I SO need this reminder right now. Creating, in many forms, makes me come alive, and I've realized recently that I've been doing too much maintaining, which is draining. Writing, specifically, makes me come alive, and I'm still navigating the whole balance of making sure the bills are paid and chasing my dream. I lean more toward the former. Thank you for sharing Aidan's story!
Lisa, your comment just lit a light bulb for me. I am doing a lot of creating right now, but very little of it is writing, and life feels less alive. If I'm not actively writing at least three or four days a week on new material, this always happens. Thank you so much for the reminder, and blessings upon your own self accountability as you seek to do so as well!
Amazing! Too many times in our society we are given “or” as the main option when in reality I’ve experienced a spectrum. “AND” is a great answer, love this 👏
Ken, you’d have been blown away by the evolution of the troupe in just the six months since November. I’m more and more confident you’ll have another big reason to come see him again sometime in the future!
The apple doesn’t fall from the tree. The apple watched his dad pursue his dream of being a writer, and watched him become alive and full of passion, and knew that we can do hard things. Loved the accompanying quotes you selected for this one. Planning to print and put in front of me at work.
My goodness, Mary, I'm deeply touched by that way of seeing it. It had not occurred to me. I'm also deeply touched by the idea of this in front of you as you work! Thank you.🙏
Mary just pointed out above that modeling chasing your dream might've been part of what encouraged Aidan. I hope so, and I hope the same is true for you and yours, Christi!
Kelly, your remarkable story along with its exquisite message reminds me of a research study I came across about twenty years ago that I have never forgotten.
Between 1960 and 1980 researcher Srully Blotnick conducted a study that examined the long-term financial outcomes of individuals based on their initial career motivations—specifically, whether they prioritized money or personal passion.
He tracked 1,500 business school graduates, categorizing them into two distinct groups.
The first group had 1,245 individuals (83%), who chose careers primarily for financial gain, intending to pursue their true interests later.
The second group ended up with 255 individuals (17%), who chose to pursue careers aligned with their passions, believing that financial success would follow.
Two decades later, the study revealed that 101 participants had become millionaires. 100 of these millionaires emerged from the second group, while ONLY ONE came from the first group.
If your motivation is passion, pick passion.
If your motivation is money (and perhaps mis-placed 😊) well, pick passion.
Kelly, Google/chat-GPt the study and Blotnik’s name. The study methodology came under a bit of scrutiny (it was a long time ago) but it seems Blotnick was well-regarded and credentialed.
I will. Generally, speaking I trust the overall reputation of the researcher, because any study once scrutinized shows problems with the methodology and the design. Good scientists are aware of these flaws, admit them, and encourage other researchers to address them in future studies. For instance, in this study the difference in sample size of the two groups creates some real statistical problems. However, the effect was so large it overcame some of the statistical limitations! Looking forward to studying it in more detail.
Plus, there’s the simple question of what we choose to believe. As the owner of an investment firm, if I segmented our clients into two groups, optimists and pessimists, the optimists would have a much higher return. They invest regularly, stay invested when the going gets tough, primarily because they choose to see the good and the promise of what is possible. And then there’s the profoundly higher return the optimists have in life 😊.
Which is why, for me, passion vs money is a simple choice.
Thinking on "passion" what do you do with it to foster it or rekindle it? I feel like I lost passion early on and tried for money but really didn't get that either. I had a 17 year plan to change public education going into college then got my ideas squashed by a hard reality of what it would take to do such a thing. I found out my commitment was not as strong as my supposed passion. I feel like I've had that happen to me a lot many times. Have I just been shooting myself in the foot repeatedly or is there something to dedication and passion that connects them in a way I wasnt aware of? Is there a formula for being more dedicated or possibly for picking a true passion that sparks dedication?
I really needed to hear this. At 52 years old, I've been invited to be an Artist in Residence in Costa Rica. I'm coming alive in so many ways as I prepare for my year there. I'm grateful for the reminder that creativity and passion are not synomous with financial ruin. The quote about fear is going in my journal.
Good for you, Kathryn! In my experience, you will carry that fear and self-doubt with you through the entire experience, and you can invite it to quiet down over and over again. I’m glad you have that quote to remind you. Blessings upon your adventure, Costa Rica is amazing!
I love Howard Thurman. Yet, the quote gave me pause. I wonder if it can also be true that when you see something in the world and it breaks your heart, serving from that space just might bring you alive. Learning from our tears can waken that aliveness.
Cynthia, of course I can rely upon you to push for one of my favorite Buechner quotes about vocation:
"By and large a good rule for finding out is this: the kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done. ... The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
In Loveable, I gave this formula for finding purpose: your passion, plus the redeeming of your pain in the world equals a sense of purpose. However, I made that one of the last chapters of the book because I see shame creep into this way of thinking about purpose. We start to equate our worth with our impact. I guess I see the Thurman quote and the Buechner quote as quotes for different stages of the journey.
Thank you as always for stimulating thought about this. This is exactly what people talk about when they say they like to read the comments sections of my posts. 🙏
This post . . . your beautiful Aiden . . . releasing anxiety to parent well . . . choosing life-giving, creative purpose . . . It's all about Love, right? Allowing it to expel our fears?
I’ll admit to having a certain amount of pride in the fact that that at a time when all of our friends were retiring, we made a long held dream come to life. I’ll also admit that part of my pride comes from what is a real need to prove to my kids that I’m brave, relevant, and not giving up or in to the status quo for my age. The REAL truth is that after all of this brass ring stuff lies the deep down knowledge that life and time are fleeting. The things that are life giving to me have always been the same…my family, friends, community,faith, creativity and hospitality. Those are the ever present needs and desires (which took me a long time to realize they are NOT the same thing) that at age 70 (holy cow) are all I still want in life. It’s good to ponder these things. It’s good to remember to remember that the things that bring us life and joy and purpose can constantly change. They do change. It’s ok. I’m grateful to be here for it.
This is such a powerful reminder for all of us, Donna. We can't help but have our egos get a little juiced by all the "brass ring stuff," but beneath all of that are the longings, desires, and passions that will never go away until we go away. God is very good, to make it all matter from the very beginning until the very end.
I told our son he was like Steven Colbert when he was in high school. Our family dinners with funny and witty. He dropped out of college after freshman year to be a comedian. I told him to follow his dreams. Two of our daughters were facing life threatening illnesses. He did. Lived in his car in LA and worked hard. Then came the pandemic. He went back to school online, found a new passion in political science and diplomacy, got a full scholarship and now is at a top law firm in DC. Nothing is wasted. He speaks well, is charming and quick on his feet. Of course, his mother is a dreamer too. And I reminded him Zelensky got his start as a comedian. It is good life preparation.
Thank you for sharing your story, Jennie. Many of the comedians who go through Second City do so not because they want to end up comedians but because they know the improv training will unlock something in them that will be essential for business. Blessings upon your son’s journey. I know his mother’s encouragement, and the experiences it gained him, will serve him well!
Like Donna above, I am living my dream at 71, by teaching art to children and running my art school here, along with my husband, in my home. That coupled with continuing art-making, and creating beauty in my home, (along with faith, family, friends and hospitality….) but if you asked me10 years ago what my dream was, this wasn’t even on the radar. How this all came about is another story. But it turns out, my 33 year old son has been watching his parents pursue teaching art and has discovered that he too has a passion for teaching, so while he has always had a dream to be a rock star, he’s found that teaching kids guitar is something he loves almost as much. It certainly seems that following our dreams can indeed inspire others to do so! We all need more abundant life coursing through our bodies and souls, and this can happen as we pursue those things that give us joy and peace. It can also keep us young, as being around children is doing for me. Thank you, once again, for sharing a powerful and inspiring story that encourages us to share ours! Happy Dreaming, fellow Dreamers!
Wendy, this is such a powerful story - how the step-by-step following of your dream has produced a life you, ironically, couldn’t have dreamed of, and has inspired your son to do so as well. Someone recently told me about a book called “The Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life.” The thesis: I don’t know where I'm going, but I know how to get there. You just follow one sign at a time to track a lion. It’s very much the same with dreams.
I often imagine that life would have been easier if I were like my childhood friend, who knew he wanted to be a doctor, so he went to school for that and became one. Me? I went to school for theatre, which is how a pretentious theatre student spells that word, so I could become a prestigious actor at the world-famous Guthrie in Minneapolis.
Never made it past ushering at the Gutherie, and while I can't say life has been easy since shifting directions (and then shifting again, many more times), it's never been boring.
The end of life may be hard for me, but if it is, then I will face it knowing that I didn't miss any calling. It also may not. Gotta a few miles left in this 50yo body and brain.
Last thought: Kelly, I envy the relationship your son has with you.
Well, shoot, you surprised me with that last line and brought tears to my eyes, Damon. Thank you for your kind words. I can relate to them.
And I think the life you’re describing is exactly what I’m talking about here. I’m not sure if Aidan will end up a comedian, but if he continues to do what makes him come alive, he will be able to look back like you, knowing he didn’t miss his calling.
And you have a LOT of miles left in that body and brain!
If you're right, and I have mixed feelings about this possibility, let's hope I can put those miles to wise use, something more than just living a long life.
I loved reading this, Kelly. When we allow ourselves to pursue things that bring us joy, we do feel alive. I will never forget my time teaching English at a medical college in China. I felt so much joy working with those students. Ever since that time, I have learned to pay attention to what is life-giving. When we do the things we were born to do, we experience fulfillment in a distinct way. Writing and working with my clients are two things that make me feel very alive. I love the story you shared about your son, and the reminder to pay attention to the things that make us feel alive.
Susan, I appreciate how your lived experience is given you additional synonyms for “alive.” Words like “life-giving” and “fulfillment.” Life-giving strikes me in particular. The adding of energy rather than the draining of it. Thank you. 🙏
I've been self employed for the past 47 years. I started my business 2 months before our first child was born. I was working as a construction supervisor for 4 years when business locally was slowing down and I was asked to travel to the other end of our country for a project. This was contrary to the agreement we had when I started so I refused. A few months later I gave my notice of resignation. It was the best thing to do if I wanted to stay in control of my life. I knew there is no such thing as job security and I was willing to work hard at any opportunity that came my way. It has been an adventure that included traveling but only to places I agreed to go. It's also a great way to ease into retirement. I only take on the projects that don't interfere with how I want to spend my time. Keeping my life in balance.
I SO need this reminder right now. Creating, in many forms, makes me come alive, and I've realized recently that I've been doing too much maintaining, which is draining. Writing, specifically, makes me come alive, and I'm still navigating the whole balance of making sure the bills are paid and chasing my dream. I lean more toward the former. Thank you for sharing Aidan's story!
Lisa, your comment just lit a light bulb for me. I am doing a lot of creating right now, but very little of it is writing, and life feels less alive. If I'm not actively writing at least three or four days a week on new material, this always happens. Thank you so much for the reminder, and blessings upon your own self accountability as you seek to do so as well!
Love this yet again, Kelly!
Amazing! Too many times in our society we are given “or” as the main option when in reality I’ve experienced a spectrum. “AND” is a great answer, love this 👏
Mitch, your And-ness is your essence!
Congratulations to Aidan!! So exciting to see him pursuing his passion and refining his craft. I can't wait to see him perform live again!
Ken, you’d have been blown away by the evolution of the troupe in just the six months since November. I’m more and more confident you’ll have another big reason to come see him again sometime in the future!
The apple doesn’t fall from the tree. The apple watched his dad pursue his dream of being a writer, and watched him become alive and full of passion, and knew that we can do hard things. Loved the accompanying quotes you selected for this one. Planning to print and put in front of me at work.
My goodness, Mary, I'm deeply touched by that way of seeing it. It had not occurred to me. I'm also deeply touched by the idea of this in front of you as you work! Thank you.🙏
I need this for MYSELF! The kids will do well to see living my dreams more fully and concerned about money less.
Mary just pointed out above that modeling chasing your dream might've been part of what encouraged Aidan. I hope so, and I hope the same is true for you and yours, Christi!
Kelly, your remarkable story along with its exquisite message reminds me of a research study I came across about twenty years ago that I have never forgotten.
Between 1960 and 1980 researcher Srully Blotnick conducted a study that examined the long-term financial outcomes of individuals based on their initial career motivations—specifically, whether they prioritized money or personal passion.
He tracked 1,500 business school graduates, categorizing them into two distinct groups.
The first group had 1,245 individuals (83%), who chose careers primarily for financial gain, intending to pursue their true interests later.
The second group ended up with 255 individuals (17%), who chose to pursue careers aligned with their passions, believing that financial success would follow.
Two decades later, the study revealed that 101 participants had become millionaires. 100 of these millionaires emerged from the second group, while ONLY ONE came from the first group.
If your motivation is passion, pick passion.
If your motivation is money (and perhaps mis-placed 😊) well, pick passion.
Holy cow, James! I'm going to share this study with the men from the dad's retreat. I'm confident it will have a powerful impact, thank you!
Kelly, Google/chat-GPt the study and Blotnik’s name. The study methodology came under a bit of scrutiny (it was a long time ago) but it seems Blotnick was well-regarded and credentialed.
Glad I could add to the conversation here. 🙏
I will. Generally, speaking I trust the overall reputation of the researcher, because any study once scrutinized shows problems with the methodology and the design. Good scientists are aware of these flaws, admit them, and encourage other researchers to address them in future studies. For instance, in this study the difference in sample size of the two groups creates some real statistical problems. However, the effect was so large it overcame some of the statistical limitations! Looking forward to studying it in more detail.
Kelly, great points and well articulated.
Plus, there’s the simple question of what we choose to believe. As the owner of an investment firm, if I segmented our clients into two groups, optimists and pessimists, the optimists would have a much higher return. They invest regularly, stay invested when the going gets tough, primarily because they choose to see the good and the promise of what is possible. And then there’s the profoundly higher return the optimists have in life 😊.
Which is why, for me, passion vs money is a simple choice.
Fantastic observation. We keep piling up topics for a longer conversation in the near future. 😊
Yes, for sure. OK, Over and out.
I want make sure you know I wasn't trying to end this conversation, just looking forward to that other one!
Thinking on "passion" what do you do with it to foster it or rekindle it? I feel like I lost passion early on and tried for money but really didn't get that either. I had a 17 year plan to change public education going into college then got my ideas squashed by a hard reality of what it would take to do such a thing. I found out my commitment was not as strong as my supposed passion. I feel like I've had that happen to me a lot many times. Have I just been shooting myself in the foot repeatedly or is there something to dedication and passion that connects them in a way I wasnt aware of? Is there a formula for being more dedicated or possibly for picking a true passion that sparks dedication?
I really needed to hear this. At 52 years old, I've been invited to be an Artist in Residence in Costa Rica. I'm coming alive in so many ways as I prepare for my year there. I'm grateful for the reminder that creativity and passion are not synomous with financial ruin. The quote about fear is going in my journal.
Good for you, Kathryn! In my experience, you will carry that fear and self-doubt with you through the entire experience, and you can invite it to quiet down over and over again. I’m glad you have that quote to remind you. Blessings upon your adventure, Costa Rica is amazing!
I love Howard Thurman. Yet, the quote gave me pause. I wonder if it can also be true that when you see something in the world and it breaks your heart, serving from that space just might bring you alive. Learning from our tears can waken that aliveness.
Cynthia, of course I can rely upon you to push for one of my favorite Buechner quotes about vocation:
"By and large a good rule for finding out is this: the kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done. ... The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
In Loveable, I gave this formula for finding purpose: your passion, plus the redeeming of your pain in the world equals a sense of purpose. However, I made that one of the last chapters of the book because I see shame creep into this way of thinking about purpose. We start to equate our worth with our impact. I guess I see the Thurman quote and the Buechner quote as quotes for different stages of the journey.
Thank you as always for stimulating thought about this. This is exactly what people talk about when they say they like to read the comments sections of my posts. 🙏
This post . . . your beautiful Aiden . . . releasing anxiety to parent well . . . choosing life-giving, creative purpose . . . It's all about Love, right? Allowing it to expel our fears?
Yes, Cheryl, that’s it. Let Love become big enough that there’s less and less room for fear. ❤️
I’ll admit to having a certain amount of pride in the fact that that at a time when all of our friends were retiring, we made a long held dream come to life. I’ll also admit that part of my pride comes from what is a real need to prove to my kids that I’m brave, relevant, and not giving up or in to the status quo for my age. The REAL truth is that after all of this brass ring stuff lies the deep down knowledge that life and time are fleeting. The things that are life giving to me have always been the same…my family, friends, community,faith, creativity and hospitality. Those are the ever present needs and desires (which took me a long time to realize they are NOT the same thing) that at age 70 (holy cow) are all I still want in life. It’s good to ponder these things. It’s good to remember to remember that the things that bring us life and joy and purpose can constantly change. They do change. It’s ok. I’m grateful to be here for it.
This is such a powerful reminder for all of us, Donna. We can't help but have our egos get a little juiced by all the "brass ring stuff," but beneath all of that are the longings, desires, and passions that will never go away until we go away. God is very good, to make it all matter from the very beginning until the very end.
I told our son he was like Steven Colbert when he was in high school. Our family dinners with funny and witty. He dropped out of college after freshman year to be a comedian. I told him to follow his dreams. Two of our daughters were facing life threatening illnesses. He did. Lived in his car in LA and worked hard. Then came the pandemic. He went back to school online, found a new passion in political science and diplomacy, got a full scholarship and now is at a top law firm in DC. Nothing is wasted. He speaks well, is charming and quick on his feet. Of course, his mother is a dreamer too. And I reminded him Zelensky got his start as a comedian. It is good life preparation.
Thank you for sharing your story, Jennie. Many of the comedians who go through Second City do so not because they want to end up comedians but because they know the improv training will unlock something in them that will be essential for business. Blessings upon your son’s journey. I know his mother’s encouragement, and the experiences it gained him, will serve him well!
Like Donna above, I am living my dream at 71, by teaching art to children and running my art school here, along with my husband, in my home. That coupled with continuing art-making, and creating beauty in my home, (along with faith, family, friends and hospitality….) but if you asked me10 years ago what my dream was, this wasn’t even on the radar. How this all came about is another story. But it turns out, my 33 year old son has been watching his parents pursue teaching art and has discovered that he too has a passion for teaching, so while he has always had a dream to be a rock star, he’s found that teaching kids guitar is something he loves almost as much. It certainly seems that following our dreams can indeed inspire others to do so! We all need more abundant life coursing through our bodies and souls, and this can happen as we pursue those things that give us joy and peace. It can also keep us young, as being around children is doing for me. Thank you, once again, for sharing a powerful and inspiring story that encourages us to share ours! Happy Dreaming, fellow Dreamers!
Wendy, this is such a powerful story - how the step-by-step following of your dream has produced a life you, ironically, couldn’t have dreamed of, and has inspired your son to do so as well. Someone recently told me about a book called “The Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life.” The thesis: I don’t know where I'm going, but I know how to get there. You just follow one sign at a time to track a lion. It’s very much the same with dreams.
I often imagine that life would have been easier if I were like my childhood friend, who knew he wanted to be a doctor, so he went to school for that and became one. Me? I went to school for theatre, which is how a pretentious theatre student spells that word, so I could become a prestigious actor at the world-famous Guthrie in Minneapolis.
Never made it past ushering at the Gutherie, and while I can't say life has been easy since shifting directions (and then shifting again, many more times), it's never been boring.
The end of life may be hard for me, but if it is, then I will face it knowing that I didn't miss any calling. It also may not. Gotta a few miles left in this 50yo body and brain.
Last thought: Kelly, I envy the relationship your son has with you.
Well, shoot, you surprised me with that last line and brought tears to my eyes, Damon. Thank you for your kind words. I can relate to them.
And I think the life you’re describing is exactly what I’m talking about here. I’m not sure if Aidan will end up a comedian, but if he continues to do what makes him come alive, he will be able to look back like you, knowing he didn’t miss his calling.
And you have a LOT of miles left in that body and brain!
🫂 --> To your whole reply
If you're right, and I have mixed feelings about this possibility, let's hope I can put those miles to wise use, something more than just living a long life.
I loved reading this, Kelly. When we allow ourselves to pursue things that bring us joy, we do feel alive. I will never forget my time teaching English at a medical college in China. I felt so much joy working with those students. Ever since that time, I have learned to pay attention to what is life-giving. When we do the things we were born to do, we experience fulfillment in a distinct way. Writing and working with my clients are two things that make me feel very alive. I love the story you shared about your son, and the reminder to pay attention to the things that make us feel alive.
Susan, I appreciate how your lived experience is given you additional synonyms for “alive.” Words like “life-giving” and “fulfillment.” Life-giving strikes me in particular. The adding of energy rather than the draining of it. Thank you. 🙏
I've been self employed for the past 47 years. I started my business 2 months before our first child was born. I was working as a construction supervisor for 4 years when business locally was slowing down and I was asked to travel to the other end of our country for a project. This was contrary to the agreement we had when I started so I refused. A few months later I gave my notice of resignation. It was the best thing to do if I wanted to stay in control of my life. I knew there is no such thing as job security and I was willing to work hard at any opportunity that came my way. It has been an adventure that included traveling but only to places I agreed to go. It's also a great way to ease into retirement. I only take on the projects that don't interfere with how I want to spend my time. Keeping my life in balance.