"Is there anything more human than arriving in a crowded world, looking into the vast sea of faces staring past you, and searching for someone who actually sees you and wants you?"
100%, Kelly. Well articulated.
What came to mind as I read this: If I can show up for every conversation as the person who makes another person feel like, "Nobody has made me feel this seen before," I will have done at least one thing I really want to do in life. It's probably impossible, but worth shooting for IMHO.
To do what we can to reduce the odds of another person's loneliness is about the highest calling I can imagine, Damon. Really glad to be connected with you here on Substack.
Yes! Let's shoot for that. It's amazing when I take a minute to look into the person's eyes who is ringing me up, or bringing me food, or holding the door for me. The recognition, just being SEEN is so powerful. You can see them light up. Like Kelly says, it's brighter than spotlights.
It’s funny you mention eyes, Jocelyn. I’m in the States this week, helping Mother with some projects. (Home is Mexico) I am struggling connect with people. They just won’t make eye contact. I feel like a stranger in my home country. It’s cold, and winter hasn’t even arrived yet.
How I love divine timing! A conversation with myself this morning. I’m the only one (I shall not mention where) that a certain person does not throw positive attention (gushing compliments) too) and supposedly I am important or one would assume based on position.
Yesterday it all happened in front of me and a bunch of others. To the naked eye no one noticed I do not receive a single good word, nothing while this person gave to everyone else in attendance.
Fast forward to this morning and waking to thinking about it. I heard God whisper I approve you. I said to myself and to God that’s really all I need. Can I simply appreciate the ones that approve me and stop hustling for the ones that don’t. Seems my life’s work.
Can I find homecoming within me when I am not receiving it in other important places. Also interesting how God brings me messages such as this one to find those I do belong to so my love meter can go up! Today, I’m leaning into those who see my value and not try so hard to please those who probably will not.
Crazy thing is, I’m not sure why I have nothing worth loving/gushing/appreciating about myself to this person. I certainly give it. Hmmm well that’s another topic all together.
Nan, I can see how you'd get caught up in the mental problem-solving around why this person doesn't acknowledge you in the way you deserve, but two phrases jump out at me from your comment.
1. "Stop hustling for the ones that don't." Maybe trying to figure them out is part of the mental hustle. Let them be a mystery. Take your energy back.
2. "Can I find homecoming within me." Here's a link to a Note I just posted. There's some synchronicity here.
I experience the little homecomings whenever I walk into the presence of someone who reciprocates my love. I grew up in a home where I felt invisible and walking on eggshells, afraid I wouldn't rouse the monsters in the house. It's not just a little relief but a lot of joy when I find myself in the presence of my wife whom I've shared life lessons with for over 46 years
My 4 y/o Grandson loves to ring the doorbell when he comes over. Oh, the pure joy on his face when I open the door! Fills my heart with so much love. ♥️
Whenever I arrive home after some time away and our dog, Franklin, greets me. The longer I've been away, the more excited he is. Dogs are the epitome of unconditional love.
It's so true. I notice it especially when I go out to the car, realize I've forgotten something, and then come back inside after like 30 seconds, and he still treats it like a homecoming! 😊
Waking this morn in the same anguish of uncertainty that so many of us feel these days, and being greeted by the relief of your Humaning in my mailbox, I find joy in the truth that we are one in our intention to find solidarity in the faces of the other. Thank you
The prologue to my evening and the weekend ahead. I too will be close to that 50 yard line awaiting my senior to play a solo on his trumpet. As I navigate October it is with thanksgiving and focus on the grace needed to process the anniversary of the loss of my mother. She was ready for the homecoming so heavenly, and to see her love who left unexpectedly so many years before. Without him we focused more on the little things as she lived out her life. My parents lived and loved with heart. This night of “homecoming” I too will focus on the little things through the eyes of my teens. A proud parent moment but most importantly loving wastefully as my Mother taught me. Thank you @drkellyflanagan for your wisdom once again.
Oh my goodness, "loving wastefully." What a legacy of love your mother left you that you are passing on. The image of you poised between generations, a conduit for that love, is really powerful. Sometimes a football game is more than a football game.
"Loving wastefully". If my heart is full opened, i easily and generously lavish Love. Thats a good marker for me to tell if my heart is wide-open or not - especially if I think it is - but that unbounded leaking of love has not been there. Thank you.
Heather, what a powerful reflection. I'm making note of this as an important discussion point: what are your most reliable markers of openheartedness, even more so than thinking your heart is open?
So great to read this as my plane lands back in my hometown. I've been gone from my family for four days and appreciate this reminder to not take the homecoming for granted.
I love this so much. I appreciated even your sitting down in front for the sake of your aging eyes. I always grab front row seats when I can! Last night my 1 and 3 year old grandkids arrived. When the one year old, who can't yet talk, spotted me standing at the door (He was in his Dad's arms by the car) he pointed toward me. Pointing is how he communicates what he wants. I felt so loved by that point and then holding him in my arms. Also the looks on their faces when I arrive at their house. My older grandkids have different ways of expressing homecoming. The six year old wants to drag me outside to play baseball with him. The thirteen year old likes to process verbally whatever he's working through as we go on walks. Last week he shared something he'd done that he wasn't proud of that had left him in a quandary. I felt like a confessor and so appreciated that he trusted me enough to confess and explore his options. Not grandkid related but I recently saw a younger woman who has been through so much grief in the last two years. Although we have been in contact electronically, this was the first physical connection since her loss. Being a safe harbor for her tears as I held her was so precious for us both. Homecoming is both finding your sense of home and getting to be home for another. Thanks, Kelly, for this rich share.
"Homecoming is both finding your sense of home and getting to be home for another." That's what I felt throughout reading your comment, Jane. You and another reader have illuminated for me grandparenthood as a special place of homecoming. Thank you.
Kelly, this brought tears, "I’ll be surprised if tears are outlawed there, because I feel most at home in the places where my tears are not banished but cherished. And I suspect we’ll love our neighbors there not because everybody votes like us, but because we’ve shed the parts of us that hate." and "homecoming that happens inside this human experience." and this, "Is there anything more human than arriving in a crowded world, looking into the vast sea of faces staring past you, and searching for someone who actually sees you and wants you?"
Okay, fine, the whole thing made me cry and now I need a tissue in the best way.
So beautiful your naming of it here, "Same anguish. Same relief. Same joy. Same homecoming, every time."
My little homecomings:
My husband and I both work from home, but in separate spaces. We call out throughout the day, "Love." And the other calls back, "Love." A statement, a naming, a finding, every time.
My mother and I live far apart and even though we email and call frequently, almost daily, we write each other actual letters. Seeing her handwriting is a homecoming every time.
My sister and I start our weekly calls with the word, "Sugar." Every time she says it my hear melts.
Thank you so much for asking us to share this, Kelly. My heart feels so full right now.
I was touched by everything you shared here, Jocelyn, but particularly that image of your mother's handwriting. My wife had a similar relationship with one of her grandmothers. I could pick her handwriting out of a lineup. ❤️
Little homecomings: lighting candles for Rosh Hashanah..first night with my brother on FaceTime. We say the prayer ushering in the new year and remember our parents, grandparents etc….it connects us to all those we believe are watching over and smiling as we are carrying on traditions they once fought for and shared with us…until it became our turn to represent them and carry them on too…
My goodness, Marilyn, I love nothing more than these spiritual traditions which center us within the great flow of time and generations. Thank you for taking the time to share it so beautifully here in the midst of your celebration!
My best homecoming is when one of my grandchildren see me, smile and run to me. This always warms my heart. Also, when I sit on the floor and they back up to me and plop in my lap. Pure joy.
Kelly, I don’t know how it is that you always seem to capture something that’s been on my mind. You have a knack for capturing something that is part of our humanness, hold it up to the light and reflect it back. I’ve been feeling a bit lost lately, but right now I’m feeling a little less so as I’m reminded that we’re all part of a much bigger tribe. Thank you for your insights so beautifully articulated!
Henri Nouwen always said the most personal is the most universal. Just following his lead. 😊 I'm so glad it resonated with you in this way. Yes, the surface of loss is loneliness but the depth of it is sharing in the deepest pain of humanity, where you are very much not alone.
What if homecomings aren't just about returning to a place or person, but about returning to ourselves? Maybe the most profound homecoming is the one where we reconnect with our true essence, our inner peace and joy. This article sparked a fascinating new way of thinking about homecomings for me.
"Is there anything more human than arriving in a crowded world, looking into the vast sea of faces staring past you, and searching for someone who actually sees you and wants you?"
100%, Kelly. Well articulated.
What came to mind as I read this: If I can show up for every conversation as the person who makes another person feel like, "Nobody has made me feel this seen before," I will have done at least one thing I really want to do in life. It's probably impossible, but worth shooting for IMHO.
To do what we can to reduce the odds of another person's loneliness is about the highest calling I can imagine, Damon. Really glad to be connected with you here on Substack.
Sentiments shared over here, Kelly.
Keep writing!
Yes! Let's shoot for that. It's amazing when I take a minute to look into the person's eyes who is ringing me up, or bringing me food, or holding the door for me. The recognition, just being SEEN is so powerful. You can see them light up. Like Kelly says, it's brighter than spotlights.
It’s funny you mention eyes, Jocelyn. I’m in the States this week, helping Mother with some projects. (Home is Mexico) I am struggling connect with people. They just won’t make eye contact. I feel like a stranger in my home country. It’s cold, and winter hasn’t even arrived yet.
No wonder people don’t feel seen.
YES. That's the power we have in any moment. To become a safe space for others to come forward from deep within themselves.
How I love divine timing! A conversation with myself this morning. I’m the only one (I shall not mention where) that a certain person does not throw positive attention (gushing compliments) too) and supposedly I am important or one would assume based on position.
Yesterday it all happened in front of me and a bunch of others. To the naked eye no one noticed I do not receive a single good word, nothing while this person gave to everyone else in attendance.
Fast forward to this morning and waking to thinking about it. I heard God whisper I approve you. I said to myself and to God that’s really all I need. Can I simply appreciate the ones that approve me and stop hustling for the ones that don’t. Seems my life’s work.
Can I find homecoming within me when I am not receiving it in other important places. Also interesting how God brings me messages such as this one to find those I do belong to so my love meter can go up! Today, I’m leaning into those who see my value and not try so hard to please those who probably will not.
Crazy thing is, I’m not sure why I have nothing worth loving/gushing/appreciating about myself to this person. I certainly give it. Hmmm well that’s another topic all together.
Thanks Kelly, for letting me work this out here.
Nan, I can see how you'd get caught up in the mental problem-solving around why this person doesn't acknowledge you in the way you deserve, but two phrases jump out at me from your comment.
1. "Stop hustling for the ones that don't." Maybe trying to figure them out is part of the mental hustle. Let them be a mystery. Take your energy back.
2. "Can I find homecoming within me." Here's a link to a Note I just posted. There's some synchronicity here.
https://substack.com/@drkellyflanagan/note/c-71378076
I experience the little homecomings whenever I walk into the presence of someone who reciprocates my love. I grew up in a home where I felt invisible and walking on eggshells, afraid I wouldn't rouse the monsters in the house. It's not just a little relief but a lot of joy when I find myself in the presence of my wife whom I've shared life lessons with for over 46 years
Mmm. That's powerful George. Just being in the presence of her is a gift. Nothing additional required. That's beautiful.
My 4 y/o Grandson loves to ring the doorbell when he comes over. Oh, the pure joy on his face when I open the door! Fills my heart with so much love. ♥️
I can picture it, and I love it. Thank you for sharing it with us, Kathleen!
This is beautiful. And I always love a good Bruce quote!
From Badlands, one of his best, which is saying something!
Whenever I arrive home after some time away and our dog, Franklin, greets me. The longer I've been away, the more excited he is. Dogs are the epitome of unconditional love.
It's so true. I notice it especially when I go out to the car, realize I've forgotten something, and then come back inside after like 30 seconds, and he still treats it like a homecoming! 😊
Waking this morn in the same anguish of uncertainty that so many of us feel these days, and being greeted by the relief of your Humaning in my mailbox, I find joy in the truth that we are one in our intention to find solidarity in the faces of the other. Thank you
"We are one in our intention to find solidarity in the faces of the other." And now you have comforted me, Kate. 😊
The prologue to my evening and the weekend ahead. I too will be close to that 50 yard line awaiting my senior to play a solo on his trumpet. As I navigate October it is with thanksgiving and focus on the grace needed to process the anniversary of the loss of my mother. She was ready for the homecoming so heavenly, and to see her love who left unexpectedly so many years before. Without him we focused more on the little things as she lived out her life. My parents lived and loved with heart. This night of “homecoming” I too will focus on the little things through the eyes of my teens. A proud parent moment but most importantly loving wastefully as my Mother taught me. Thank you @drkellyflanagan for your wisdom once again.
Oh my goodness, "loving wastefully." What a legacy of love your mother left you that you are passing on. The image of you poised between generations, a conduit for that love, is really powerful. Sometimes a football game is more than a football game.
"Loving wastefully". If my heart is full opened, i easily and generously lavish Love. Thats a good marker for me to tell if my heart is wide-open or not - especially if I think it is - but that unbounded leaking of love has not been there. Thank you.
Heather, what a powerful reflection. I'm making note of this as an important discussion point: what are your most reliable markers of openheartedness, even more so than thinking your heart is open?
C
So great to read this as my plane lands back in my hometown. I've been gone from my family for four days and appreciate this reminder to not take the homecoming for granted.
Praying you were fully present to that homecoming, exactly the way it was!
I love this so much. I appreciated even your sitting down in front for the sake of your aging eyes. I always grab front row seats when I can! Last night my 1 and 3 year old grandkids arrived. When the one year old, who can't yet talk, spotted me standing at the door (He was in his Dad's arms by the car) he pointed toward me. Pointing is how he communicates what he wants. I felt so loved by that point and then holding him in my arms. Also the looks on their faces when I arrive at their house. My older grandkids have different ways of expressing homecoming. The six year old wants to drag me outside to play baseball with him. The thirteen year old likes to process verbally whatever he's working through as we go on walks. Last week he shared something he'd done that he wasn't proud of that had left him in a quandary. I felt like a confessor and so appreciated that he trusted me enough to confess and explore his options. Not grandkid related but I recently saw a younger woman who has been through so much grief in the last two years. Although we have been in contact electronically, this was the first physical connection since her loss. Being a safe harbor for her tears as I held her was so precious for us both. Homecoming is both finding your sense of home and getting to be home for another. Thanks, Kelly, for this rich share.
"Homecoming is both finding your sense of home and getting to be home for another." That's what I felt throughout reading your comment, Jane. You and another reader have illuminated for me grandparenthood as a special place of homecoming. Thank you.
Lovely essay and a reminder that little things matter -- a lot. Thank you.
Thanks for reading, Kaarin. 😊
Kelly, this brought tears, "I’ll be surprised if tears are outlawed there, because I feel most at home in the places where my tears are not banished but cherished. And I suspect we’ll love our neighbors there not because everybody votes like us, but because we’ve shed the parts of us that hate." and "homecoming that happens inside this human experience." and this, "Is there anything more human than arriving in a crowded world, looking into the vast sea of faces staring past you, and searching for someone who actually sees you and wants you?"
Okay, fine, the whole thing made me cry and now I need a tissue in the best way.
So beautiful your naming of it here, "Same anguish. Same relief. Same joy. Same homecoming, every time."
My little homecomings:
My husband and I both work from home, but in separate spaces. We call out throughout the day, "Love." And the other calls back, "Love." A statement, a naming, a finding, every time.
My mother and I live far apart and even though we email and call frequently, almost daily, we write each other actual letters. Seeing her handwriting is a homecoming every time.
My sister and I start our weekly calls with the word, "Sugar." Every time she says it my hear melts.
Thank you so much for asking us to share this, Kelly. My heart feels so full right now.
🙏
I was touched by everything you shared here, Jocelyn, but particularly that image of your mother's handwriting. My wife had a similar relationship with one of her grandmothers. I could pick her handwriting out of a lineup. ❤️
Little homecomings: lighting candles for Rosh Hashanah..first night with my brother on FaceTime. We say the prayer ushering in the new year and remember our parents, grandparents etc….it connects us to all those we believe are watching over and smiling as we are carrying on traditions they once fought for and shared with us…until it became our turn to represent them and carry them on too…
My goodness, Marilyn, I love nothing more than these spiritual traditions which center us within the great flow of time and generations. Thank you for taking the time to share it so beautifully here in the midst of your celebration!
My best homecoming is when one of my grandchildren see me, smile and run to me. This always warms my heart. Also, when I sit on the floor and they back up to me and plop in my lap. Pure joy.
That's a hat trick for grandparenthood as homecoming. What a blessing it is!
Kelly, I don’t know how it is that you always seem to capture something that’s been on my mind. You have a knack for capturing something that is part of our humanness, hold it up to the light and reflect it back. I’ve been feeling a bit lost lately, but right now I’m feeling a little less so as I’m reminded that we’re all part of a much bigger tribe. Thank you for your insights so beautifully articulated!
Henri Nouwen always said the most personal is the most universal. Just following his lead. 😊 I'm so glad it resonated with you in this way. Yes, the surface of loss is loneliness but the depth of it is sharing in the deepest pain of humanity, where you are very much not alone.
So true, and I am reminded of that here. Thank you.
What if homecomings aren't just about returning to a place or person, but about returning to ourselves? Maybe the most profound homecoming is the one where we reconnect with our true essence, our inner peace and joy. This article sparked a fascinating new way of thinking about homecomings for me.