The timing of this landing in my inbox could not have been more perfect. Thank you! I’m in the ashes and doing my very best to feel it all- though the joy is a bit hard to muster right now. Spring is coming. I know.
I’m so glad this arrived at the right time for you, Courtney. “Epiphanies don’t last forever,” said our rector a couple of weeks ago, “but neither do valleys.” Spring is coming, indeed.
Sadness has been my most faithful and consistent companion for as long as I can remember, Kelly, and this explains so much.
At some point during my childhood, I would periodically sit at the edge of my bed, cry spontaneously, and then lie down. I didn't understand it, but it felt natural, ordinary, and necessary. It was as if feelings and emotions had been building up and needed to be released from time to time. Something was reassuring about it, and I always felt relaxed, at ease, and peaceful (as you put it) afterward.
I'm grateful that you shared your insights about anxiety and anger and their relationship to sadness. I'm looking forward to observing these phenomena in my experiences in this new light.
Thanks for sharing this part of your story, Ryan. It’s remarkable how wise a young child can be, before other messages get to them. Here’s to all of us reclaiming a little more of that childlikeness.
Joy in release blended with the sadness of letting go.
To answer your question, I suspect I experience sadness in a similar way to yours, although my words might flow differently. Mine begins by hovering just below my heart, as tho a knife had been plunged there, followed by fists gripping my chest, collapsing my heart under the pressure, up my throat as I am gasping for air, and falls out of my mouth in a mournful ache, as the tears fall down my face. That’s how the true sadness blooms.
There is a different type of sadness that is silent, voiceless, my breath doesn’t move, the tears stream down my cheeks, there is no noise, only a hollow ache of heartbreak.
When the initial tears have paused, I feel hollow, cavernous, in disbelief over what happened or someone else did. Relief doesn’t come for awhile.
Teyani, I love how attuned you are to these emotions, so that you can notice the different tenor of different kinds of sadness. You are a connoisseur of sadness, and that’s actually quite powerful.
Wow this is so beautiful Kelly! As someone with a lifetime of chronic illness and anxiety and having done lots of research on the mind body connection, there is a lot here I resonate with. This is a wonderful piece of writing. Thank you.
I really appreciate that, Karen. It’s important to have these kinds of insights cross-validated by people who have been “in the trenches,” so to speak. I’m so glad this resonates with you.
"Sadness, when allowed to flow unfettered, paves the way for peace. It cleanses you and empties you, freeing all the other energies that were trapped right behind it."
And a bonus thank you for bringing Richard Rohr into the piece!
Kelly! I’m so glad I read this post today, I’ve been feeling the weight of sadness but usually express it as anxiety or more regularly anger (enneagram 8)! Your illustrations and personal stories have helped me. The wind & the rocks together make a beautiful song 🎶
Stephanie, it’s great to connect with you again, and I’m so glad to hear the timing of this was right for you. I love Enneagram 8s. I now see in their anger the sadness they converted right before it was released. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this, Kelly. When sadness moves upward, resisting is only causing more friction, more accumulation of sadness … the sadness of not letting this sadness flow! It’s serendipitous, in some ways, that I wrote about the movement of pain this week as well…you might find some parallels here in The Unbearable Weight of Letting Go: https://open.substack.com/pub/mansimakes/p/surrender?r=9mlzt&utm_medium=ios
I'm so impressed with a younger generation of parents who are telling their children that it's ok to cry. IT'S OK TO CRY. I love it that I get to be a part of a generation that champions authentic emotions. I hope it teaches the kind of empathy that we so badly need... for ourselves and others. I am taking this to heart today, Kelly, and will let my own tears fall when they need to.
It feels like we are on the cusp of another evolution in human consciousness. One where we are tuned into the emotional pain we carry in our bodies. I'm with you, Donna, it's amazing to think about a generation of young people brought up aware of this. If never too late to model it for them!
I grew up hearing these words very often: “stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
As an adult, I’m now considered the emotional one in the family and I’m developing the ability to not take offense to that and to know I’m only becoming more attuned to my whole self!
Thank you for this essay Kelly! As usually, it resonated with me! ❤️
Wow, that brings back memories, Rho. I heard that a few times myself! Thank you for the way you are leading all of your people in this important relearning.
This was the perfect read for where I'm at today--present to sadness with no real explanation. If I tried to explain what's coming up for me today, I would use words like "frustration" or "anger" but when I let it be... without explanation... it's all the same energy--sadness. Thank you, Kelly. I love your insight and gentleness.
That is beautiful awareness, beautifully expressed, Allysha. It reminds me of a precept we talked about in a recent community call: "You don't understand your way to feeling, you feel your way to understanding."
I don't know where to begin. Yes, yes, and yes. I certainly don't cry daily (not me!) but I do let tears flow more easily than I used to. And the sadness that produces them. And the relief it brings. I definitely get the "all of it at once"-ness of life. I feel it but find it hard to put into words. Thank you Kelly, for describing it in a helpful way.
I’m so glad that resonated with you in a helpful and sticky way!
Beautiful and true. Thank you so much, Kelly!
Thanks as always for being here, Cynthia.
The timing of this landing in my inbox could not have been more perfect. Thank you! I’m in the ashes and doing my very best to feel it all- though the joy is a bit hard to muster right now. Spring is coming. I know.
I’m so glad this arrived at the right time for you, Courtney. “Epiphanies don’t last forever,” said our rector a couple of weeks ago, “but neither do valleys.” Spring is coming, indeed.
🙏🫶
Sadness has been my most faithful and consistent companion for as long as I can remember, Kelly, and this explains so much.
At some point during my childhood, I would periodically sit at the edge of my bed, cry spontaneously, and then lie down. I didn't understand it, but it felt natural, ordinary, and necessary. It was as if feelings and emotions had been building up and needed to be released from time to time. Something was reassuring about it, and I always felt relaxed, at ease, and peaceful (as you put it) afterward.
I'm grateful that you shared your insights about anxiety and anger and their relationship to sadness. I'm looking forward to observing these phenomena in my experiences in this new light.
Thanks for sharing this part of your story, Ryan. It’s remarkable how wise a young child can be, before other messages get to them. Here’s to all of us reclaiming a little more of that childlikeness.
I agree wholeheartedly. Kids are brilliant. Amen to “reclaiming a little more of that childlikeness” for all.
So elegantly written Kelly. Thank you for this.
Joy in release blended with the sadness of letting go.
To answer your question, I suspect I experience sadness in a similar way to yours, although my words might flow differently. Mine begins by hovering just below my heart, as tho a knife had been plunged there, followed by fists gripping my chest, collapsing my heart under the pressure, up my throat as I am gasping for air, and falls out of my mouth in a mournful ache, as the tears fall down my face. That’s how the true sadness blooms.
There is a different type of sadness that is silent, voiceless, my breath doesn’t move, the tears stream down my cheeks, there is no noise, only a hollow ache of heartbreak.
When the initial tears have paused, I feel hollow, cavernous, in disbelief over what happened or someone else did. Relief doesn’t come for awhile.
Teyani, I love how attuned you are to these emotions, so that you can notice the different tenor of different kinds of sadness. You are a connoisseur of sadness, and that’s actually quite powerful.
Thank you Kelly. It’s a familiar emotion for sure.
The release of Father Richard's new book comes at the perfect time for your tears and sadness.
Oh must get it!!!
It’s so good, Stephanie. “The Tears of Things."
That last quote in the post is an excerpt of the first quote from the book!
Wow this is so beautiful Kelly! As someone with a lifetime of chronic illness and anxiety and having done lots of research on the mind body connection, there is a lot here I resonate with. This is a wonderful piece of writing. Thank you.
I really appreciate that, Karen. It’s important to have these kinds of insights cross-validated by people who have been “in the trenches,” so to speak. I’m so glad this resonates with you.
This is particularly insightful and rich. Thank you so much.
You’re welcome, and thank you for your kind words, Susan.
So essential. So beautiful, Kelly.
"Sadness, when allowed to flow unfettered, paves the way for peace. It cleanses you and empties you, freeing all the other energies that were trapped right behind it."
And a bonus thank you for bringing Richard Rohr into the piece!
Thank you, James. And by the way, the last quote in the post is an excerpt of the epigraph to Rohr’s new book. I couldn’t recommend it more.
Kelly - it’s on order - hopefully arriving in the next couple of days.
I have an essay publishing tomorrow in which I give you a shout out. 🙏.
It’s titled: Here and There: Where our heart echoes. It’s about love and pain. I think you’ll enjoy it. 😊
I can’t wait to read it and, I’m sure, share it!
Kelly! I’m so glad I read this post today, I’ve been feeling the weight of sadness but usually express it as anxiety or more regularly anger (enneagram 8)! Your illustrations and personal stories have helped me. The wind & the rocks together make a beautiful song 🎶
Stephanie, it’s great to connect with you again, and I’m so glad to hear the timing of this was right for you. I love Enneagram 8s. I now see in their anger the sadness they converted right before it was released. ❤️
Yes!!
Sadness and peace, devastation and joy, wind and rocks… I’m here for it all and thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Thank you. 🙏
I know you are, Megan. The fact that it all resonated with you is very gratifying!
Thank you for sharing this, Kelly. When sadness moves upward, resisting is only causing more friction, more accumulation of sadness … the sadness of not letting this sadness flow! It’s serendipitous, in some ways, that I wrote about the movement of pain this week as well…you might find some parallels here in The Unbearable Weight of Letting Go: https://open.substack.com/pub/mansimakes/p/surrender?r=9mlzt&utm_medium=ios
I can’t wait to read it, Mansi, thank you for sharing it!
I'm so impressed with a younger generation of parents who are telling their children that it's ok to cry. IT'S OK TO CRY. I love it that I get to be a part of a generation that champions authentic emotions. I hope it teaches the kind of empathy that we so badly need... for ourselves and others. I am taking this to heart today, Kelly, and will let my own tears fall when they need to.
It feels like we are on the cusp of another evolution in human consciousness. One where we are tuned into the emotional pain we carry in our bodies. I'm with you, Donna, it's amazing to think about a generation of young people brought up aware of this. If never too late to model it for them!
I grew up hearing these words very often: “stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
As an adult, I’m now considered the emotional one in the family and I’m developing the ability to not take offense to that and to know I’m only becoming more attuned to my whole self!
Thank you for this essay Kelly! As usually, it resonated with me! ❤️
Wow, that brings back memories, Rho. I heard that a few times myself! Thank you for the way you are leading all of your people in this important relearning.
This was the perfect read for where I'm at today--present to sadness with no real explanation. If I tried to explain what's coming up for me today, I would use words like "frustration" or "anger" but when I let it be... without explanation... it's all the same energy--sadness. Thank you, Kelly. I love your insight and gentleness.
That is beautiful awareness, beautifully expressed, Allysha. It reminds me of a precept we talked about in a recent community call: "You don't understand your way to feeling, you feel your way to understanding."
Mmm… I love that!
I’d love to post that as a Note. Can I quote you on that?
I’d be honored. 🙏
I don't know where to begin. Yes, yes, and yes. I certainly don't cry daily (not me!) but I do let tears flow more easily than I used to. And the sadness that produces them. And the relief it brings. I definitely get the "all of it at once"-ness of life. I feel it but find it hard to put into words. Thank you Kelly, for describing it in a helpful way.