This resonates deeply with me and my experience of trauma and healing. Your son’s experience was horrifying - so grateful you could be there to help him make sense out of something that makes no sense. God help us all.
Ironic that we actually have to be strong enough to keep our hearts open in order to be gentle with ourselves and others. Gentleness is strength. Loving with an open, vulnerable heart is strength.
“Quit crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” was a phrase I heard a lot while I was growing up. I still felt some of the pain but not all of it. It wasn't until I got triggered later in life and got curious about why my body reacted the way it did that I began to understand the toxic environment I was trying to grow up in. I'm so thankful to be in a safe space and addressing my traumatic experiences
“Got curious about why my body reacted the way it did.” That’s a powerful question and courageous of you to live out the answer to it, George. More of that in the world, please.
Wow, Kelly. This is one of the most potent issues you have written. There are so many people I want to share this with so they can have deeper understanding of trauma and its causes and effects. Thank you for writing this very personal story. I am certain it will have a healing effect for many.
Incredibly well said, Kelly. A beautifully digestible guide to restoring ourselves from what trauma really is- unexpressed emotions and impulses.
My daughter’s 23 year old boyfriend was saying last night that he freezes when my daughter cries, not knowing what to do. I reminded him how that’s perfect, he doesn’t have to do anything but listen and offer her a hug when it feels right. What a relief to know as supports our only real job is to be a fellow human who gets to love as is.
Oh my goodness, Lynn, it makes me emotional to think of you having that input into the lives of your adult daughter and her boyfriend. How very wonderful that they trust you with those kinds of conversations. ❤️
As you said, the trauma gets stored in our bodies. In addition to talking with a therapist, a friend, and God, I also found somatic exercises to be helpful with releasing the stored pain. Has anyone else tried somatic exercises?
Mary, I’d love to hear more about the somatic exercises that have been most helpful for you. And I echo Mary’s question for everyone else: any experiences with body work around emotional pain and trauma?
I’m so sorry . It’s really hard when we try so hard to protect our kids thinking we can spare them this worlds pain and then have to hold them when the weight of the world hits them with the fullness of its wrath . What a beautiful gift it is though that he has a safe space with you . He may not realize it now but you’re a cycle breaker, his children will not be the child you were! I hope that you took some time to tend to your own soul after this event because it’s not easy to give what wasn’t given to you. I pray the Lord fills that space for you today. Thank you for sharing and spreading truth and love!
Truly, Rhonda, one of the experiences that has helped me open my heart the most is surrendering to how little I can protect my kids from life. I can’t spare them all the pain, but I can be with them in it. Thanks for all your kind words here.
Yikes, how scary. I'm so glad nothing worse happened. These days it does feel like we are all living a double whammy. We have the normal challenges in our own personal lives and we are all witnessing such troubling events on a national level every day.
Thank you, Jen. I too thought of the people who have been in this situation lately but have not been as fortunate. I can’t imagine what it must be like for their loved ones.
I'm so sorry your son had to go through this, Kelly, and it is also so good that you were present and available to walk and support him through it.
What you wrote today reminded me of the very first book on trauma I read by Peter Levine, I think. In its opening pages, he wrote about getting hit by a car and how he felt as the paramedics arrived. He said he allowed his body to quiver and quake through the pain and shock, and what really grounded him was this passerby who happened to be a pediatrician, I think. She took his hand in hers, spoke gently to him the entire time. He wrote that this made all the difference in how he internalized what happened to him, especially since the first responders were very formal, some quite gruff. But he never forgot the soothing presence of this doctor who accompanied him in this very critical moment.
That was the basis for his belief that trauma isn't about what happens to us but is about whether or not we internalize and store it in our bodies and minds.
Jeannie, you have connected me to another wonderful author. Peter Levine is a new name to me, but I see he has a number of books about healing trauma.
The story you shared about the pediatrician made me think of one of the buffering factors against trauma in bullying: having one supportive presence in your life who can advocate for you.
I’m so glad you felt comment-y today, Kathy. 😊 The leading edge of those tears can be hard, but the tail end is such a relief. May you indeed trust the process.
I am so glad I understand this now on an intellectual level, but movement from #4 (not feeling it and ensuring it never happens ever again) to #10 (embracing that vulnerability and having the strength/faith to believe in your own resilience to handle it) is so critically dependent on having that #7. Thank you for sharing this very clear example ... I am so grateful that your son has that safe space with his dad!
This is one of the clearest, most compassionate reframings of trauma I’ve read. Thank you for not turning your son’s experience into a political spectacle—but instead offering it as a human one. The line that got me: “Trauma is not what happened, it’s what we couldn’t feel while it happened.” That’s gospel. May more of us learn to stay with our pain long enough to free it.
Alek, this is what I’m talking about with your writing, I’m pretty sure that’s your line not mine, and it summarizes all my lines perfectly. That is the mark of a great writer.
And thank you for your kind words about the entirety of the post itself. 🙏
❤️🩹
🙏
Kelly, you were MY SAFE SPACE. I miss our talks 🙏✌🏼
You’re an easy guy to be safe for, Randy, I miss them too!
This resonates deeply with me and my experience of trauma and healing. Your son’s experience was horrifying - so grateful you could be there to help him make sense out of something that makes no sense. God help us all.
Robyn, it means a lot to me to hear that from you. I deeply respect you and the way you’ve tended to your healing. 🙏
Kelly, this is so deep and essential to grasp.
“Of course, it's our closed heart which then inevitably passes on the cruelty.
It’s our “at-starkness” in the matter of who we are to ourselves and others.
Thank you 🙏
Ironic that we actually have to be strong enough to keep our hearts open in order to be gentle with ourselves and others. Gentleness is strength. Loving with an open, vulnerable heart is strength.
Yes, exactly, Mary. So beautifully expressed. Thank you!
Right on, James. Every cruelty originated in self-protection.
“Quit crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” was a phrase I heard a lot while I was growing up. I still felt some of the pain but not all of it. It wasn't until I got triggered later in life and got curious about why my body reacted the way it did that I began to understand the toxic environment I was trying to grow up in. I'm so thankful to be in a safe space and addressing my traumatic experiences
“Got curious about why my body reacted the way it did.” That’s a powerful question and courageous of you to live out the answer to it, George. More of that in the world, please.
Wow, Kelly. This is one of the most potent issues you have written. There are so many people I want to share this with so they can have deeper understanding of trauma and its causes and effects. Thank you for writing this very personal story. I am certain it will have a healing effect for many.
Agreed. This post was very direct, very accessible, and very important.
Thank you, Ken and Mary. I hope those you share it with find it as helpful as you have!
Incredibly well said, Kelly. A beautifully digestible guide to restoring ourselves from what trauma really is- unexpressed emotions and impulses.
My daughter’s 23 year old boyfriend was saying last night that he freezes when my daughter cries, not knowing what to do. I reminded him how that’s perfect, he doesn’t have to do anything but listen and offer her a hug when it feels right. What a relief to know as supports our only real job is to be a fellow human who gets to love as is.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Kelly.
Oh my goodness, Lynn, it makes me emotional to think of you having that input into the lives of your adult daughter and her boyfriend. How very wonderful that they trust you with those kinds of conversations. ❤️
Thanks Kelly. I’m truly honored to have the privilege of their trust. :)
This was such a clear, helpful post in explaining trauma. Thank you, Kelly!
(Also, I’m so sorry that happened to your son. How awful.)
Thanks for your kind words about the event and the post, Erin. 😊
As you said, the trauma gets stored in our bodies. In addition to talking with a therapist, a friend, and God, I also found somatic exercises to be helpful with releasing the stored pain. Has anyone else tried somatic exercises?
Mary, I’d love to hear more about the somatic exercises that have been most helpful for you. And I echo Mary’s question for everyone else: any experiences with body work around emotional pain and trauma?
I’m so sorry . It’s really hard when we try so hard to protect our kids thinking we can spare them this worlds pain and then have to hold them when the weight of the world hits them with the fullness of its wrath . What a beautiful gift it is though that he has a safe space with you . He may not realize it now but you’re a cycle breaker, his children will not be the child you were! I hope that you took some time to tend to your own soul after this event because it’s not easy to give what wasn’t given to you. I pray the Lord fills that space for you today. Thank you for sharing and spreading truth and love!
Truly, Rhonda, one of the experiences that has helped me open my heart the most is surrendering to how little I can protect my kids from life. I can’t spare them all the pain, but I can be with them in it. Thanks for all your kind words here.
Yikes, how scary. I'm so glad nothing worse happened. These days it does feel like we are all living a double whammy. We have the normal challenges in our own personal lives and we are all witnessing such troubling events on a national level every day.
Thank you, Jen. I too thought of the people who have been in this situation lately but have not been as fortunate. I can’t imagine what it must be like for their loved ones.
I'm so sorry your son had to go through this, Kelly, and it is also so good that you were present and available to walk and support him through it.
What you wrote today reminded me of the very first book on trauma I read by Peter Levine, I think. In its opening pages, he wrote about getting hit by a car and how he felt as the paramedics arrived. He said he allowed his body to quiver and quake through the pain and shock, and what really grounded him was this passerby who happened to be a pediatrician, I think. She took his hand in hers, spoke gently to him the entire time. He wrote that this made all the difference in how he internalized what happened to him, especially since the first responders were very formal, some quite gruff. But he never forgot the soothing presence of this doctor who accompanied him in this very critical moment.
That was the basis for his belief that trauma isn't about what happens to us but is about whether or not we internalize and store it in our bodies and minds.
Jeannie, you have connected me to another wonderful author. Peter Levine is a new name to me, but I see he has a number of books about healing trauma.
The story you shared about the pediatrician made me think of one of the buffering factors against trauma in bullying: having one supportive presence in your life who can advocate for you.
One. safe. space.
I’m so glad to hear this, Kelly. It is a powerful book.
Your explanation of trauma hit home... I need to let the tears flow. Trust the process.
I guess I'm feeling commenty today! Thanks for sending messages when I need them most.
I’m so glad you felt comment-y today, Kathy. 😊 The leading edge of those tears can be hard, but the tail end is such a relief. May you indeed trust the process.
I am so glad I understand this now on an intellectual level, but movement from #4 (not feeling it and ensuring it never happens ever again) to #10 (embracing that vulnerability and having the strength/faith to believe in your own resilience to handle it) is so critically dependent on having that #7. Thank you for sharing this very clear example ... I am so grateful that your son has that safe space with his dad!
Yes, it is, Pat. I don’t know anyone who has been able to do it without #7. Thank you for highlighting that!
Wow, I've never heard trauma and healing described quite like this. I'ts a great way for us to truly understand the process of trauma. Thank you!
I’m glad this feels clear and helpful to you, Susan. Thanks for letting me know that. 🙏
This is one of the clearest, most compassionate reframings of trauma I’ve read. Thank you for not turning your son’s experience into a political spectacle—but instead offering it as a human one. The line that got me: “Trauma is not what happened, it’s what we couldn’t feel while it happened.” That’s gospel. May more of us learn to stay with our pain long enough to free it.
—Virgin Monk Boy
Alek, this is what I’m talking about with your writing, I’m pretty sure that’s your line not mine, and it summarizes all my lines perfectly. That is the mark of a great writer.
And thank you for your kind words about the entirety of the post itself. 🙏