental trials grow strong deep roots and weather many years of adverse weather. Similarly trees tend to grow with a lean towards the area that receives the most light. I cannot lean into the light in my life without having a distinct understanding of what is darkness. I feel like things you shared are more relatable now.
I love the way this post interacted with all of your other spiritual work yesterday. I love the way you are constantly seeking to grow and expand. I love our ongoing conversation, my friend.
This is a perfect illustration of something Terry Real talks about in training therapists to work with couples, and also in his books aimed at couples trying to work on their marriages. The softening, the tenderness, the aiming to react without defensiveness. You’ve beautifully transformed a moment that could have gone to hardness into something revelatory. I love this so much. And also synchronicity, since you quote Jung, of then finding that pre-ordered book inside the package! :) The Rumi poem is perfect too.
Thank you, Billie, and I'm honored to be thought of in connection to Terry Real. His book "Us" is one of my favorite books on marriage. This was a rare moment of utter self-acceptance on my part. I hope for more of them. :)
Thanks for this Kelly. In direct response to your question, I think I'm demonstrating some decent competence right now when it comes to awareness and openness. The tenderness feelsike the biggest challenge. And that's fitting given that my initial reaction is to judge myself for that untenderness and try to find a way to fix it.
Your writing this morning reminds me to soften even around the idea of softening. And to welcome it ALL
Continually Grateful to you and the untenderness I sometimes feel inside;)
Mike, that's exactly the pattern I find in myself and other high-achievers. We say, "Growth begins with awareness and ends with openness? Okay, I'll see everything in me and then tell someone right away!" We skip over the slower, muddier, more being-oriented work of tenderness to get to the finish line, but when we do so we find the finish line was really just another moment of subtle self-rejection: "If I can be open about this I can be free of this!"
"To soften even around the idea of softening." That would have made a pretty good subtitle. 😊
Welcome, Cherie! I'm so glad we've gotten connected through Cheryl. She's supported my work so generously and I enjoy supporting hers. Thrilled that collaboration brought you here!
I was so drawn to this piece and am just beginning chapter 2 of THE UNHIDING OF ELIJAH CAMPBELL: A NOVEL. You are an exceptional writer and so much more. I am utterly captivated and am so grateful to have found you and your message here on Substack. Important work you are doing. 🙏
There are no adults. That is a huge insight, Bob. At the heart of Loveable is the hope that, instead of continuing to struggle to become adults, we might decide to become like children again, in all those joyful and playful and vulnerable ways.
Hmm, I don't know exactly how I want to respond. In keeping with the "welcoming" of first thoughts I'll say the house analogy didn't sit well in my mind.
Two other house analogies hold a stronger value to me. In Joshua 24 is a classic phrase, ".. as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord..." Then there is a video produced for kids back when I was a kid in seminary called "The Body is a.Temple" which depicts a home where inviting different types of people has different effects on the environment in the home. Even though the video is about keeping the body and mind "clean" I cannot help but relate its contrast to the poem by Rumi.
I guess my trouble is figuring out what it means to invite the shadows and to be accepting of them. I understand acknowledging weakness, but my religious background is also all about repenting of weakness.
I looked up the Hebrew explanation of repent (teshuva) and the explanation I found was it is more of a return. Essentially turning all actions, thoughts and beliefs back toward God. Less of a modern remorse and pain context and more of a decision to do better.
So, as I continue to ponder, maybe I'll find a way to accept that I have "shady" elements and turn from dwelling on those shadows to face the light? Maybe as I look to be in the light I'll see the shadows shrink. In science we know that when your shadow is gone it's because you are directly under the light. The shadow never really "leaves" its just under your feet until the angle of the light changes. (Now I'm thinking of Peter Pan trying to reattach his shadow)
Still, I'm not sure where to go in my thinking. I will have to do more.
I really appreciate this open-hearted reflection, JC.
I think you're wrestling with trading out dualities. The duality that much of our modern, Western Christian faith is rooted in is good versus bad. It follows that you'd try to exclude the bad and include the good.
I'm suggesting we hold that duality lightly and instead recognize the importance of the approach versus avoidance duality. This post suggests that approaching our experiences of ourselves has power to transform them, while avoiding them allows them to transform us. I heard a great quote recently, "As soon as you go away from something, it's got you." And here's one of my own, if I may be so vain as to quote myself, "If you can't welcome it, you can't work with it."
I don't think any of us want to end up more selfish than we started, for instance, but the question is, which way of being best facilitates our growth: avoidance or approach? Rejecting it or learning to love it?
Better stop now or this is going to turn into a second post!
All posts are welcome.
The value of time and reflection give us added wisdom. The information that gives us a pause is also part of what we need to consider how we will deal with the "next" thing.
After a day of considering what I must face, I have also realized that what I face is the very challenge I needed to be stronger. I have solidified what I believe, understood what I will do to live by that belief and how I will face opposition to it.
An ecclesiastical leader mentioned today how we can learn a lot from trees. They need opposition to grow strong. Those that don't have it are weak and fall down in adverse conditions. Others that are constantly facing a barrage of elemental trials grow strong deep roots and weather many years of adverse weather. Similarly trees tend to grow with a lean towards the area that receives the most light. I cannot lean into the light in my life without having a distinct understanding of what is darkness. I feel like things you shared are more relatable now.
I love the way this post interacted with all of your other spiritual work yesterday. I love the way you are constantly seeking to grow and expand. I love our ongoing conversation, my friend.
This is a perfect illustration of something Terry Real talks about in training therapists to work with couples, and also in his books aimed at couples trying to work on their marriages. The softening, the tenderness, the aiming to react without defensiveness. You’ve beautifully transformed a moment that could have gone to hardness into something revelatory. I love this so much. And also synchronicity, since you quote Jung, of then finding that pre-ordered book inside the package! :) The Rumi poem is perfect too.
Thank you, Billie, and I'm honored to be thought of in connection to Terry Real. His book "Us" is one of my favorite books on marriage. This was a rare moment of utter self-acceptance on my part. I hope for more of them. :)
Oh, the power of tenderness to crack stone. Thanks for this, Kelly. Such an excellent piece.
Thank you, Cheryl!
Thanks for this Kelly. In direct response to your question, I think I'm demonstrating some decent competence right now when it comes to awareness and openness. The tenderness feelsike the biggest challenge. And that's fitting given that my initial reaction is to judge myself for that untenderness and try to find a way to fix it.
Your writing this morning reminds me to soften even around the idea of softening. And to welcome it ALL
Continually Grateful to you and the untenderness I sometimes feel inside;)
Mike, that's exactly the pattern I find in myself and other high-achievers. We say, "Growth begins with awareness and ends with openness? Okay, I'll see everything in me and then tell someone right away!" We skip over the slower, muddier, more being-oriented work of tenderness to get to the finish line, but when we do so we find the finish line was really just another moment of subtle self-rejection: "If I can be open about this I can be free of this!"
"To soften even around the idea of softening." That would have made a pretty good subtitle. 😊
Excellent piece. This is my first read of your work, thanks to Cheryl Grey Bostrom’s recommendation. And, boy, does it hit home. Thank you!
Welcome, Cherie! I'm so glad we've gotten connected through Cheryl. She's supported my work so generously and I enjoy supporting hers. Thrilled that collaboration brought you here!
I was so drawn to this piece and am just beginning chapter 2 of THE UNHIDING OF ELIJAH CAMPBELL: A NOVEL. You are an exceptional writer and so much more. I am utterly captivated and am so grateful to have found you and your message here on Substack. Important work you are doing. 🙏
That warms my heart to hear, thank you! Following you now, too. I hope you enjoy the rest of the novel!
This is a wonderfully nuanced read. No simplistic answers here, but deeply encouraging. Thanks 💜
Thanks for your kind words, Phoebe, I'm glad it resonated with you!
It’s not selfish to want something good.
As long as we are willing to do what we should, (not just anything necessary,) to get it.
This also reminds me of something I realized relatively recently.
There is no such thing as an adult, at least emotionally.
We’re all just children trying, or not trying, to become adults.
Sometimes we get closer to being adults without trying. Life, you know.
There are no adults. That is a huge insight, Bob. At the heart of Loveable is the hope that, instead of continuing to struggle to become adults, we might decide to become like children again, in all those joyful and playful and vulnerable ways.