Holy cow. So good. Let me please be a person that has such a deep and wide well within me that I can hold the truth of both needs taking up space and admit in surrender that neither may ever be quenched.
I used to live in denial as a coping mechanism because I didn't have the language for all the emotions I was feeling. I realized my journey has a spiritual dimension and I didn't and couldn't make sense of my life with my limited understanding. I needed a perspective greater than my own. Truth is a power greater than my own. I needed the courage to surrender to this power so healing could begin. The reward for that is a peace that passes understanding.
I admire you for the personal work you are doing, George. It can be startling at first to realize how much we have denied in ourselves. Continued blessings to you in your brave journey. 🙏🏻
Yes, and…it is ok, it is human, not to be able to live in an emotional state of peace all of the time. We fall back or are pulled back, into indifference, anger, anxiety, sadness…but with practice, we can learn to recognize those emotions, observe them, allow them to be, but not allow them to consume us and control us…we can return to peace, and the more we practice the easier it will become.
Mary, thank you for this essential addition. Absolutely, if we try to cling to the peace we've experienced, it will be just another form of spiritual bypassing. May we cling to none if it, and discover that is its own kind of peace.
Anxiety brings a restlessness in me that prevents peace. It can take over with both desirable and undesirable circumstances. Like a dog chewing on a bone, or my tongue repeatedly exploring a sore tooth, anxiety has a relentlessness to it that keeps itself running. Until. Until I notice it, acknowledge it, calm it down, tell it it can stop and rest. Remind it of the river of life that flows and keeps all things moving along. Assure it it can let go and relax and nothing bad will happen. Have the courage to see it through to the other side where there is peace and rest.
Thank you for sharing the way you walk yourself through those anxious moments, Brenda, I trust it will serve others who are reading through these comments!
Lately, when I get anxious, I ask myself, "What is the sadness that this anxiety is hoping not to feel?" Sometimes that is enough to dispel the fear, other times I just let myself feel the sadness, and then I find myself beyond the fear.
It is difficult to feel and be sad in a world where happiness is considered the better way to be. I have lived with a restlessness for a long while now, which I have come to see is background anxiety. Keeping busy to “manage” the restlessness has become a habit and way of life. But in this busyness I neither feel sad nor happy. Recently I have come to experience that when I stop the busyness and just be in my body, that there is a lot to feel. SO much to feel. I long to spend more time with my true self and feelings but constantly feel the busyness and restlessness waiting around the edges, almost as if to pull me back into the detached and anxious state they offer. It’s like an addiction. But I’d rather live in the river of sadness and peace if I can overcome that addiction.
Marlena, this is quite profound, and for what it's worth, I hear a lot of growth happening in simply being aware of tension you experience between your feelings and your busyness. You are growing and learning simply by holding space for all of that, becoming an even stronger container for those feelings to pass through.
I live in deep sadness right now, having lost my daughter this past April. Initially I had to learn how to surf the ferocious and unpredictable grief waves that kept showing up. Now, I live with. move with, the depth of her loss...and I also live with and move with the aliveness of her memories. It's strange how such a loss can dispel anger and fear that become so familiar in life. Anger and fear become meaningless when facing into an absent space. Perhaps it's because we live as a three generation household and we are all grieving and extending grace to each other. This grief has taught me to pivot on many levels and grace has truly shown up in new ways. Open-heartedness asks us to surf the waves of emotion, thankfully surfing can become a life long skill.
Cynthia, I am struck by your post this morning and can only imagine your loss. I hurt for you. You have been living the reality so many of us fear, and I thank you for reminding me of what perspective looks like. "Anger and fear become meaningless when facing into an absent space." THAT is a perspective only gained through experience and a heart that is open to staying open. I pray that you continue to learn to surf...you're teaching others about those waves along the way. Thank you.
Cynthia, I am so touched with your sharing and how you are navigating such a huge loss. Without a doubt she is surfing with you just beyond the veil in awe of the incredible love you are showing and sharing with your family (and us). Thank you for your beautiful heart. ❤️
Cynthia, my wife has made me aware of a Portuguese word, "saudade." It has no translation but means, loosely, the presence of absence. It is a marriage of sorrow and peace, one not having to disappear to make space for the other, but somehow both strengthened by each other. She shared the word with me when our oldest son left home. I can't imagine how much more consuming the feeling would be to lose him from this life altogether. I pray the grace will continue to accumulate for you and your family.
Wow! This is beautiful. I felt the words deep in my soul, an invitation to lean in and open my heart; an uncomfortable path to healing. This read like an old fable that I want to read again and again; each time realizing I am in a different season and experience on a feeling journey. Thank you so much for writing this.
In response to your question, it evoked an ache of sorrow and peace that I have been struggling to hold simultaneously. This season is beautiful, busy, and brimming with hope. This season is also one where I feel the tears at the back of my eyes and the lump in my throat. I miss my mom. She always seemed to make the holidays magical. I find myself looking for her in moments, in traditions, in the time spent with family. I hear her saying, “isn’t it nice just to all be together.” Sometimes I want to say out loud, “but we’re not all together, you’re not here“ and it’s in those moments of sadness, I look up and realize that she’s actually everywhere in the legacy of love she left. It’s both.
"It's both." Lindsey, you are experiencing some of the same "both-ness" as Cynthia shared above. I mentioned to her the Portuguese word "saudade." It has no translation, but you might look it up and discover that it captures the totality of your simultaneous anguish and tenderness, your mother's absence and presence. The Portuguese don't consider the complexity of this feeling something to avoid or to resolve, but rather the essence of life and something to be savored. Blessings upon your holiday season, including both your mother's presence and absence in it.
Thank you, Kelly. Yes...After spending nearly a lifetime "managing" sadness - and by manage I mean repelling, avoiding, taking a quick u-turn, etc. - choosing to sit in sorrow, to experience the weight of my downcast soul is the most human choice I can make. Through the twinkling lights, Christmas carols and festivities of the season, I remember that the Prince of Peace is a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. "...the quickest way to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west chasing after it, but to head east into the darkness until you finally reach the sunrise." - Gerald Sittser.
Thank you, Carlos, for who you are and your courage to live your life the way you do. Also, thanks for this quote from Gerald Sittser. It's important to something I'm working on and not one I was familiar with. The description of Jesus from Isaiah, however, is one I've already included in next week's post. 😊
As many others have shared this is so timely this morning. The collection of feelings I have from the extended Thanksgiving weekend is being processed slowly. It dawned on me that some of what happens is I AM comfortable getting below the anger and the fear to deep sadness. Even to acceptance and compassion in short bursts for everyone involved. And then along the way, I realize I’m the one feeling these things, sometimes for everyone. They can seem unburdened, in denial, uncaring or oblivious..which re-pushes my button for wanting to connect all over again. So, I cover up those feelings and it goes back to trying to stop a river of anger. Or fear that if I don’t fit in with the collective defenses, I will not belong either. I so appreciate this space with the wisdom of your words as the floatation device, to just FEEL.
Marilyn, I'm a bit in awe of the inner work you're describing here. First, your willingness to open your heart far enough to have bursts of compassion for people who can be painful. Then, your ability to watch your heart close when you become aware you're the only one who is suffering on anyone's behalf. Finally, staying with it enough to begin to feel at the bottom of it all the pain of not belonging. Who knows where you will end up in this journey, but where you end up won't matter nearly as much as who you end up. You're being transformed by it.
So it’s said that we are made of stardust and radiant loving light. I believe that and it’s many brilliant forms.
As Father Greg’s new book points too, Cherished Belonging. Healing, in its natural process takes us through many iterations of ourselves to love. Fall down…get up…fall down…get up. How freeing to be the object of our own attention without judging it.
I love that allowing an open heart means we feel all of it. A place of belonging, what we space were in and how it shows up.
Thank you for being in this space, Nancy, with your tenderness and care. And thank you SO much for letting me know that book was out. I'm making my way through it slowly, not wanting it to end. I highly recommend it to anyone reading these comments. Here's the link! https://a.co/d/6TbDlpQ
I appreciate that awareness, Joan. Now you don't have to fear your anxiety, at least, or be critical of yourself for it. You can simply know that it is your way of negotiating with your sadness. Dancing around it until you are ready to dance with it. The peace comes when you've danced with it enough to start letting it lead.
Reminds me of the episode of "Avatar, The Last Airbender" that I watched last night. He had to go through the chachras of energy in his body and mind to clear them of emotional blockage. It runs along a similar vein of thinking about accepting things and letting go, etc.
(Episode 19 in Book 2: Earth if you want to see it on Netflix) Best show ever...it's fun, has so many great morals and wisdom for life too.
I've heard great things about that show but didn't realize it explored things in such depth, thank you for drawing the parallel and for making the recommendation, JC!
Holy cow. So good. Let me please be a person that has such a deep and wide well within me that I can hold the truth of both needs taking up space and admit in surrender that neither may ever be quenched.
Well said. May we become aware enough to hold it all without holding on to any of it. Thanks for this good word, Kathie.
I used to live in denial as a coping mechanism because I didn't have the language for all the emotions I was feeling. I realized my journey has a spiritual dimension and I didn't and couldn't make sense of my life with my limited understanding. I needed a perspective greater than my own. Truth is a power greater than my own. I needed the courage to surrender to this power so healing could begin. The reward for that is a peace that passes understanding.
I admire you for the personal work you are doing, George. It can be startling at first to realize how much we have denied in ourselves. Continued blessings to you in your brave journey. 🙏🏻
Oh my goodness!!! This is an incredibly deep and beautiful share. I will be diving in to dissect and reflect on this message. Thank you!!!
I'm glad it resonates, Nicole, and you're welcome!
It’s as if this was dropped in my path by the universe. Exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you.
Me too Jennifer! Ask and we shall receive. May it bless you.
I love the synchronicity of this kind of thing, and I'm glad it arrived at just the right time for you, Jennifer and Nancy!
Yes, and…it is ok, it is human, not to be able to live in an emotional state of peace all of the time. We fall back or are pulled back, into indifference, anger, anxiety, sadness…but with practice, we can learn to recognize those emotions, observe them, allow them to be, but not allow them to consume us and control us…we can return to peace, and the more we practice the easier it will become.
Mary, thank you for this essential addition. Absolutely, if we try to cling to the peace we've experienced, it will be just another form of spiritual bypassing. May we cling to none if it, and discover that is its own kind of peace.
Anxiety brings a restlessness in me that prevents peace. It can take over with both desirable and undesirable circumstances. Like a dog chewing on a bone, or my tongue repeatedly exploring a sore tooth, anxiety has a relentlessness to it that keeps itself running. Until. Until I notice it, acknowledge it, calm it down, tell it it can stop and rest. Remind it of the river of life that flows and keeps all things moving along. Assure it it can let go and relax and nothing bad will happen. Have the courage to see it through to the other side where there is peace and rest.
Thank you for sharing the way you walk yourself through those anxious moments, Brenda, I trust it will serve others who are reading through these comments!
Lately, when I get anxious, I ask myself, "What is the sadness that this anxiety is hoping not to feel?" Sometimes that is enough to dispel the fear, other times I just let myself feel the sadness, and then I find myself beyond the fear.
It is difficult to feel and be sad in a world where happiness is considered the better way to be. I have lived with a restlessness for a long while now, which I have come to see is background anxiety. Keeping busy to “manage” the restlessness has become a habit and way of life. But in this busyness I neither feel sad nor happy. Recently I have come to experience that when I stop the busyness and just be in my body, that there is a lot to feel. SO much to feel. I long to spend more time with my true self and feelings but constantly feel the busyness and restlessness waiting around the edges, almost as if to pull me back into the detached and anxious state they offer. It’s like an addiction. But I’d rather live in the river of sadness and peace if I can overcome that addiction.
Marlena, this is quite profound, and for what it's worth, I hear a lot of growth happening in simply being aware of tension you experience between your feelings and your busyness. You are growing and learning simply by holding space for all of that, becoming an even stronger container for those feelings to pass through.
I live in deep sadness right now, having lost my daughter this past April. Initially I had to learn how to surf the ferocious and unpredictable grief waves that kept showing up. Now, I live with. move with, the depth of her loss...and I also live with and move with the aliveness of her memories. It's strange how such a loss can dispel anger and fear that become so familiar in life. Anger and fear become meaningless when facing into an absent space. Perhaps it's because we live as a three generation household and we are all grieving and extending grace to each other. This grief has taught me to pivot on many levels and grace has truly shown up in new ways. Open-heartedness asks us to surf the waves of emotion, thankfully surfing can become a life long skill.
Cynthia, I am struck by your post this morning and can only imagine your loss. I hurt for you. You have been living the reality so many of us fear, and I thank you for reminding me of what perspective looks like. "Anger and fear become meaningless when facing into an absent space." THAT is a perspective only gained through experience and a heart that is open to staying open. I pray that you continue to learn to surf...you're teaching others about those waves along the way. Thank you.
Cynthia, I am so touched with your sharing and how you are navigating such a huge loss. Without a doubt she is surfing with you just beyond the veil in awe of the incredible love you are showing and sharing with your family (and us). Thank you for your beautiful heart. ❤️
Cynthia, my wife has made me aware of a Portuguese word, "saudade." It has no translation but means, loosely, the presence of absence. It is a marriage of sorrow and peace, one not having to disappear to make space for the other, but somehow both strengthened by each other. She shared the word with me when our oldest son left home. I can't imagine how much more consuming the feeling would be to lose him from this life altogether. I pray the grace will continue to accumulate for you and your family.
Wow! This is beautiful. I felt the words deep in my soul, an invitation to lean in and open my heart; an uncomfortable path to healing. This read like an old fable that I want to read again and again; each time realizing I am in a different season and experience on a feeling journey. Thank you so much for writing this.
In response to your question, it evoked an ache of sorrow and peace that I have been struggling to hold simultaneously. This season is beautiful, busy, and brimming with hope. This season is also one where I feel the tears at the back of my eyes and the lump in my throat. I miss my mom. She always seemed to make the holidays magical. I find myself looking for her in moments, in traditions, in the time spent with family. I hear her saying, “isn’t it nice just to all be together.” Sometimes I want to say out loud, “but we’re not all together, you’re not here“ and it’s in those moments of sadness, I look up and realize that she’s actually everywhere in the legacy of love she left. It’s both.
"It's both." Lindsey, you are experiencing some of the same "both-ness" as Cynthia shared above. I mentioned to her the Portuguese word "saudade." It has no translation, but you might look it up and discover that it captures the totality of your simultaneous anguish and tenderness, your mother's absence and presence. The Portuguese don't consider the complexity of this feeling something to avoid or to resolve, but rather the essence of life and something to be savored. Blessings upon your holiday season, including both your mother's presence and absence in it.
This is beautiful. What a wonderful offering. ❤️
Thank you for saying so, Priscilla. 🙏🏻
Thank you, Kelly. Yes...After spending nearly a lifetime "managing" sadness - and by manage I mean repelling, avoiding, taking a quick u-turn, etc. - choosing to sit in sorrow, to experience the weight of my downcast soul is the most human choice I can make. Through the twinkling lights, Christmas carols and festivities of the season, I remember that the Prince of Peace is a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. "...the quickest way to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west chasing after it, but to head east into the darkness until you finally reach the sunrise." - Gerald Sittser.
Thank you, Carlos, for who you are and your courage to live your life the way you do. Also, thanks for this quote from Gerald Sittser. It's important to something I'm working on and not one I was familiar with. The description of Jesus from Isaiah, however, is one I've already included in next week's post. 😊
Excellent article and this parable makes the point clearly and relevantly. So useful and thought provoking , thank you 💗
You're welcome, Susan, and thank you! 🙏🏻
As many others have shared this is so timely this morning. The collection of feelings I have from the extended Thanksgiving weekend is being processed slowly. It dawned on me that some of what happens is I AM comfortable getting below the anger and the fear to deep sadness. Even to acceptance and compassion in short bursts for everyone involved. And then along the way, I realize I’m the one feeling these things, sometimes for everyone. They can seem unburdened, in denial, uncaring or oblivious..which re-pushes my button for wanting to connect all over again. So, I cover up those feelings and it goes back to trying to stop a river of anger. Or fear that if I don’t fit in with the collective defenses, I will not belong either. I so appreciate this space with the wisdom of your words as the floatation device, to just FEEL.
Marilyn, I'm a bit in awe of the inner work you're describing here. First, your willingness to open your heart far enough to have bursts of compassion for people who can be painful. Then, your ability to watch your heart close when you become aware you're the only one who is suffering on anyone's behalf. Finally, staying with it enough to begin to feel at the bottom of it all the pain of not belonging. Who knows where you will end up in this journey, but where you end up won't matter nearly as much as who you end up. You're being transformed by it.
Wow Kelly…I need the validation that I AM being transformed. Because it can feel endless and you’re reminding me that there
actually is a ‘destination’. The person that I want to be. I forgot how much that matters. I can’t thank you enough.
Marilyn, there is at least a direction, and hopefully a destination! 😊
So it’s said that we are made of stardust and radiant loving light. I believe that and it’s many brilliant forms.
As Father Greg’s new book points too, Cherished Belonging. Healing, in its natural process takes us through many iterations of ourselves to love. Fall down…get up…fall down…get up. How freeing to be the object of our own attention without judging it.
I love that allowing an open heart means we feel all of it. A place of belonging, what we space were in and how it shows up.
Thank you for being in this space, Nancy, with your tenderness and care. And thank you SO much for letting me know that book was out. I'm making my way through it slowly, not wanting it to end. I highly recommend it to anyone reading these comments. Here's the link! https://a.co/d/6TbDlpQ
I feel anxious about this. I think I am experiencing sadness well, but I also don’t have peace yet.
I appreciate that awareness, Joan. Now you don't have to fear your anxiety, at least, or be critical of yourself for it. You can simply know that it is your way of negotiating with your sadness. Dancing around it until you are ready to dance with it. The peace comes when you've danced with it enough to start letting it lead.
Reminds me of the episode of "Avatar, The Last Airbender" that I watched last night. He had to go through the chachras of energy in his body and mind to clear them of emotional blockage. It runs along a similar vein of thinking about accepting things and letting go, etc.
(Episode 19 in Book 2: Earth if you want to see it on Netflix) Best show ever...it's fun, has so many great morals and wisdom for life too.
I've heard great things about that show but didn't realize it explored things in such depth, thank you for drawing the parallel and for making the recommendation, JC!