One of the reasons home movies have been a hit since their inception is the passage of time turns yesterday’s chaos into today’s comedy. What if we could trust that thoroughly enough to turn today’s chaos into today’s comedy?
Why is it so hard to laugh in the moment in the midst of chaos? It’s just a reframing, like you said. A much healthier, more mindful, and joyful way to be in the world. It’s so hard to do when you are in the trenches with little children. Our two girls are now young adults, and one of our favorite things to do is watching movies, too. Our favorites, of course, are the ones of them really throwing down. I wish I could’ve laughed in those moments when they were happening.
I'm mostly convinced it has to do with our nervous systems. It's hard to laugh when we're stressfully aroused, which kids have a way of doing to us. Later, when we're calm and watching it, we can laugh because there's more room in us for it, without all the arousal. Blessings upon your holiday, Katie!
No hacks, just purposeful thinking. I have been disappointed in more Christmas's as an adult than I care to mention. As a child, it was the purest time of my year. Out of school the days seems to last forever. Wishing only for snow and sledding opportunities and spending what seemed like hours just admiring the Christmas tree and the wonder of the holiday as my mother convinced us to take it in (most likely trying to catch a break from the ruckus). As I became the responsible one I went all out to make it pleasant and ensure Santa was generous and kind. I dug in to "BE" thoughtful and I pushed to try to "FEEL" the reason for the season as I did my best to work and live the daily life adults have to live until given that momentary paid leave we saved up over the year. I felt so obligated to soak in what I could before it was gone and all I got was burnt out. Toss in Black Friday, shipping issues, and moments of ungrateful children and a stressed spouse...boom, Christmas was for someone else's joy, not mine. I've tried to get it done earlier, let it go and just simplify, be silly and just have fun....all those experiments did not fly with me hoping to have and feel some semblance of what I felt as a child. But then after some failures, I have found some mental solutions that help to tidy up the reality of now and how I do it.
1. Recreating, reliving, or otherwise trying to put what was my childhood into my own children's experience is not how they live or will remember their own experience. I had mine, I have what I cherish and what I regret to make me my own person and I am worth being that special that nobody else gets to have what I had. I actually still have those feelings and memories to cherish and use as "fuel" for the moments I take now to reflect on them. I can be happy now because of happiness I felt then.
2. Spreading my joy and my love of what was and my hope for what will be is not a mission to alter the outcomes of other people's lived experiences. It is just me, opening myself to others to expand my own happiness in conjunction with theirs. If we can copaceticly allow for weakness and pain to be part of the mix as we interact with each other and honor the loveableness of each other as we do so, it isn't too hard to make a new memory of something with high value in the mental space we give to that moment.
3. Difficult people and anyone who is not in the grove with us deserve to have peace and feel love. It's not my responsibility to judge their worth or their hearts based on a moment in time that I have with them. I have to judge for myself, about my own actions and reactions in moments and stay true to what is right and good for my effort to live righteously rather than controlling others. I cannot make others be nicer, safer, or otherwise happier. Even a little one I have stewardship over is not controlled by me, only enticed by my efforts to convince them to choose for themselves what is best for them. Usually my love wins over my frustration in every scenario that plays out to a positive end.
4. Like Kelly is saying in this article, having the fortitude to smile at and embrace a little chaos is really a key to feeling alright about the day and the season. Holding onto the pain and knowing it is worth some pain to have what is now and understanding what is right makes things easier. When things are easier they hurt less and gratitude has a way to wedge itself into our hearts. I can smile because I can take in the chaos while simultaneously remembering moments of joy, thusly living the moment I have with peace. It works because I know pain has value and because my smile of wisdom will help rather than add to someone else's moment of pain. My love can invite some pain in a way that feels more like a worthy sacrifice instead of an arduous trial.
JC, this is an absolute treasure trove of wisdom. I notice a thread running through it: you can't control people or force them into having a certain kind of experience. It is theirs to have, all you can do is to show up to it open-heartedly and with grace. What a good word for this season.
p.s. You might need to attach a trigger warning before you mention "shipping issues" this time of year. 😂
And JC, might you be willing to speak to your personal moment(s) of awareness, self reflection, grief, that allowed you to shift into this perspective.?
Dec 20, 2023·edited Dec 20, 2023Liked by Kelly Flanagan
In our family, comedy is on the menu, seemingly the goal of any moment, and pretty much in plentiful supply. Each of our 4 adult kids are basically performers: acting and singing. The 6 grandkids have picked up the funny baton and are hilarious. As for me, papa is the slapstick king. "Accidentally" hitting my head on a kitchen cabinet door, or feigning pinching my finger in a kitchen drawer still knocks them dead. My family of origin cried and entered into sorrow with abandon, and they knew how to laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and laugh... mostly at the absurdity that it was for all of us to be so darn human. If there is a hack here it's I try not to take myself seriously. I don't have it all together. I need to see the comedy in my attempts to pretend I do have to all together. If I love myself well, I am more likely to love others well. Merry Christmas.
Mmmm. "I try not to take myself seriously." It reminds me of that great Merton quote, "...cast our awful solemnity to the winds and join in the general dance." Thank you for this, Carlos!
First off, thank you for the books! I’m so excited and will treasure them.
I grew up in a house where tensions were high in peaceful times. When chaos arose, my siblings and I held our breath in some semblance of frozen fear wondering what would come next. Part of my own counseling journey has been addressing those tender parts of my frozen fear. Healing came when I was encouraged to ask myself what I needed at that age, in those moments. I needed laughter and I needed my parents to see things through my eyes. From my perspective, things never seemed that bad. This healing came when my kids were small (now 18,15,12) and I began applying it. When crazy happened, I would force myself to see through childlike eyes and ask what they were thinking. This was so therapeutic. It has also involved lots of laughing in the moment and sometimes inviting my kids to say a string of “bad” words with me, which made them laugh, my husband and I laugh, and diffused situations. My husband I may make reference to a movie one liner in a moment of chaos to diffuse. Often times these are inside jokes, and he and I get a good chuckle even if no one else understands what the heck we are saying. Hugs help. Gentle reminders that we’re all in this together.
This is powerful, Lindsey. It strikes me how difficult it is to parent well if we can't put ourselves in our kids' shoes by being deeply connected to what it was like to be a kid ourselves. When we say the past was the past so why dwell on it, we're depriving ourselves of wisdom about how to handle the present, especially with our little ones. Thank you for this, and you're welcome for those books!
Even though this article is about laughter and enjoying the moment, it really made me think about what was going on during Christmas time when I was growing up and sadly, I don't have a lot of joyful memories of what we did. We did have the tree and Nativity set and such, but things were always stressful in our house, and so many times, I was fearful of how my dad would act. I think because of that, I have blocked a lot of memories and only have some.
I think more of my healthier and happy memories were from when I was in the convent where the sisters were joyful, happy and caring. The sisters are characterized by "joyful simplicity" and that is something that continues with them now when I visit with them. I left the convent in 1993 and experienced great trauma and abuse (not from the sisters) so I became angry in order to protect myself emotionally. I have been working for years to let go of that stance, but sometimes I still resort to it. I think that because of that, I sometimes forget how to have laughter in my life. I sometimes think I forget how to feel happy, which probably sounds so weird, or at least a little sick.
I appreciate your article because it again reminds me of letting go of my defenses and allowing God to keep working in me to heal me of my past wounds so that I don't waste the gift of life that I have been given.
I'm not always so morose, but those were some of the thoughts that came up for me. What I have found that is helpful for me is when I give retreats or listen in spiritual direction to others and help them realize that they are worthy of love by others, by themselves and by God. It also helps me to remember those words for myself.
Thank you again for your great wisdom and thoughts shared. They always make me ponder deeply. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you, and a blessed and healthy New Year!
Jenny, it doesn't sound weird or sick at all. It sounds like your heart closes to keep you safe, and when our hearts are closed they keep the pain out, but they also trap the joy and laughter in where it can't become what it wants to be until it's expressed. I'm working hard on a book about open-heartedness. I hope it will be both validating and helpful for you!
As usual I love the depth of everyone else’s answers. So many different chapters of our lives. As a kid in a tiny family, in order to have company come, we had to endure my mother’s incredibly stressed personality with an eventual blowup, screaming at all of us right before the doorbell rang. Then it meant the genuine fun part would actually begin. We hid and denied that we were just verbally abused.
Raising my three boys, chaos was just a part of every day life. I loved it. Sure, it was hectic and intense, but I remember being desensitized to it. And so chaos, especially during the holidays had a positive connotation because it meant a house full of activity. And Joy.
Now… I am in between floors with three independent adults, no grandchildren, no parents and a very quiet, peaceful, small non-chaotic holiday. It’s nice and manageable yet also sad and lonely. Less mishaps & material for comedy too. Still, I know a new chapter is on the horizon. Because it always is… I may very well long for these in between quieter years, when they are gone. Or not.
Different chapters. Different floors. Your willingness to receive and to let go, as life ebbs and flows, shines through here, Marilyn. It's a blessing to all of us. 🙏🏻
Honestly, Kelly, I think my nephews, just by existing, give me a ton of permission to let my inner kid out to play, especially at Christmas. After last night, I also highly recommend watching The Sound of Music with an 11-year-old who not only responds to any question asked in the movie, but shouts out that the mountain behind the von Trapp home “looks like the Land-O-Lakes!” I guarantee none of us saw that mountain again for the rest of the movie without thinking that very thing, and we’ll never forget it. 🤣
What a precious memory! I can fully relate to it. Perhaps the most significant influence on everything I've ever written is having children and being able to see the world, to some extent, through their eyes. "I was this once!" might be the epiphany underneath everything I do.
I often feel like I say too often that creative folks should spend time with kids, but there’s a reason for it! We were this once—and underneath all the socialization, we still are. We just forget. They have so much to teach anyone who’ll pay attention.
“I wonder what would happen if we didn’t depend upon time to open our hearts to our chaos, but chose to open them ourselves, right now, in the midst of it.”
Well, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
And, boy howdy 🤠 did it make a difference. When things got “tricky” during the holiday hustle and bustle I kept reminding myself to enjoy it now because I would miss it ALL when it was over. I have experienced enough Christmas family chaos to know that what you wrote is true. I just had never really considered that I could choose to immerse myself in the moment as if it had already happened. It was an expanding of perspective to include a sage navigator in the time space continuum. Many times over the holidays as overwhelm was about to engulf me I was able to adjust my perspective back and forth in time experiencing the Christmas chaos as Christmas cherished-- in the moment! It was such a cool experience! Of course, there were some moments where I just hid in my bedroom for a bit. That worked too! Lol! Thanks for sharing YOUR sage wisdom with us! It certainly helped me love my family well this holiday season! I am hoping to continue this very good start! ❤️
I love this, CarrieLynn! You hear that whole "you should appreciate it now because you'll miss it when it's gone" which has never been an admonishment that really helped me. Just made me feel like I was doing something wrong. But to be able to acknowledge it IS chaos (so if you need to hide in the bedroom from time to time that's totally okay 😂), but it is ALSO the stuff you'll look back at and laugh at, that's something that helps me have a little more flexibility in the moment. I'm so glad it was helpful to you too, my friend!
Haha! Give it 20 more years and you might not find it an external admonishment but rather an internal compelling thought. The truth is, I don’t miss the chaos per se, it’s more of the as-it-was family unit - those ordinary moments in time that won’t come again. There is a death of the “everyone under the same roof with no significant others or families of their own” family unit. Of course, it’s perfectly natural and inevitable for this to occur (hopefully! 😂) but I do miss it from time to time. Most likely, acceptance will come and beautiful daughter or son in-laws and grandchildren will be such a blessing; they are for me. However, you might find you long for those moments, even as chaotic as they were. Even if I realize it can never happen that way again nor do I really want it to, I do miss my adult children being my young children. I know I will feel this way only because early on, I have felt that way after a family vacation or holiday. All that was in the forefront in the moment as offensive or annoying during our time together recedes to the background and is decidedly not as bad as I thought it was upon second thought. The “missing them” takes up space the moment there is a second thinking…. I choose to have my internal “oversight committee of second thinkers” reminding me of how it feels after they leave, while they are still with me. I have become a more graceful human being because of this mindfulness. I don’t dismiss bad behavior but I do temper it with the grace that comes easier when I am missing them. ❤️
I'm late to this party but it caught my attention. "Chaos now. Comedy now." Beautiful message here that I need to practice, Kelly. I have no hacks other than thinking of the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin.
(spoiler) The Grandma, witnessing the chaos in the house with the kids, puts it like this: "You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."
Steve Martin's character doesn't get it. Until later at the school play, when all the other parents are upset with his family for ruining the performance as all hell breaks loose. He's on the metaphorical roller coaster and suddenly a smile breaks on his face. And he gets it.
The chaos is simply life. Who is he to get in the way?
Parenthood just got added to my weekend watch list. The last time I watched it I was a kid and couldn't appreciate it at all. This scene is perfect. Chaos now, comedy now. Thank you for sharing it!
I love the, “you get more out of it” roller coaster parts of my life!! I call it, Adventuring into the wild world of parenting, and I love a good adventure!! (Well, eventually you can call it good… if ya have a great sense of humor!) 😜 Thanks for sharing! 🤙❤️
I love this and agree- 100%!
Why is it so hard to laugh in the moment in the midst of chaos? It’s just a reframing, like you said. A much healthier, more mindful, and joyful way to be in the world. It’s so hard to do when you are in the trenches with little children. Our two girls are now young adults, and one of our favorite things to do is watching movies, too. Our favorites, of course, are the ones of them really throwing down. I wish I could’ve laughed in those moments when they were happening.
I'm mostly convinced it has to do with our nervous systems. It's hard to laugh when we're stressfully aroused, which kids have a way of doing to us. Later, when we're calm and watching it, we can laugh because there's more room in us for it, without all the arousal. Blessings upon your holiday, Katie!
No hacks, just purposeful thinking. I have been disappointed in more Christmas's as an adult than I care to mention. As a child, it was the purest time of my year. Out of school the days seems to last forever. Wishing only for snow and sledding opportunities and spending what seemed like hours just admiring the Christmas tree and the wonder of the holiday as my mother convinced us to take it in (most likely trying to catch a break from the ruckus). As I became the responsible one I went all out to make it pleasant and ensure Santa was generous and kind. I dug in to "BE" thoughtful and I pushed to try to "FEEL" the reason for the season as I did my best to work and live the daily life adults have to live until given that momentary paid leave we saved up over the year. I felt so obligated to soak in what I could before it was gone and all I got was burnt out. Toss in Black Friday, shipping issues, and moments of ungrateful children and a stressed spouse...boom, Christmas was for someone else's joy, not mine. I've tried to get it done earlier, let it go and just simplify, be silly and just have fun....all those experiments did not fly with me hoping to have and feel some semblance of what I felt as a child. But then after some failures, I have found some mental solutions that help to tidy up the reality of now and how I do it.
1. Recreating, reliving, or otherwise trying to put what was my childhood into my own children's experience is not how they live or will remember their own experience. I had mine, I have what I cherish and what I regret to make me my own person and I am worth being that special that nobody else gets to have what I had. I actually still have those feelings and memories to cherish and use as "fuel" for the moments I take now to reflect on them. I can be happy now because of happiness I felt then.
2. Spreading my joy and my love of what was and my hope for what will be is not a mission to alter the outcomes of other people's lived experiences. It is just me, opening myself to others to expand my own happiness in conjunction with theirs. If we can copaceticly allow for weakness and pain to be part of the mix as we interact with each other and honor the loveableness of each other as we do so, it isn't too hard to make a new memory of something with high value in the mental space we give to that moment.
3. Difficult people and anyone who is not in the grove with us deserve to have peace and feel love. It's not my responsibility to judge their worth or their hearts based on a moment in time that I have with them. I have to judge for myself, about my own actions and reactions in moments and stay true to what is right and good for my effort to live righteously rather than controlling others. I cannot make others be nicer, safer, or otherwise happier. Even a little one I have stewardship over is not controlled by me, only enticed by my efforts to convince them to choose for themselves what is best for them. Usually my love wins over my frustration in every scenario that plays out to a positive end.
4. Like Kelly is saying in this article, having the fortitude to smile at and embrace a little chaos is really a key to feeling alright about the day and the season. Holding onto the pain and knowing it is worth some pain to have what is now and understanding what is right makes things easier. When things are easier they hurt less and gratitude has a way to wedge itself into our hearts. I can smile because I can take in the chaos while simultaneously remembering moments of joy, thusly living the moment I have with peace. It works because I know pain has value and because my smile of wisdom will help rather than add to someone else's moment of pain. My love can invite some pain in a way that feels more like a worthy sacrifice instead of an arduous trial.
JC, this is an absolute treasure trove of wisdom. I notice a thread running through it: you can't control people or force them into having a certain kind of experience. It is theirs to have, all you can do is to show up to it open-heartedly and with grace. What a good word for this season.
p.s. You might need to attach a trigger warning before you mention "shipping issues" this time of year. 😂
Wisdom wisdom wisdom. Preach it, JC!
And JC, might you be willing to speak to your personal moment(s) of awareness, self reflection, grief, that allowed you to shift into this perspective.?
In our family, comedy is on the menu, seemingly the goal of any moment, and pretty much in plentiful supply. Each of our 4 adult kids are basically performers: acting and singing. The 6 grandkids have picked up the funny baton and are hilarious. As for me, papa is the slapstick king. "Accidentally" hitting my head on a kitchen cabinet door, or feigning pinching my finger in a kitchen drawer still knocks them dead. My family of origin cried and entered into sorrow with abandon, and they knew how to laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and laugh... mostly at the absurdity that it was for all of us to be so darn human. If there is a hack here it's I try not to take myself seriously. I don't have it all together. I need to see the comedy in my attempts to pretend I do have to all together. If I love myself well, I am more likely to love others well. Merry Christmas.
Mmmm. "I try not to take myself seriously." It reminds me of that great Merton quote, "...cast our awful solemnity to the winds and join in the general dance." Thank you for this, Carlos!
First off, thank you for the books! I’m so excited and will treasure them.
I grew up in a house where tensions were high in peaceful times. When chaos arose, my siblings and I held our breath in some semblance of frozen fear wondering what would come next. Part of my own counseling journey has been addressing those tender parts of my frozen fear. Healing came when I was encouraged to ask myself what I needed at that age, in those moments. I needed laughter and I needed my parents to see things through my eyes. From my perspective, things never seemed that bad. This healing came when my kids were small (now 18,15,12) and I began applying it. When crazy happened, I would force myself to see through childlike eyes and ask what they were thinking. This was so therapeutic. It has also involved lots of laughing in the moment and sometimes inviting my kids to say a string of “bad” words with me, which made them laugh, my husband and I laugh, and diffused situations. My husband I may make reference to a movie one liner in a moment of chaos to diffuse. Often times these are inside jokes, and he and I get a good chuckle even if no one else understands what the heck we are saying. Hugs help. Gentle reminders that we’re all in this together.
This is powerful, Lindsey. It strikes me how difficult it is to parent well if we can't put ourselves in our kids' shoes by being deeply connected to what it was like to be a kid ourselves. When we say the past was the past so why dwell on it, we're depriving ourselves of wisdom about how to handle the present, especially with our little ones. Thank you for this, and you're welcome for those books!
Even though this article is about laughter and enjoying the moment, it really made me think about what was going on during Christmas time when I was growing up and sadly, I don't have a lot of joyful memories of what we did. We did have the tree and Nativity set and such, but things were always stressful in our house, and so many times, I was fearful of how my dad would act. I think because of that, I have blocked a lot of memories and only have some.
I think more of my healthier and happy memories were from when I was in the convent where the sisters were joyful, happy and caring. The sisters are characterized by "joyful simplicity" and that is something that continues with them now when I visit with them. I left the convent in 1993 and experienced great trauma and abuse (not from the sisters) so I became angry in order to protect myself emotionally. I have been working for years to let go of that stance, but sometimes I still resort to it. I think that because of that, I sometimes forget how to have laughter in my life. I sometimes think I forget how to feel happy, which probably sounds so weird, or at least a little sick.
I appreciate your article because it again reminds me of letting go of my defenses and allowing God to keep working in me to heal me of my past wounds so that I don't waste the gift of life that I have been given.
I'm not always so morose, but those were some of the thoughts that came up for me. What I have found that is helpful for me is when I give retreats or listen in spiritual direction to others and help them realize that they are worthy of love by others, by themselves and by God. It also helps me to remember those words for myself.
Thank you again for your great wisdom and thoughts shared. They always make me ponder deeply. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you, and a blessed and healthy New Year!
Jenny, it doesn't sound weird or sick at all. It sounds like your heart closes to keep you safe, and when our hearts are closed they keep the pain out, but they also trap the joy and laughter in where it can't become what it wants to be until it's expressed. I'm working hard on a book about open-heartedness. I hope it will be both validating and helpful for you!
I'm looking forward to that! That sounds like it might be just what I need. Thank you!
As usual I love the depth of everyone else’s answers. So many different chapters of our lives. As a kid in a tiny family, in order to have company come, we had to endure my mother’s incredibly stressed personality with an eventual blowup, screaming at all of us right before the doorbell rang. Then it meant the genuine fun part would actually begin. We hid and denied that we were just verbally abused.
Raising my three boys, chaos was just a part of every day life. I loved it. Sure, it was hectic and intense, but I remember being desensitized to it. And so chaos, especially during the holidays had a positive connotation because it meant a house full of activity. And Joy.
Now… I am in between floors with three independent adults, no grandchildren, no parents and a very quiet, peaceful, small non-chaotic holiday. It’s nice and manageable yet also sad and lonely. Less mishaps & material for comedy too. Still, I know a new chapter is on the horizon. Because it always is… I may very well long for these in between quieter years, when they are gone. Or not.
Different chapters. Different floors. Your willingness to receive and to let go, as life ebbs and flows, shines through here, Marilyn. It's a blessing to all of us. 🙏🏻
Honestly, Kelly, I think my nephews, just by existing, give me a ton of permission to let my inner kid out to play, especially at Christmas. After last night, I also highly recommend watching The Sound of Music with an 11-year-old who not only responds to any question asked in the movie, but shouts out that the mountain behind the von Trapp home “looks like the Land-O-Lakes!” I guarantee none of us saw that mountain again for the rest of the movie without thinking that very thing, and we’ll never forget it. 🤣
What a precious memory! I can fully relate to it. Perhaps the most significant influence on everything I've ever written is having children and being able to see the world, to some extent, through their eyes. "I was this once!" might be the epiphany underneath everything I do.
I often feel like I say too often that creative folks should spend time with kids, but there’s a reason for it! We were this once—and underneath all the socialization, we still are. We just forget. They have so much to teach anyone who’ll pay attention.
“I wonder what would happen if we didn’t depend upon time to open our hearts to our chaos, but chose to open them ourselves, right now, in the midst of it.”
Well, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
And, boy howdy 🤠 did it make a difference. When things got “tricky” during the holiday hustle and bustle I kept reminding myself to enjoy it now because I would miss it ALL when it was over. I have experienced enough Christmas family chaos to know that what you wrote is true. I just had never really considered that I could choose to immerse myself in the moment as if it had already happened. It was an expanding of perspective to include a sage navigator in the time space continuum. Many times over the holidays as overwhelm was about to engulf me I was able to adjust my perspective back and forth in time experiencing the Christmas chaos as Christmas cherished-- in the moment! It was such a cool experience! Of course, there were some moments where I just hid in my bedroom for a bit. That worked too! Lol! Thanks for sharing YOUR sage wisdom with us! It certainly helped me love my family well this holiday season! I am hoping to continue this very good start! ❤️
I love this, CarrieLynn! You hear that whole "you should appreciate it now because you'll miss it when it's gone" which has never been an admonishment that really helped me. Just made me feel like I was doing something wrong. But to be able to acknowledge it IS chaos (so if you need to hide in the bedroom from time to time that's totally okay 😂), but it is ALSO the stuff you'll look back at and laugh at, that's something that helps me have a little more flexibility in the moment. I'm so glad it was helpful to you too, my friend!
Haha! Give it 20 more years and you might not find it an external admonishment but rather an internal compelling thought. The truth is, I don’t miss the chaos per se, it’s more of the as-it-was family unit - those ordinary moments in time that won’t come again. There is a death of the “everyone under the same roof with no significant others or families of their own” family unit. Of course, it’s perfectly natural and inevitable for this to occur (hopefully! 😂) but I do miss it from time to time. Most likely, acceptance will come and beautiful daughter or son in-laws and grandchildren will be such a blessing; they are for me. However, you might find you long for those moments, even as chaotic as they were. Even if I realize it can never happen that way again nor do I really want it to, I do miss my adult children being my young children. I know I will feel this way only because early on, I have felt that way after a family vacation or holiday. All that was in the forefront in the moment as offensive or annoying during our time together recedes to the background and is decidedly not as bad as I thought it was upon second thought. The “missing them” takes up space the moment there is a second thinking…. I choose to have my internal “oversight committee of second thinkers” reminding me of how it feels after they leave, while they are still with me. I have become a more graceful human being because of this mindfulness. I don’t dismiss bad behavior but I do temper it with the grace that comes easier when I am missing them. ❤️
I'm late to this party but it caught my attention. "Chaos now. Comedy now." Beautiful message here that I need to practice, Kelly. I have no hacks other than thinking of the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin.
(spoiler) The Grandma, witnessing the chaos in the house with the kids, puts it like this: "You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."
Steve Martin's character doesn't get it. Until later at the school play, when all the other parents are upset with his family for ruining the performance as all hell breaks loose. He's on the metaphorical roller coaster and suddenly a smile breaks on his face. And he gets it.
The chaos is simply life. Who is he to get in the way?
Parenthood just got added to my weekend watch list. The last time I watched it I was a kid and couldn't appreciate it at all. This scene is perfect. Chaos now, comedy now. Thank you for sharing it!
I love the, “you get more out of it” roller coaster parts of my life!! I call it, Adventuring into the wild world of parenting, and I love a good adventure!! (Well, eventually you can call it good… if ya have a great sense of humor!) 😜 Thanks for sharing! 🤙❤️