What a great visual to offer acceptance of our journey to loving ourselves. It makes me consider viewing a gathering of people as a forest, all like trees embodying the collection of annual rings to be who they are now. I am considering weaving this into an intention of thought while teaching/practicing tree pose in yoga!
I love that extension of the imagery to the whole forest. I'm looking out the window at one right now. Trees know intuitively how to grow around each other so everyone can reach the sun, while still being fully who they are. I also love idea of all this being woven into a yoga intention!
We are making ornaments out of slices of tree branches today in our bereavement group! Perfect timing for me to be able to share with them about tree rings and tree-ness. And a great reminder to love myself as I walk with them through their grief.
Wow, what synchronicity. They will always be able to see the impact of their loss in this ring of their tree, but perhaps seeing it as that will help them embrace it as part of the whole of who they are.
Love the tree analogy and the story the rings tell. Past cringyness, yes, regret, yep. When I look down the list of complications to loving ‘ourselves’, several are in awareness and embracing the purpose they served, but angrily projecting, arrogantly ignoring? Another comes to mind, actively dismissing? Loving every part?— I’ve been taught we need to cut down those parts.
It’s a struggle. We want to skip past or cut off the cringe worthy parts. Acceptance and love call us to see. The beauty they add to the whole tree. It’s so hard sometimes.
Most of us have been taught that, Rhonda. How hopeless it feels then when they spring up again at some point in the future. Back at square one. Failed. Ashamed. How much more graceful to love what is here and to watch it trying to spring up so you can make a decision about it!
Kelly, great post here regarding loving “every part” of me. For me, this has been made increasingly more possible in RECEIVING, minute by minute, God’s love for me. Not just knowing it, but receiving from Him. Grace is all encompassing here, engulfing me in the realities of life; past, present and future. Living in relationships of trust and in environments of grace; where the worst of me can be known and I’ll be loved all the more in the telling of it, makes receiving His love real. Now, I’m able to love me.
This resonates deeply, Vic. The more I'm able to see all the parts of me and love them, the more my gaze and God's gaze begin to feel like one gaze. "On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you."
Preach it bother! Thank you for this helpful post. After all these years in ministry I have yet to hear a sermon on what it means to love yourself. I better start working on that. Your insights into receiving and loving all the rings in us is so encouraging. Love the tree illustration. May I use it in my sermon? :)
I've never heard one of those sermons in church, either! I'd be quite honored to be included in it, Carlos. If there's a link to it one day, I'd love to hear it!
Wow. Thank you for putting this into words. Present day me feels excited and really cool that I have embraced the tree analogy for a long time. (“What? Yay! Good on you. You have a thought like Dr. Kelly.”). I work as a therapist and my focus is in addictions and trauma. So many rings and pain cushioned by healing. I struggle with the onion analogy. It stinks if you will, but the tree analogy is everything.
But this, holy smokes….This! The way you articulated everything, and the emotion it conveyed…wow. (Same me is saying, “You got a lot to learn girl. He says it different and you missed the most important part.” Present ring knows to cue grace and gratitude for consistent growth and learning.)
I didn’t just read this, I felt it. So many of my inner rings took a deep breath, sighed, and exhaled. My focus has been on acceptance of those rings but your words call me to lean in, name, feel them, and see them…not just to accept them, but to LOVE them.
LOVE them. You’re right. It is so cringey! I want to explain, justify, and quickly pass by the versions of myself that brought me to this exact moment…but that makes younger parts of me feel tolerated. Until this moment, until these words, I didn’t realize I was accepting and tolerating but not loving; loving every awkward, hurt, fumbling, and struggling, but oh so desperately trying, part of me.
Thank you. So. Much. These words are fresh wind and I am so grateful.
Ha! Lindsey, I love the way you practiced awareness and love of self in your comment itself. So good.
Also, you have blown me away too with your comment. There was a very meaningful discussion during our last Human Hour call about the difference between accepting and loving. I could have summarized my whole response with that phrase you used: love "leans in."
More and more, I think loving myself is being in ongoing conversation with each of my rings when they show up and ask for attention. It's hard not to love someone you're getting to know better and better.
Thank you for the way you showed up for me and other readers here today, Lindsey!
I appreciate this message and it resonates. I honestly dont know how to love all the parts of me especially things that bring shame and regret that rather be forgotten in the "sea of forgetfulness". I will also share this short performance from this young man on the Voice that feels relevant to this message and brings tears to my eyes no matter how many times I listen to it.
Well, now you've got me in tears, George. I recommend everyone go watch that.
Your sincere response brought to mind this quote from Henri Nouwen.
“How are we healed of our wounding memories? We are healed first of all by letting them be available, by leading them out of the corner of forgetfulness, and by remembering them as part of our life stories. What is forgotten is unavailable and what is unavailable cannot be healed.”
May the ocean of grace overwhelm the sea of forgetfulness.
Thank you for your reminder. I particularly like the tree analogy as I relate to trees often, especially as they endure where they are in whatever weather or event happens, continually producing and providing. Trees also adjust to changing circumstances.
I really identify with this analogy: each morning, we wake as a slightly different person than we were the day before.
Our experiences, the lessons we learn, the shifts in our attitudes and paradigms—all of it leaves its mark, shaping who we are and how we navigate this world.
It’s the essence of life’s lessons, taught by the Great School Master, reshaping us both cognitively and behaviorally with every new day.
If we accept these lessons to our hearts.
And here’s where it gets personal: I love the analogy of tree rings.
Why?
Because I love trees!
Each ring tells a story of growth, resilience, and survival—a visible record of life’s storms and seasons.
Trees wear their history so beautifully, and I think, in a way, we do too.
That is why we should live ourselves where we are because unless we are there, in place, we would be absent from class!
"We should live ourselves where we are because unless we are there, in place, we would be absent from class!" That spoke to me deeply. I'm a big believer in the power of place, of rootedness, of learning to be somewhere and staying. The trees now speak to me in a new way. Thank you!
The trees do for me too—it was mutually one of those daily paradigm shifts that through mindfulness—can be captured and taken Into the heart to create that needed change.
And change equals growth.
Thanks for the opportunity to expand on this further😊
I'm not sure that kind of change is possible without a mindfulness practice. Thank you for living that change and the good work you're doing in the world to help others with that change, as well!
I LOVE this post!! Thank you so much, Kelly, for saying all of that! It really helps make it more real as this is something I've been trying to do for a very long time now, but I loved the example of your friend's acceptance speech. It really shows how EVERY SINGLE PART OF OURSELVES needs to be loved and loved fully in order to be who we really are! Thank you! I feel that I have now been given affirmation and permission to do the same for myself and can then teach it to my diaconate formation students!
Thanks for sharing that, Jenny. I think I "knew" this before witnessing his acceptance speech, but the speech drove it home in a much deeper way. Glad it had the same effect on you. 😊
“When you can love every version of you—for who you needed to be in order to weather that season of life—there is no part of you left out of your love.”
I love this. So many parts of me are and were cringey, but understanding that it was necessary at that time helps me to accept it and move on. Thanks for this Kelly.
Another level of it is to accept it and stay there, so acceptance turns into love, and that part of you that felt so unloveable can finally get a taste of it.
I love the image of how we keep all of our rings, and it is all part of the trunk that sustains us. (I just want to stay the same size!)
Haha! Truth.
Ha! Yes, taller but not thicker, right? Why does it work in the opposite direction for us human trees? :)
What a great visual to offer acceptance of our journey to loving ourselves. It makes me consider viewing a gathering of people as a forest, all like trees embodying the collection of annual rings to be who they are now. I am considering weaving this into an intention of thought while teaching/practicing tree pose in yoga!
I love that extension of the imagery to the whole forest. I'm looking out the window at one right now. Trees know intuitively how to grow around each other so everyone can reach the sun, while still being fully who they are. I also love idea of all this being woven into a yoga intention!
We are making ornaments out of slices of tree branches today in our bereavement group! Perfect timing for me to be able to share with them about tree rings and tree-ness. And a great reminder to love myself as I walk with them through their grief.
Love this. Such a beautiful way to celebrate growth and beauty.
Wow, what synchronicity. They will always be able to see the impact of their loss in this ring of their tree, but perhaps seeing it as that will help them embrace it as part of the whole of who they are.
Love the tree analogy and the story the rings tell. Past cringyness, yes, regret, yep. When I look down the list of complications to loving ‘ourselves’, several are in awareness and embracing the purpose they served, but angrily projecting, arrogantly ignoring? Another comes to mind, actively dismissing? Loving every part?— I’ve been taught we need to cut down those parts.
It’s a struggle. We want to skip past or cut off the cringe worthy parts. Acceptance and love call us to see. The beauty they add to the whole tree. It’s so hard sometimes.
Most of us have been taught that, Rhonda. How hopeless it feels then when they spring up again at some point in the future. Back at square one. Failed. Ashamed. How much more graceful to love what is here and to watch it trying to spring up so you can make a decision about it!
It makes me love my whole experience of myself and others more.💛Wonderful, post. Thank you. So damn honest!
Thanks for sharing that immediate impact and your kind words!
Kelly, great post here regarding loving “every part” of me. For me, this has been made increasingly more possible in RECEIVING, minute by minute, God’s love for me. Not just knowing it, but receiving from Him. Grace is all encompassing here, engulfing me in the realities of life; past, present and future. Living in relationships of trust and in environments of grace; where the worst of me can be known and I’ll be loved all the more in the telling of it, makes receiving His love real. Now, I’m able to love me.
This resonates deeply, Vic. The more I'm able to see all the parts of me and love them, the more my gaze and God's gaze begin to feel like one gaze. "On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you."
I feel this in my chest. As a result, this will take some pondering!
That's the practice of openheartedness, Donna, well done!
Preach it bother! Thank you for this helpful post. After all these years in ministry I have yet to hear a sermon on what it means to love yourself. I better start working on that. Your insights into receiving and loving all the rings in us is so encouraging. Love the tree illustration. May I use it in my sermon? :)
I've never heard one of those sermons in church, either! I'd be quite honored to be included in it, Carlos. If there's a link to it one day, I'd love to hear it!
Kelly this is beautiful. The tree rings have always meant so much to me and your words are so true. Now my tree rings have a new meaning!💕
I'm so happy to hear that this added to an already precious source of contemplation for you, Rae!
Wow. Thank you for putting this into words. Present day me feels excited and really cool that I have embraced the tree analogy for a long time. (“What? Yay! Good on you. You have a thought like Dr. Kelly.”). I work as a therapist and my focus is in addictions and trauma. So many rings and pain cushioned by healing. I struggle with the onion analogy. It stinks if you will, but the tree analogy is everything.
But this, holy smokes….This! The way you articulated everything, and the emotion it conveyed…wow. (Same me is saying, “You got a lot to learn girl. He says it different and you missed the most important part.” Present ring knows to cue grace and gratitude for consistent growth and learning.)
I didn’t just read this, I felt it. So many of my inner rings took a deep breath, sighed, and exhaled. My focus has been on acceptance of those rings but your words call me to lean in, name, feel them, and see them…not just to accept them, but to LOVE them.
LOVE them. You’re right. It is so cringey! I want to explain, justify, and quickly pass by the versions of myself that brought me to this exact moment…but that makes younger parts of me feel tolerated. Until this moment, until these words, I didn’t realize I was accepting and tolerating but not loving; loving every awkward, hurt, fumbling, and struggling, but oh so desperately trying, part of me.
Thank you. So. Much. These words are fresh wind and I am so grateful.
Ha! Lindsey, I love the way you practiced awareness and love of self in your comment itself. So good.
Also, you have blown me away too with your comment. There was a very meaningful discussion during our last Human Hour call about the difference between accepting and loving. I could have summarized my whole response with that phrase you used: love "leans in."
More and more, I think loving myself is being in ongoing conversation with each of my rings when they show up and ask for attention. It's hard not to love someone you're getting to know better and better.
Thank you for the way you showed up for me and other readers here today, Lindsey!
I appreciate this message and it resonates. I honestly dont know how to love all the parts of me especially things that bring shame and regret that rather be forgotten in the "sea of forgetfulness". I will also share this short performance from this young man on the Voice that feels relevant to this message and brings tears to my eyes no matter how many times I listen to it.
https://youtu.be/eegPfUyyXko?si=iL5BZDTzKhWQRJFn
Well, now you've got me in tears, George. I recommend everyone go watch that.
Your sincere response brought to mind this quote from Henri Nouwen.
“How are we healed of our wounding memories? We are healed first of all by letting them be available, by leading them out of the corner of forgetfulness, and by remembering them as part of our life stories. What is forgotten is unavailable and what is unavailable cannot be healed.”
May the ocean of grace overwhelm the sea of forgetfulness.
We watched the young man's whole episode as a family. Brought tears to all of our eyes.
Thank you for your reminder. I particularly like the tree analogy as I relate to trees often, especially as they endure where they are in whatever weather or event happens, continually producing and providing. Trees also adjust to changing circumstances.
They are so incredibly resilient. I love that you see some of yourself in them, Carol!
I really identify with this analogy: each morning, we wake as a slightly different person than we were the day before.
Our experiences, the lessons we learn, the shifts in our attitudes and paradigms—all of it leaves its mark, shaping who we are and how we navigate this world.
It’s the essence of life’s lessons, taught by the Great School Master, reshaping us both cognitively and behaviorally with every new day.
If we accept these lessons to our hearts.
And here’s where it gets personal: I love the analogy of tree rings.
Why?
Because I love trees!
Each ring tells a story of growth, resilience, and survival—a visible record of life’s storms and seasons.
Trees wear their history so beautifully, and I think, in a way, we do too.
That is why we should live ourselves where we are because unless we are there, in place, we would be absent from class!
—Zach
ocdnewmexico.substack.com
"We should live ourselves where we are because unless we are there, in place, we would be absent from class!" That spoke to me deeply. I'm a big believer in the power of place, of rootedness, of learning to be somewhere and staying. The trees now speak to me in a new way. Thank you!
The trees do for me too—it was mutually one of those daily paradigm shifts that through mindfulness—can be captured and taken Into the heart to create that needed change.
And change equals growth.
Thanks for the opportunity to expand on this further😊
—Zach
ocdnewmexico.substack.com
I'm not sure that kind of change is possible without a mindfulness practice. Thank you for living that change and the good work you're doing in the world to help others with that change, as well!
Thank you, Kelly and you as well!
Welp, you win the prize for using dendrochronologist properly in a sentence. You gotta love that part of you.
This makes me think of Richard Schwartz’s book, “No Bad Parts.”
Agreed on all accounts
Damon, I have to admit, I had to go look it up for this point. I love that part of me too. :)
No Bad Parts is SO good. I recommend it to everyone!
I LOVE this post!! Thank you so much, Kelly, for saying all of that! It really helps make it more real as this is something I've been trying to do for a very long time now, but I loved the example of your friend's acceptance speech. It really shows how EVERY SINGLE PART OF OURSELVES needs to be loved and loved fully in order to be who we really are! Thank you! I feel that I have now been given affirmation and permission to do the same for myself and can then teach it to my diaconate formation students!
Thanks for sharing that, Jenny. I think I "knew" this before witnessing his acceptance speech, but the speech drove it home in a much deeper way. Glad it had the same effect on you. 😊
“When you can love every version of you—for who you needed to be in order to weather that season of life—there is no part of you left out of your love.”
I love this. So many parts of me are and were cringey, but understanding that it was necessary at that time helps me to accept it and move on. Thanks for this Kelly.
Another level of it is to accept it and stay there, so acceptance turns into love, and that part of you that felt so unloveable can finally get a taste of it.