Confession: I still hide behind being helpful. There’s still a sliver of shame in me that says if I can’t help you I’m no good to you. The sliver says I shouldn’t write posts like this one, intended only to thank you, dear reader, for being a big, beautiful place of belonging for me in the world.
As always, your writing and thoughts resonate. I’ve felt it from the moment I started reading Loveable and you keep confirming it. I’m grateful for your voice and wisdom and friendship.
I have just found you and am delighted and amazed at your writing. Thank you for your capacity to bring to awareness the human need for people to find their tribe.
I so identified with your opening line about being helpful and the shame associated when I am not. Or even when I am “ too “ helpful, of which I have been accused on many occasions.
I also want to thank you for responding to a comment I made many years ago in response to a post you wrote about marriage. I don’t remember all of the details, but I was struggling at the time. Your words were a balm, very soothing at the time.
Know that you have been helpful to me with your writing and I thank you!!!
Margaret, I think a lot of us can relate to the search for that unfindable sweet spot in how much we show up in the world. And it is really meaningful to me to hear that a comment of mine was encouraging. Thank you for letting me know!
I have been following you for a few years now and your posts always seem to come at just the right time for me. I have read two of your books as well and loved them. Please continue to “do what you do “! You make the world a better place!
Debbie, it's great to hear from you, and I'm in awe of the synchronicity between writer and reader sometimes. What a blessing to be in that connection with you!
Of course, a book for a comment would always be welcome.
Also, I would like to say your sharing on belonging and "my people" gives words to why I enjoy my life so much. Along with my relationship with the Lord, my relationships I have with my brothers in ministry gives me joy. I realize they are my people.
Nov 29, 2023·edited Nov 29, 2023Liked by Kelly Flanagan
Like fine wine, your words, Dr. Kelly, get deeper, richer, and more delicious every day! From the beginning of Untangled, i’ve been following your career in writing, and if I didn’t have the sisterly love that I have for you, I’d be a very jealous person! Bravo for being brave enough to put yourself out there! Keep on keepin on! ❤️
Ha! It's so great to hear from you, Deb. You were one of the main contributors to the Loveable podcast conversations. So hard to imagine those without you!
Hard to believe its been over a decade that we have been connected via these pages. So grateful, as always for your words and friendship. You are a blessing and I feel blessed to be part of your "people"
Thanksgiving was great again this year. My cousin invited us out to his home a second time now. This could be the beginning of a new tradition for us new adults in the family. It's just family I've known my whole life but only see or talk to on holidays usually. Still, we do belong together and we feel it. As adults, sharing our families with each other as the kids all wonder why these strangers are supposed to be important to them. It really is a wonderful thing to belong. The best part is how we all share stories of failures, pains, and challenges more than anything else. We put the "worst" of ourselves and our experiences in front of each other and laugh and commiserate and just love each other anyway. It's the best.
Awww the comments on here from your readers. Love it. Thanks for your writing. It's been a while for me, because of so many responsibilities and trying to move forward with things, and get things done, and oh....a tribe would be nice indeed. Have a lovely week Dr. Kelly!
I couldn't have articulated it at the time, but seeing this song come to life while watching the Fab Four's new movie, Yellow Submarine, at the age of 8, gave rise to a sadness in me... a somber realization that we are all alone. This was not a difficult feeling, or a feeing that I wanted to go away. It was simply an awareness that this is the nature of life. I think it also gave rise to a spark of compassion and care for the truly lonely - a.k.a., people - as well as the importance of belonging and connecting. Thank you, Kelly, for continuing to explore and clarify what it means to belong, connect, and embrace my loneliness.
Thank you again, Kelly, for your wonderful writing! It really made a lot of sense to me about looking for those with whom to belong. I'd not thought of it that way, but it makes a lot of sense to me, now that you said it. I know we all want that. And your sentences about becoming human only with the help of others is so true. I'm so grateful for having found your words again. I know I've said it before, but it's true! Thank you! And I loved your book, Loveable. It helped me so much at the time I read it. Blessings to you!
I thought more about your comment about how we need others to become more human, and at first I thought only of how others can help us, bring comfort to us when we need it, give us a helping hand, etc. And that is true, but upon further reflection, I also thought of how when others rub us the wrong way, or get under our skin, they also help us to become more human, sometimes despite ourselves, and by challenging us to grow more in patience, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding. So, some people can help us to become more supportive and be supported by them, others help us to grow and become more human, even when we might not want to! That is also part of becoming more of who we are meant to be, whether we like it or not! Blessings!
My horizons are definitely coming closer! As I age, I am relieved to be entering the time in life when I can be happy in the moment, especially when I am gathered with my people!
I have known for decades that my "Life Mission" was Healer, Teacher, Advocate, Witness. And I have a Passion for medicine and my manual therapy, and a thirst for Justice (Enneagram Pt 1). From your proffered perspective, all these above aspects have me belonging to the tribes that value and support and mentor me in these missions, and I them. Belonging for trues. "I meet no one but me." -Rev Ike.
I'm beyond grateful for you finding your lightening rod!
And thank you for being a lightning bolt, Mike!
Thank YOU, Kelly. I am a mostly silent reader. Thank you for continuing to share, even when you don’t hear a response. I am still reading.
Mary, it always makes me happy to hear from a silent reader, thank you for letting me know you're out there. 😊
As always, your writing and thoughts resonate. I’ve felt it from the moment I started reading Loveable and you keep confirming it. I’m grateful for your voice and wisdom and friendship.
I'm blessed by your presence every time I'm around you, Sheri.
I have just found you and am delighted and amazed at your writing. Thank you for your capacity to bring to awareness the human need for people to find their tribe.
So glad you found us, Rob, welcome to Humaning!
Thank you Kelly for providing Humaning, it is sorely needed in our world.
Dear Kelly,
Thank you for the many years of your writing.
I so identified with your opening line about being helpful and the shame associated when I am not. Or even when I am “ too “ helpful, of which I have been accused on many occasions.
I also want to thank you for responding to a comment I made many years ago in response to a post you wrote about marriage. I don’t remember all of the details, but I was struggling at the time. Your words were a balm, very soothing at the time.
Know that you have been helpful to me with your writing and I thank you!!!
Margaret, I think a lot of us can relate to the search for that unfindable sweet spot in how much we show up in the world. And it is really meaningful to me to hear that a comment of mine was encouraging. Thank you for letting me know!
Dear Kelly,
I also wanted to let you know that I read your Marriage Manifesto several years ago and it was such a wonderful perspective about marriage. Thank you!
I have been following you for a few years now and your posts always seem to come at just the right time for me. I have read two of your books as well and loved them. Please continue to “do what you do “! You make the world a better place!
Debbie, it's great to hear from you, and I'm in awe of the synchronicity between writer and reader sometimes. What a blessing to be in that connection with you!
Kelly,
Of course, a book for a comment would always be welcome.
Also, I would like to say your sharing on belonging and "my people" gives words to why I enjoy my life so much. Along with my relationship with the Lord, my relationships I have with my brothers in ministry gives me joy. I realize they are my people.
Grace and Peace
Thanks for spending some of your belonging here too, Mike!
Like fine wine, your words, Dr. Kelly, get deeper, richer, and more delicious every day! From the beginning of Untangled, i’ve been following your career in writing, and if I didn’t have the sisterly love that I have for you, I’d be a very jealous person! Bravo for being brave enough to put yourself out there! Keep on keepin on! ❤️
Ha! It's so great to hear from you, Deb. You were one of the main contributors to the Loveable podcast conversations. So hard to imagine those without you!
Great article! Very thought provoking. And I think the perspective of the true desire to belong explains so much about people and humanity.
Thanks for that affirmation, Nicole!
Hard to believe its been over a decade that we have been connected via these pages. So grateful, as always for your words and friendship. You are a blessing and I feel blessed to be part of your "people"
Right??? So glad we finally got to meet in person this year. The next time can't come soon enough!
Thanksgiving was great again this year. My cousin invited us out to his home a second time now. This could be the beginning of a new tradition for us new adults in the family. It's just family I've known my whole life but only see or talk to on holidays usually. Still, we do belong together and we feel it. As adults, sharing our families with each other as the kids all wonder why these strangers are supposed to be important to them. It really is a wonderful thing to belong. The best part is how we all share stories of failures, pains, and challenges more than anything else. We put the "worst" of ourselves and our experiences in front of each other and laugh and commiserate and just love each other anyway. It's the best.
What a beautiful illustration of belonging, JC, you certainly deserve to have the blessing of it in you life!
Awww the comments on here from your readers. Love it. Thanks for your writing. It's been a while for me, because of so many responsibilities and trying to move forward with things, and get things done, and oh....a tribe would be nice indeed. Have a lovely week Dr. Kelly!
These comments really are wonderful, I'm so touched by this community. Glad you could drop in in the midst of your busyness!
Ah, look at all the lonely people
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
I couldn't have articulated it at the time, but seeing this song come to life while watching the Fab Four's new movie, Yellow Submarine, at the age of 8, gave rise to a sadness in me... a somber realization that we are all alone. This was not a difficult feeling, or a feeing that I wanted to go away. It was simply an awareness that this is the nature of life. I think it also gave rise to a spark of compassion and care for the truly lonely - a.k.a., people - as well as the importance of belonging and connecting. Thank you, Kelly, for continuing to explore and clarify what it means to belong, connect, and embrace my loneliness.
Mmm. Thank you for sharing that story, Carlos. I'd like to hear it in person at Coffee Crush sometimes. 😊
We need to make that happen!
Thank you again, Kelly, for your wonderful writing! It really made a lot of sense to me about looking for those with whom to belong. I'd not thought of it that way, but it makes a lot of sense to me, now that you said it. I know we all want that. And your sentences about becoming human only with the help of others is so true. I'm so grateful for having found your words again. I know I've said it before, but it's true! Thank you! And I loved your book, Loveable. It helped me so much at the time I read it. Blessings to you!
Jenny, I'm glad we've connected through these writings again, too. That quote of Buechner's is one of my absolute favorites!
I thought more about your comment about how we need others to become more human, and at first I thought only of how others can help us, bring comfort to us when we need it, give us a helping hand, etc. And that is true, but upon further reflection, I also thought of how when others rub us the wrong way, or get under our skin, they also help us to become more human, sometimes despite ourselves, and by challenging us to grow more in patience, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding. So, some people can help us to become more supportive and be supported by them, others help us to grow and become more human, even when we might not want to! That is also part of becoming more of who we are meant to be, whether we like it or not! Blessings!
That is a GORGEOUS reflection, Jenny, thank you for taking the time to share it here!
My horizons are definitely coming closer! As I age, I am relieved to be entering the time in life when I can be happy in the moment, especially when I am gathered with my people!
Such a great validation of the post, Brenda, thank you for sharing that!
I have known for decades that my "Life Mission" was Healer, Teacher, Advocate, Witness. And I have a Passion for medicine and my manual therapy, and a thirst for Justice (Enneagram Pt 1). From your proffered perspective, all these above aspects have me belonging to the tribes that value and support and mentor me in these missions, and I them. Belonging for trues. "I meet no one but me." -Rev Ike.
Whoa, what an amazing quote, "I meet no one but me." You've always got a gem tucked up your sleeve, Heather!