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Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

I wanted to specifically call out this line: “Trauma isn't actually created by what happened. Trauma is created when we’re unable to feel what is happening when it’s happening.” That is such a powerful distinction. It shifts the focus entirely from the event itself to our internal response. So often, we get caught up in trying to measure and validate trauma based on the external circumstances, but what you’re saying is that it’s really about what happens inside of us. I believe this liberates people who might feel their pain is “not valid” or “not bad enough.” It gives them permission to acknowledge what they felt, regardless of how others might perceive the situation. We tend to dismiss or compare our feelings to others, but to read what you’ve written reminds us all that what matters is how we have experienced the events in our lives and what those experiences have done to our souls.

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Jeannie Ewing's avatar

I'm so sorry your son had to go through this, Kelly, and it is also so good that you were present and available to walk and support him through it.

What you wrote today reminded me of the very first book on trauma I read by Peter Levine, I think. In its opening pages, he wrote about getting hit by a car and how he felt as the paramedics arrived. He said he allowed his body to quiver and quake through the pain and shock, and what really grounded him was this passerby who happened to be a pediatrician, I think. She took his hand in hers, spoke gently to him the entire time. He wrote that this made all the difference in how he internalized what happened to him, especially since the first responders were very formal, some quite gruff. But he never forgot the soothing presence of this doctor who accompanied him in this very critical moment.

That was the basis for his belief that trauma isn't about what happens to us but is about whether or not we internalize and store it in our bodies and minds.

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