What if the most urgent problem in the house of our humanity isn’t that we have a problem but a misunderstanding? What if we simply aren’t clear about the two rooms within us, nor in which room we are hanging our identity?
Nice Kelly. This write up feels good. I read it before, sort of, because of the way you workshopped it in the substack, but now, reading it feels like a first and it makes sense to me. It feels like your style too. Very well done very impactful. I feel informed, part of the narrative, and I am curious to read on to learn about those panic room personnas that seem to hold me down in that tiny space.
Thanks for that feedback, JC! It definitely felt like too much too fast as part of a short introductory author's note. I'm glad to hear that it feels more accessible and comprehensible in this slightly expanded format.
Nov 15, 2023·edited Nov 15, 2023Liked by Kelly Flanagan
I find it hard to awaken from the "longing slumber" that I am choosing to experience in my panic room. It may just be me, but I suspect we humans are pretty good at convincing ourselves that we shouldn't desire our deepest longings. In fact, we should not have any longings at all. Put them to sleep. The disappointment and loss they represent are not worth waking them up. Thought provoking post, Kelly. Thank you.
Carlos, thank you for sharing this. I think we can all relate to what you're expressing. I have two thoughts. First, if you haven't read it yet, Kurt Thompson's book "The Soul of Desire" is excellent. Second, just this week I wrote the following paragraph, trying to imagine what the Soul would say if it spoke to us. It deals with this very issue:
Amongst the five yous, I’m essentially silent. I don’t use words because I was born before language. I’d rather experience something than talk about it. When I do speak, I speak the language of longings. The longing for love. The longing for belonging. The longing for goodness, truth, and beauty. So, you can’t hear me in here, but you can sense me in here—holy tugs that, if you trusted them, might guide you as surely as any signpost ever could.
Thank you, Shaista, that is exactly my hope, that this might feel like a really attractive introduction to deep work and awareness. I appreciate the affirmation.
I would like to suggest that it is not only trauma and bad things that cause us to 'create rooms'. As a child so much is done for us, and as we grow and develop, we need to take responsibility which involves making categories and decisions.
They are imperfect at best and completely mistaken at worst, but they are a necessity of development.
The truly aware person/group/society understands this and corrects and improves these categories and decisions as they gain insight and wisdom (the sooner the better). This can be painful - especially if we have invested greatly in the decisions, but if we don't pain adds up as we are building on foundations that cannot hold.
I love the acknowledgement here that the "corrections" themselves can feel painful at first, and more so the more we're attached to our previous decisions and categories, probably. Thanks for this, my friend!
This is fascinating, Kelly, and so well-written. I’m familiar with these concepts, but under a different model. I’m trained in Internal Family Systems, where the thing you call Soul is called “Self,” and the thing you call Self is called “Parts.” Either way, it seems that Parts mask Self (in IFS), or Self masks Soul (in your two-room metaphor). Understanding this distinction is the basis to any inner work. I’m curious to see where you go with this!
Liz, so great to connect with you here, I'm following you now!
Yes, this two-part distinction does seem to be fundamental to inner work. The way I talk about it gets compared to IFS and in my current book project I've been working hard to figure out how to approach this without challenging and creating confusion about already established terms. It's an interesting problem to solve!
I think people can get past the semantics easily enough, because it’s the core concept that is important, and how to navigate it. Thank you for bringing this important work to a wider audience!
Nice Kelly. This write up feels good. I read it before, sort of, because of the way you workshopped it in the substack, but now, reading it feels like a first and it makes sense to me. It feels like your style too. Very well done very impactful. I feel informed, part of the narrative, and I am curious to read on to learn about those panic room personnas that seem to hold me down in that tiny space.
Thanks for that feedback, JC! It definitely felt like too much too fast as part of a short introductory author's note. I'm glad to hear that it feels more accessible and comprehensible in this slightly expanded format.
Powerful. And beautifully written.
Thank you, Emily.
I find it hard to awaken from the "longing slumber" that I am choosing to experience in my panic room. It may just be me, but I suspect we humans are pretty good at convincing ourselves that we shouldn't desire our deepest longings. In fact, we should not have any longings at all. Put them to sleep. The disappointment and loss they represent are not worth waking them up. Thought provoking post, Kelly. Thank you.
Carlos, thank you for sharing this. I think we can all relate to what you're expressing. I have two thoughts. First, if you haven't read it yet, Kurt Thompson's book "The Soul of Desire" is excellent. Second, just this week I wrote the following paragraph, trying to imagine what the Soul would say if it spoke to us. It deals with this very issue:
Amongst the five yous, I’m essentially silent. I don’t use words because I was born before language. I’d rather experience something than talk about it. When I do speak, I speak the language of longings. The longing for love. The longing for belonging. The longing for goodness, truth, and beauty. So, you can’t hear me in here, but you can sense me in here—holy tugs that, if you trusted them, might guide you as surely as any signpost ever could.
Excellent! Thank you. Added the book to my Kindle library, thanks for the recommendation.
Absolutely beautiful. A palatable concept, I believe, for those that are not familiar with the work. Thank you.
Thank you, Shaista, that is exactly my hope, that this might feel like a really attractive introduction to deep work and awareness. I appreciate the affirmation.
This is beautiful.
I would like to suggest that it is not only trauma and bad things that cause us to 'create rooms'. As a child so much is done for us, and as we grow and develop, we need to take responsibility which involves making categories and decisions.
They are imperfect at best and completely mistaken at worst, but they are a necessity of development.
The truly aware person/group/society understands this and corrects and improves these categories and decisions as they gain insight and wisdom (the sooner the better). This can be painful - especially if we have invested greatly in the decisions, but if we don't pain adds up as we are building on foundations that cannot hold.
And that is the choice that you mention.
I love the acknowledgement here that the "corrections" themselves can feel painful at first, and more so the more we're attached to our previous decisions and categories, probably. Thanks for this, my friend!
This is fascinating, Kelly, and so well-written. I’m familiar with these concepts, but under a different model. I’m trained in Internal Family Systems, where the thing you call Soul is called “Self,” and the thing you call Self is called “Parts.” Either way, it seems that Parts mask Self (in IFS), or Self masks Soul (in your two-room metaphor). Understanding this distinction is the basis to any inner work. I’m curious to see where you go with this!
Liz, so great to connect with you here, I'm following you now!
Yes, this two-part distinction does seem to be fundamental to inner work. The way I talk about it gets compared to IFS and in my current book project I've been working hard to figure out how to approach this without challenging and creating confusion about already established terms. It's an interesting problem to solve!
I think people can get past the semantics easily enough, because it’s the core concept that is important, and how to navigate it. Thank you for bringing this important work to a wider audience!
"How to navigate it" is what matters. That's what needs to be central and then let the terminology follow from that. You're exactly right. Thank you!