It still amazes me that something I wrote is the only information besides the Bible cited in the best-selling relationship book of all time—The 5 Love Languages. I published it ten years ago this week as a Valentine's blog post titled, "Why One Text Message is More Romantic Than a Hundred Valentine Cards." It's about the relevance of a psychological concept called "object permanence" to love and romance. In honor of its 10th anniversary, I've revised and updated it for this Valentine's Day. May it inspire you to love even more intentionally!
You continue to offer relationship wisdom in delightful stories that connect immediately to real life!
My love language is acts of service. My husband’s is physical touch. Both are highly related to object permanence because after 30+ years of marriage we still love especially when we are apart!
I don't know for sure but by the titles I think maybe my love languages are quality time and touch. I adore attention from my wife and her fingers are magical, they calm and excite me no matter how she connects with me.
Young love was most assuredly me finding Emily constantly. I worked it out to drive her to classes at her college 20+ minutes from my college (with my home in-between), come back to either taker her to lunch or eat lunch with her if we packed stuff for ourselves. Then to take her home and usually to take her out for something nearly every day. I joined the church choir to stand behind her, even though I don't sing. I held her hand everywhere. I was very present in her life. Perhaps a nuisance, but she never said no and always smiled when I showed up. So I lived on that. I wrote her notes about how I was thinking of her while I was a cashier at Lowe's. We'd run low on receipt tape and when you trade it out I would use the remaining bit of the role with he red indicator ink on it to write her notes and leave them for her. We both put notes on each others cars pretty often. Young love for me was just being near her for any reason. I still feel that way. Love her presence and her company. We text a lot now. Even when I have to be in a place where I cannot bring my phone, if I can get on the internet I worked out how to use the email to text feature so I can still text her from any email account. She tells me what's happening to her or how she feels and I continue to look for ways to be connected to her.
Maybe I'm obsessed. I don't think its possessive because I'm not checking on her location or who she's with, just telling her I miss her and responding to her thoughts and feelings on stuff she expresses to me. Still, having someone always keeping you in mind and never not thinking about you is pretty nice. Sure we get busy, distracted, and even tired enough to break or slow communications, but when it counts we are never separated by anything.
Great Topic. Happy Valentines Day! My love languages are Words of Affirmation (something that has depth and communicates endearing connection to Me. Actions that match lovely heartfelt words are the ultimate bond. Quality Time is the other one. Investment in an US takes time and priority and i've always matched best with those that like spending Time building memories and sharing lifes simple moments. SO much bonding happens in the simple moments.
My love languages are acts of service, meaningful words/ affirmations, and touch. Gary's are gifts, touch. He mentioned about wanting to go to a local community theaters gala this April, stating it look like fun. So I bought the tickets and tucked them in a Valentine for him. For all my grandkids, I homemade Valentines, and wrote things that I love about them,: their qualities, their strengths. Your comment about object permanence had me thinking about the fact if I get no texts or emails over a long period of time, I say "nobody loves me today!" I'm sure that's a skewed version of object impermanence!
So helpful to read this, Kelly! My love languages (and the ways I feel most "thought of") are gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation - but acts of service come first. My partner's are physical touch and words of affirmation, so far as I gather. The disconnect between our languages has definitely provided plenty of room for listening, learning, and growing individually and as a couple.
Kelly…this is very very good. I’m catching up on your substack, Humaning, posts. Object permanence…so true, undeniably true! I was reflecting on how Monique and I over the years have continue to not only verbally say to one another, “I love you” but also now use text messages, emoji’s, etc. let each other know we are present even when we are apart.
You continue to offer relationship wisdom in delightful stories that connect immediately to real life!
My love language is acts of service. My husband’s is physical touch. Both are highly related to object permanence because after 30+ years of marriage we still love especially when we are apart!
Love it. Thank you for sharing.
I don't know for sure but by the titles I think maybe my love languages are quality time and touch. I adore attention from my wife and her fingers are magical, they calm and excite me no matter how she connects with me.
Young love was most assuredly me finding Emily constantly. I worked it out to drive her to classes at her college 20+ minutes from my college (with my home in-between), come back to either taker her to lunch or eat lunch with her if we packed stuff for ourselves. Then to take her home and usually to take her out for something nearly every day. I joined the church choir to stand behind her, even though I don't sing. I held her hand everywhere. I was very present in her life. Perhaps a nuisance, but she never said no and always smiled when I showed up. So I lived on that. I wrote her notes about how I was thinking of her while I was a cashier at Lowe's. We'd run low on receipt tape and when you trade it out I would use the remaining bit of the role with he red indicator ink on it to write her notes and leave them for her. We both put notes on each others cars pretty often. Young love for me was just being near her for any reason. I still feel that way. Love her presence and her company. We text a lot now. Even when I have to be in a place where I cannot bring my phone, if I can get on the internet I worked out how to use the email to text feature so I can still text her from any email account. She tells me what's happening to her or how she feels and I continue to look for ways to be connected to her.
Maybe I'm obsessed. I don't think its possessive because I'm not checking on her location or who she's with, just telling her I miss her and responding to her thoughts and feelings on stuff she expresses to me. Still, having someone always keeping you in mind and never not thinking about you is pretty nice. Sure we get busy, distracted, and even tired enough to break or slow communications, but when it counts we are never separated by anything.
Great Topic. Happy Valentines Day! My love languages are Words of Affirmation (something that has depth and communicates endearing connection to Me. Actions that match lovely heartfelt words are the ultimate bond. Quality Time is the other one. Investment in an US takes time and priority and i've always matched best with those that like spending Time building memories and sharing lifes simple moments. SO much bonding happens in the simple moments.
My love languages are acts of service, meaningful words/ affirmations, and touch. Gary's are gifts, touch. He mentioned about wanting to go to a local community theaters gala this April, stating it look like fun. So I bought the tickets and tucked them in a Valentine for him. For all my grandkids, I homemade Valentines, and wrote things that I love about them,: their qualities, their strengths. Your comment about object permanence had me thinking about the fact if I get no texts or emails over a long period of time, I say "nobody loves me today!" I'm sure that's a skewed version of object impermanence!
So helpful to read this, Kelly! My love languages (and the ways I feel most "thought of") are gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation - but acts of service come first. My partner's are physical touch and words of affirmation, so far as I gather. The disconnect between our languages has definitely provided plenty of room for listening, learning, and growing individually and as a couple.
Kelly…this is very very good. I’m catching up on your substack, Humaning, posts. Object permanence…so true, undeniably true! I was reflecting on how Monique and I over the years have continue to not only verbally say to one another, “I love you” but also now use text messages, emoji’s, etc. let each other know we are present even when we are apart.