"Self-improvement and self-rejection are really the same thing, and what we’re all called to is greater self-awareness so we can eventually and finally arrive at some genuine self-acceptance."
Oh, Kelly! Your headline alone was one of those wild “OMG, YES! I have always known this but never knew it clearly enough to put the right words to it, so it feels totally new anyway” moments. I’ve really been feeling exhausted lately—and probably for years, honestly—at the constant pressure to improve, and the implication that you’re just not good enough as you are. There’s something so incredibly empowering about the idea that you just need help with a certain issue/project, rather than needing to be “better” somehow (though of course our culture says you should never need help with anything!). I can’t wait to read this chapter!
I've got to get permission first to share it from the friend who inspired it, but once I do, I can't wait to share it, either in a paid post or eventually in the book!
Nice. I'm on a proper family vacation this week. First one ever in 19 years of marriage. We have a lot of mixed emotions trying to do this one thing right knowing it may be the only one of its nature in our family dynamic. The stress is a little cumbersome as we try to make family memories to last on purpose before our oldest is out seeking to be an adult who runs his own life. We are having typical family moments, and some as expected are troublesome, not feeling so close, while others are quite pleasant. ...Thanks Kelly for laying down some perspective and being generous with it as you share your previous work.
Here's what I got, maybe just beyond your meaning or right on the nose this morning:
1. We not only come from our experiences, but we also come from the litteral experiences of every human before us in our blood line. That's no small feat to have survived all of humanity long enough to bring each of us here.
2. The generosity we have towards each other, and ourselves is the key to enjoying the results of all the "deaths" that bring back new life.
3. My vacation does not have to be perfect. It just has to be present with my family and I just have to love them now so that my memory of love stays with me the days I reflect on it afterwards. I remember when they were born, my first kiss with Emily...lots of beautiful things. I also remember emergency room visits and broken stuff and some fights too. But, the sticky stuff that holds any memories I have is that love I feel. I loved them as I had those experiences, I worried or "joyed" over them in love and those memories stuck with me. The places in my life that are dark, unhappy places are where I was not loving anyone. I was selfish, selfcentered, downtrodden, and feeling alone and unloved as I had no thoughts of love for others.
4. My gratitude today is my love I feel now, wrapped in the warm blanket of love I have felt in the moments I have lived with love in the eb and flow of life.
This is beautiful. #3 in particular really resonates with me--I could feel myself relaxing as I read the first two sentences (as I imagine you may have when you wrote it).
Agreed, number three brought tears to my eyes. It's a transcendent perspective to be able to zoom out, appreciate the whole, and then thus return to this moment with presence instead of an agenda. Beautiful.
Also, it reminds me of how Michael Singer, in "Living Untethered," talks about how cute we are to "personalize" any moment that's in front of us, given how many countless things that had nothing to do with us throughout the history of the cosmos had to happen for this moment to happen. He says it because personalizing it is what disconnects us from just experiencing it for what it is.
May you fully experience the rest of your vacation, JC!
Nov 8, 2023·edited Nov 8, 2023Liked by Kelly Flanagan
Thanks Kelly for making all these readings available. I loved this one on self awareness and do believe you are on to something here. I’m almost finished with my autographed (-: copy of The Unhiding of Elijah Campbell and really enjoying it. I see Elijah’s deaths and resurrections moving him to wholeness as he trusts others with himself. Humility!
Vic, thank you for this. Where were you thirteen months ago when I was trying to figure out how to summarize Elijah's journey? You did a lot better here than I did back then! 😂
Ancestral mathematics. I love it! We can be nothing but humbled in the face of those numbers, can we? And in the midst of that humility comes awe and wonder and the willingness to experience what is openly, rather than resistantly. Such a wonderful reminder. Thank you, Heather!
I am reminded of a quote from my past..”I am all that I have ever been “. I have no idea where this came from only that I heard it as a teen and it still informs me as I near 70.
I am delighted to find you on Substack Kelly. Your words comfort my journey in this present form.
Mmmm, what a blessing to have come across that quote when you were young, and what wisdom to cherish it and let it guide you these many years. I'm delighted you found us, too, Ann. 😊
Oh, Kelly! Your headline alone was one of those wild “OMG, YES! I have always known this but never knew it clearly enough to put the right words to it, so it feels totally new anyway” moments. I’ve really been feeling exhausted lately—and probably for years, honestly—at the constant pressure to improve, and the implication that you’re just not good enough as you are. There’s something so incredibly empowering about the idea that you just need help with a certain issue/project, rather than needing to be “better” somehow (though of course our culture says you should never need help with anything!). I can’t wait to read this chapter!
I've got to get permission first to share it from the friend who inspired it, but once I do, I can't wait to share it, either in a paid post or eventually in the book!
I may riff on the general idea for next week's pep talk episode, just to see what gels for me as I do. ;)
Love it! I will keep an eye out for it!
Coming your way on Wednesday!
Nice. I'm on a proper family vacation this week. First one ever in 19 years of marriage. We have a lot of mixed emotions trying to do this one thing right knowing it may be the only one of its nature in our family dynamic. The stress is a little cumbersome as we try to make family memories to last on purpose before our oldest is out seeking to be an adult who runs his own life. We are having typical family moments, and some as expected are troublesome, not feeling so close, while others are quite pleasant. ...Thanks Kelly for laying down some perspective and being generous with it as you share your previous work.
Here's what I got, maybe just beyond your meaning or right on the nose this morning:
1. We not only come from our experiences, but we also come from the litteral experiences of every human before us in our blood line. That's no small feat to have survived all of humanity long enough to bring each of us here.
2. The generosity we have towards each other, and ourselves is the key to enjoying the results of all the "deaths" that bring back new life.
3. My vacation does not have to be perfect. It just has to be present with my family and I just have to love them now so that my memory of love stays with me the days I reflect on it afterwards. I remember when they were born, my first kiss with Emily...lots of beautiful things. I also remember emergency room visits and broken stuff and some fights too. But, the sticky stuff that holds any memories I have is that love I feel. I loved them as I had those experiences, I worried or "joyed" over them in love and those memories stuck with me. The places in my life that are dark, unhappy places are where I was not loving anyone. I was selfish, selfcentered, downtrodden, and feeling alone and unloved as I had no thoughts of love for others.
4. My gratitude today is my love I feel now, wrapped in the warm blanket of love I have felt in the moments I have lived with love in the eb and flow of life.
Thanks Kelly...I've got a vacation to enjoy.
This is beautiful. #3 in particular really resonates with me--I could feel myself relaxing as I read the first two sentences (as I imagine you may have when you wrote it).
Agreed, number three brought tears to my eyes. It's a transcendent perspective to be able to zoom out, appreciate the whole, and then thus return to this moment with presence instead of an agenda. Beautiful.
Also, it reminds me of how Michael Singer, in "Living Untethered," talks about how cute we are to "personalize" any moment that's in front of us, given how many countless things that had nothing to do with us throughout the history of the cosmos had to happen for this moment to happen. He says it because personalizing it is what disconnects us from just experiencing it for what it is.
May you fully experience the rest of your vacation, JC!
Thanks Kelly for making all these readings available. I loved this one on self awareness and do believe you are on to something here. I’m almost finished with my autographed (-: copy of The Unhiding of Elijah Campbell and really enjoying it. I see Elijah’s deaths and resurrections moving him to wholeness as he trusts others with himself. Humility!
Vic, thank you for this. Where were you thirteen months ago when I was trying to figure out how to summarize Elijah's journey? You did a lot better here than I did back then! 😂
Again, another stellar reflection. To your point: ANCESTRAL MATHEMATICS
IN ORDER TO BE BORN, YOU NEEDED:
2 parents
4 grandparents
8 great-grandparents
16 second great-grandparents
32 third great-grandparents
64 fourth great-grandparents
128 fifth great-grandparents
256 sixth great-grandparents
512 seventh great-grandparents
1,024 eighth great-grandparents
2,048 ninth great-grandparents
For you to be born today from 12 previous generations, you needed a total of 4,094 ancestors over the last 400 years.
Think for a moment...
How many struggles? How many battles?
How many difficulties?
How much sadness?
How much happiness?
How many love stories?
How many expressions of hope for the future?
-did your ancestors have to undergo for you to exist in this present moment...
You've given us more to consider. As one of my previous counselors said: "there's always someplace to go, and it's usually deeper!" Let's keep mining.
Ancestral mathematics. I love it! We can be nothing but humbled in the face of those numbers, can we? And in the midst of that humility comes awe and wonder and the willingness to experience what is openly, rather than resistantly. Such a wonderful reminder. Thank you, Heather!
I am reminded of a quote from my past..”I am all that I have ever been “. I have no idea where this came from only that I heard it as a teen and it still informs me as I near 70.
I am delighted to find you on Substack Kelly. Your words comfort my journey in this present form.
Mmmm, what a blessing to have come across that quote when you were young, and what wisdom to cherish it and let it guide you these many years. I'm delighted you found us, too, Ann. 😊