Early motherhood is SO HARD. Give yourself permission to both love it and hate it. It's gone in a flash, even though each day can be 90 hours long. My baby is almost 22, and those early days are a blur. It's beautiful that you are soaking them in as you are.
I remember those early days so fondly. I also remember, one of the first times changing his diapers, forgetting to cover him up while he was exposed, and he proceeded to pee backward into his own face. I thought I'd ruined him. 😊 So much to love and so much to fear at that stage. May you open your heart to all of it!
Hi Kelly, the reality is that my soul is right now focused on today's ONCOLOGY APPOINTMENT
Everyday life of medical appointments and caregiving is tempered with creating a network via Carer Mentor and together, all of it feels 'good tired' nourishing—even if my adrenalin is spiking in anticipation of the appointment, hoping the journey to and from another city will go smoothly etc. Mindfulness exercises will be going on in the car to slow thoughts down;-) I'll be back later.
Thank you Donna xo This is all part and parcel of the larger caregiving rollercoaster. I've become quite adept and riding through...we definitely count our blessings for the good folks supporting us. Extra blessings are always very gratefully received! xo
Thank you for sharing this, Victoria, and for redeeming your day just a little bit by reminding everyone who reads this that the soul has its work cut out for it, as it navigates the pain, uncertainty, and vulnerabilities of our humanity. May you somehow experience a peace that surpasses all understanding today.
Thanks, Kelly; we're home, safe and sound, travel, and the appointment went fine. I appreciate your kind words.
I'm sure every soul has unique challenges and loop-de-loops of rollercoasters—such is the life we all lead as mortals. I was grateful to vent some stress-angst here!
Now, we can relax at home-music is on and a cup of tea is in hand.
Victoria, I started reading while trying to formulate my all caps contribution. I saw your first post and started hoping you would have a positive outcome to your appointment. I was thinking "how can this Carer Mentor:Empathy and Inspiration warrior juggle all of this today?" By the time I read further, I saw that you had already made it back home, and your appointment "went fine". Unique challenges, loop-de-loops of rollercoasters, and venting are huge things to get through. Thank you for sharing, and blessings while you have your tea <3!!!
Bless you for thinking I'm a warrior! Juggler absolutely. These days, I tend to try to make peace and struggle less - it's all relative, though! (in comparison to early caregiver days or the dark dark days). It's very difficult learning that grit and grind was me expending more energy...
All that to say, I may seem like a warrior, but actually, I like to think of water moving with/around/changing...I still get caught in eddys and whirlpools though ;-)
Thanks, Brenda. All prayers are very gratefully received and worked - there was glorious sunshine on the journey, and the views were lovely. I'm relieved to be home, no big delays. As I'm sure you can appreciate, given your experience, I'll never really get over the high-alert, stress of orchestrating wheelchair, bags, safety, questions, notes etc etc. The sunshine and drive home was calming. xo
DROPPING MY GUARD & FINDING WAYS TO SHARE MORE - with my voice and my writing. To participate, support and connect. A lifelong project - both challenging and joyful.
WRITING MY SECOND BOOK- I teach a 6 week online course called Intentional Eating which applies yogic principles to how we approach food and ourselves. I decided to write a book, of the same title, to both accompany the course and stand on its own. I am on the 3rd revision and will give it to my "editor" who is also my dad, for his feedback hopefully this or next week. I'm excited about it!
LONGING FOR GOD AND TURNING TOWARDS OTHERS - I am attending a course on the Song of Songs by Rabbi Menachem Feldman. He has beautifully described the soul's longing for intimacy with God and turning towards the suffering to bring God's presence to them. This dynamic dance is captured in the Song of Songs. It has brought insights and understanding to what I experience within myself.
I find myself in a similar path right now. It's tough because I learned that I need to let go of some habits and time wasting activities and I feel like resisting a bit more than I like.
This sounds like a wonderful place for your soul to be, Julia. I believe it is in God's compassionate presence, seeing his heart for struggling people, that we gain our desire to be that presence for others. It's good for us and good for the people we care for!
Journaling through NOT: holding on too tightly; trying to control every outcome; every next step; every uncertainty…. Focusing on a mantra of - Shift. Release. Trust. As I continue down the path of watching my mom slowly die of metastatic cancer on hospice.
Sending you love and prayers for both you and your Mom, Corey.
I curated a Cancer Anthology with other writer-publishers, that I launched yesterday on World Cancer Day— an expanding resource to share our unique experiences, offer recommendations of support organisations and books AND to offer a portal to others who 'get it' by highlighting their work. I've travelled several bittersweet painful journeys. It's all freely available if you need it. HUGS
Watching, accompanying, praying with our loved ones who are dying has both sacred and grieving elements. Remaining open hearted in those spaces allows you to receive God's embrace.
DEEPENING FRIENDSHIPS. I am going to Mexico next week for a wellness workshop and the theme is friendship. The thing about planning trips is that the trip starts in your mind once you’re committed. I’ve been contemplating, meditating, and inquiring inside myself on what it means to be a friend to others, and to myself, and discovering how important friendship is to my health and well being.
I, too, am planning a trip taken with a small group. I usually travel alone so meeting and growing new relationships with strangers is a little daunting but exciting. Since the focus of the trip is rather narrow, I know those taking it will have that in common. This will be a great opportunity to practice opening up, sharing and giving but also patience and forbearance.
That insight that the trip starts once you start planning it - pure gold ✨
I feel so fortunate to have made a couple of new friends recently… lots of challenging questions and real talk. We are all discovering new things about ourselves through the conversations.
Being a friend to yourself is another tough one. Cheers.
I am focused on living MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST as I am aware it is winding down and entering a final chapter. To me, this means taking part in the lives of my children and grandchildren to receive the joy they give and impart what wisdom I can, traveling to see the sights I have always dreamt of seeing, staying curious and open to learning from other cultures and people not like me, experiencing the joy of staying as physically active as I can for my body and mind's sake, to share the gifts I have been given with those not as privileged as I have been and trying to discern God's presence in my life, in every person I see and in all the created world around me.
I am bringing LOVE into the world through laundromats. We are expanding the Laundry Luv brand and growing! With each location we add a children's play and literacy center, read to kids, and give books away to make a small dent in early childhood literacy. We are expanding corporate stores and just started franchising. We will have over 100 locations in the next 5 years. This will allow us to donate more than 50,000 books per year. Doing good by doing good!
Ohhh my! Bravo, Ken. Cheering you on. What a wonderful endeavour. I've seen several authors of children's books here on Substack, some piqued my interest because of the diversity of the kids within the content - different cultures, disabled... I can look through my contacts to share the ones I noted if thats useful to you.
FINDING A HOME FOR MY WRITING OTHER THAN ON SUBSTACK--leaning in to the harsh reality of rejections after spending two years on revising a memoir manuscript, taking query writing workshops and book proposal seminars, hiring developmental and content editors, incorporating feedback from about six beta readers, and hiring a consultant in the literary industry to offer personalized feedback on my first fifty pages, query, and proposal. Still, rejection after rejection. I have never felt more like giving up than I do now.
After signing with one of the titans of literary agents, my first book proposal was still rejected by everyone we sent it to at first. Finally, one editor at Zondervan took a chance on it. Because it was a commercial success, I had no trouble getting a subsequent two-book contract. But those books weren't as commercially successful, so I once again struggled to find a buyer for this next book. I sometimes wonder if it's all the rejections that made the first book better and that will make this next book amazing.
Maybe you're not being rejected, maybe you're being launched.
Oh, Kelly, thank you so much. It certainly does help to hear how other authors have found homes for their books. I know every single story is different, everyone’s pathway to publication looks different.
I think I’m struggling so much, because I used to be a successful Catholic author. I had a flourishing freelance writing business, speaking engagements every month across the nation, and I was being commissioned by editors and publishers to write books for them.
It’s been radio silence for five whole years. And it hurts. A lot. I miss writing for publication, and my family honestly needs the extra income. So…I feel adrift, I suppose, not sure if I made the right choice to try to go mainstream.
And I also thought that maybe my previous publishing history might work in my favor to demonstrate to agents that I am a serious writer and have worked collaboratively with editors and publishing teams in the past.
Sigh…
I’ll try to chew on the “maybe you’re being launched” part of this message. It is hopeful. I appreciate it so much!
Jeannie, it's good to get to know you better, as you share this. I've also run into the walls that come with floating between a clear religious niche and general market. It makes editors and publishers very nervous. Genre is one of their only reliable guiding lights in terms of sales, so when you take that away, they feel in the dark.
My encouragement to you would be this: you didn't shift to general market for the sales, but for the freedom to fully express yourself as you are now. Let that be your main metric of success, and pursue it with great passion. It will be your passion that will eventually sell your work.
It means a lot to hear from an author who has experienced something similar. In a way, I feel much like a novice, like I’m starting over in nearly every way imaginable when it comes to the literary industry. Maybe I became sophomoric before I made this switch from religious NF to mainstream. I suspected it could hit a nerve with industry experts when they learned about my former published works (because, you can Google my name and see EVERYTHING I’ve published before, as well as EVERY interview I’ve done under my previous niche). At the same time, I thought maybe there would be someone out there who was open-minded enough to at least take a chance on me. Because I know I have a shining personality, and I know I am great at communicating and collaborating, and I know I can do public speaking quite well.
So, I wait…
Thanks, Kelly! Your encouragement gives me clarity and strength.
Thank you and with compassion have enjoyed reading this thread, Jeannie. I hope my words remain encouraging, because they are. What if writing this memoir is not for the greater audience but for you alone? What if some of our writing just needs to get out of us to make room for the next version that will ultimately go into the public(or not)? I write spiritual poetry having a sense that it is ultimately to be "out in the world" – whatever that is! -but the bottom line for me is that it is called to be "out" of me! I write because the home of those emotions and feelings and observations rest on the paper, for me to read and reread and marvel that it came out of me! and then share when I am called to share . I truly believe that I'm channeling something bigger than myself because I get a little niggle to start the poem, and I'm always delighted how it ends up and feel that I am channeling the Holy Spirit in order to accomplish this. THERE is the seed of my passion. I heard a beautiful homily several weeks ago and I felt that stirring that says "there is a poem in this". I'm heading to Adoration today in order to let that particular niggle out. I think part of the passion for me is that I "have to" let it out, I am "called" to let it out. I to call encouragement to you.
Yes, that is always the first question I ask myself when I write: “Is this for me alone, or is there a universal application here?” With my memoir specifically, I felt a nudge for about three years to expand my writing outside of the niched, Catholic spirituality writing I had been doing. The inner voice: “You’re playing it too safe.”
So, it has been a discernment process for me, this memoir. I have taken it to spiritual direction for years, and it’s taken me six drafts to get to a point where it is polished enough to begin pitching, either to agents or to smaller publishing houses that don’t require agents as liaisons.
The short answer is that my original draft of my memoir was “just to get it out,” as you so aptly put it here. It was the draft for me alone. But as I shaped each draft, I drew out the parts and pieces of my story that I believed spoke into the hearts of other women, other moms specifically. This was validated by the beta readers who offered their honest feedback, and all of whom said they gleaned something from reading my story. It challenged them to think about these issues differently, deepened their empathy, opened their eyes and hearts and minds. That’s what leads me to believe my book is more than just for me.
My soul is focused on being a compassionate presence for the refugee community I serve during these first few weeks of the new administration as they express their grief, heartache, and fear for their family members who are starving, living in oppression and fear their lives, in a war zone, simply not safe in any way. Their continued hope and resilience has been a gift for my soul.
Cathy I envy your ability to help refugees as you do and commend it. I live in an area that has no opportunities as you describe so all I can do is be financially supportive and it just doesn't feel like enough.
Mary, financial support is amazing! I could not do what I do without all the people who have stepped forward and given either money, resources, or time. It all matters. And I do feel blessed to be able to work with a population who is so incredibly grateful for what the United States has done for them. Refugees do not take lightly being allowed to come to the US, live in peace, raise their family, schools to educate their children, and jobs to support themselves. It is a wonderful community to be involved with. I have grown in humility and gratitude.
Soul is focused on waking up with more peace and joy vs heavy spirit of anxiety and many mixed emotions. Can't seem to shift this no matter what I do. It does get better as I get up and move my body and get into morning rituals, but getting from bed to feet on the ground feels heavy more often then I would like. I start with one breath and prayer most mornings to get things going .
FWIW, George, I've been practicing something very unusual. Recognizing that anxiety is usually a resistance to feeling sadness, and that my efforts to be happy are just a cleverly disguised form of the same resistance, I've been starting every day by letting myself cry about what I'm sad about, or what would make me sad if it happened. With no resistance to it, the anxiety settles, and I can get on with my day. Feel free to use that, or wonder if Dr. Kelly has lost his marbles. 😊
I love this concept and have been sharing it with clients for years after reading "Tuesdays withMorrie", where each day he gives into the sadness of his ALS body progressively failing. And I think it works because it's his TRUTH. But he puts it in "a container", allowing all the feelings, anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment… for say 10 minutes, and then says "OK, that's all for today. I'll come visit you tomorrow and now I'm gonna have the best day I can today." he doesn't let it go on and on the container in this instance is the 10 minutes. TheGnostic gospels suggest the Christ said "if you bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will kill you" the Native Americans say "eat… Or be eaten". Digest, or be eaten from within.
George I get this...I too feel anxiety sometimes and while I know it is good advice to lean into it and let those emotions roil through me and away, I also discern those things that I can control and those I can't. I can try to take action to mitigate those sources of sadness I can affect but those I cannot, I struggle to put aside and move forward, allowing optimism, hope and prayer take their place.
GETTING HUMBLE - learning again that humility isn't self pitty. That I have to be willing to work from where I am for a while before any change or improvement might happen. That I have to appreciate what I have and demonstrate this by focusing on what I have more than what I want or might yet get.
Preach, brother. That's powerful. Think about that: true humility has power. The first shall be last. Blessed are the poor. Blessed are those who mourn. It's all upside down. Thank you for the reminder.
OPEN HEARTEDNESS (I wonder where I got that?). Open, instead of closed, when my feelings are hurt. Open, instead of closed, when I'm angry. Open, instead of closed, when my fears threaten to rob me of joy and peace. Open, instead of closed, when things don't go my way. Open instead of closed when self-doubt washes over me. Open instead of closed when I can't "buy" perspective. OPEN.
Donna, what a blessing to have someone I respect so much walking this openhearted journey, too. I can't wait to see you in person and trade stories about what we've learned.
MOTHERING MY NEWBORN DAUGHTER - getting to know this beautiful soul and soaking up each moment even when it’s hard ❤️
Early motherhood is SO HARD. Give yourself permission to both love it and hate it. It's gone in a flash, even though each day can be 90 hours long. My baby is almost 22, and those early days are a blur. It's beautiful that you are soaking them in as you are.
My twin daughters are 14 and I’m loving it, hating it, and wishing I could slow down time. 😵💫
James, Success magazine recently republished one of my letters to my daughter about "how fast she's walking away." It may resonate with you right now. 😢 https://www.success.com/a-daddys-letter-to-his-little-girl-about-how-fast-shes-walking-away/
Wow, so sacred, as Julie said. And you stuck the perfect landing: “I watched you walk away as closely as I knew how.”
Thank you for being the contribution you are Kelly. ❤️❤️
Oh my gosh this is so beautiful 😭😭🥰 feeling this so much with my 5 year old and I know it will be a flash and my newborn will be there too ✨
I have twin daughters that are now 35! Now I say where did all
The time go! It was a hard blessing at times but I’m so grateful that they are still alive and loving each other!
Thank you so much 🙏 ✨💕
It is sacred.
I remember those early days so fondly. I also remember, one of the first times changing his diapers, forgetting to cover him up while he was exposed, and he proceeded to pee backward into his own face. I thought I'd ruined him. 😊 So much to love and so much to fear at that stage. May you open your heart to all of it!
🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️❤️ thank you much
Yea! What an exciting time to welcome this new little one and birth yourself as mom. Enjoy!
PRESENCE WITH MY KIDS - creating space and time for us to escape the digital influences. Devices away. Be together.
So good. FWIW, we use this thing to help us with that, and it does! https://www.goaro.com/
Hi Kelly, the reality is that my soul is right now focused on today's ONCOLOGY APPOINTMENT
Everyday life of medical appointments and caregiving is tempered with creating a network via Carer Mentor and together, all of it feels 'good tired' nourishing—even if my adrenalin is spiking in anticipation of the appointment, hoping the journey to and from another city will go smoothly etc. Mindfulness exercises will be going on in the car to slow thoughts down;-) I'll be back later.
Blessings, Victoria...blessings.
Thank you Donna xo This is all part and parcel of the larger caregiving rollercoaster. I've become quite adept and riding through...we definitely count our blessings for the good folks supporting us. Extra blessings are always very gratefully received! xo
Thank you for sharing this, Victoria, and for redeeming your day just a little bit by reminding everyone who reads this that the soul has its work cut out for it, as it navigates the pain, uncertainty, and vulnerabilities of our humanity. May you somehow experience a peace that surpasses all understanding today.
Thanks, Kelly; we're home, safe and sound, travel, and the appointment went fine. I appreciate your kind words.
I'm sure every soul has unique challenges and loop-de-loops of rollercoasters—such is the life we all lead as mortals. I was grateful to vent some stress-angst here!
Now, we can relax at home-music is on and a cup of tea is in hand.
Victoria, I started reading while trying to formulate my all caps contribution. I saw your first post and started hoping you would have a positive outcome to your appointment. I was thinking "how can this Carer Mentor:Empathy and Inspiration warrior juggle all of this today?" By the time I read further, I saw that you had already made it back home, and your appointment "went fine". Unique challenges, loop-de-loops of rollercoasters, and venting are huge things to get through. Thank you for sharing, and blessings while you have your tea <3!!!
Thanks, Laurie. xo Blessings back to you xo
Bless you for thinking I'm a warrior! Juggler absolutely. These days, I tend to try to make peace and struggle less - it's all relative, though! (in comparison to early caregiver days or the dark dark days). It's very difficult learning that grit and grind was me expending more energy...
All that to say, I may seem like a warrior, but actually, I like to think of water moving with/around/changing...I still get caught in eddys and whirlpools though ;-)
Thank you!! Off to get more Jasmine tea.
I am blessed to have had this connection with you today Victoria 💖
Awwww schucks! Abundant blessings, thanks to Kelly's Humaning! xo
Thank you for this update, Victoria. It makes me happy to picture you back at home with music and tea. 😊
I'm saying a prayer for you as you travel today, Victoria. Thank you for sharing your situation and state of mind. Let us know how it went!
Thanks, Brenda. All prayers are very gratefully received and worked - there was glorious sunshine on the journey, and the views were lovely. I'm relieved to be home, no big delays. As I'm sure you can appreciate, given your experience, I'll never really get over the high-alert, stress of orchestrating wheelchair, bags, safety, questions, notes etc etc. The sunshine and drive home was calming. xo
DROPPING MY GUARD & FINDING WAYS TO SHARE MORE - with my voice and my writing. To participate, support and connect. A lifelong project - both challenging and joyful.
Do it! My words for the year are connection and community. We need both so much right now.
Connection and community are great words. And so are "do it"! 😂
🤣🤣🤣
Ha! Yes, Nike was on to something in the '90s! 😂
Blessings upon you, Susannah, as you boldly share from your true self with your written and spoken word!
WRITING MY SECOND BOOK- I teach a 6 week online course called Intentional Eating which applies yogic principles to how we approach food and ourselves. I decided to write a book, of the same title, to both accompany the course and stand on its own. I am on the 3rd revision and will give it to my "editor" who is also my dad, for his feedback hopefully this or next week. I'm excited about it!
So inspiring ✨
What an amazing thing to be able to partner with your father in!
Congrats on doing it a second time after completing the first - that’s huge!
LONGING FOR GOD AND TURNING TOWARDS OTHERS - I am attending a course on the Song of Songs by Rabbi Menachem Feldman. He has beautifully described the soul's longing for intimacy with God and turning towards the suffering to bring God's presence to them. This dynamic dance is captured in the Song of Songs. It has brought insights and understanding to what I experience within myself.
Beautiful Julia. Thank you for drawing my attention to the Song of Songs and the mystical dance.
I took a Song of Songs workshop last year with Pillar Seminary and in just over an hour, my mind was BLOWN!
I find myself in a similar path right now. It's tough because I learned that I need to let go of some habits and time wasting activities and I feel like resisting a bit more than I like.
It stands out, along with Ecclesiastes as one of those books of the Bible with no peer. Thank you for articulating it so eloquently here, Julia!
This sounds like a wonderful place for your soul to be, Julia. I believe it is in God's compassionate presence, seeing his heart for struggling people, that we gain our desire to be that presence for others. It's good for us and good for the people we care for!
PRAYING CONTINUOUSLY — learning to constantly turn my thoughts into conversation with Christ and to feel close to him, to know him back.
Mmm. It can't be accomplished, only practiced. I admire your practice, Deidre.
Thanks, Kelly. You're so right—impossible to accomplish all the time, and still 100% worth trying anyway.
Journaling through NOT: holding on too tightly; trying to control every outcome; every next step; every uncertainty…. Focusing on a mantra of - Shift. Release. Trust. As I continue down the path of watching my mom slowly die of metastatic cancer on hospice.
So. Hard. Prayers for you.
Opening our heart to the hardest things is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and our people. Your loving her well by releasing her, Corey. 🙏
Sending you love and prayers for both you and your Mom, Corey.
I curated a Cancer Anthology with other writer-publishers, that I launched yesterday on World Cancer Day— an expanding resource to share our unique experiences, offer recommendations of support organisations and books AND to offer a portal to others who 'get it' by highlighting their work. I've travelled several bittersweet painful journeys. It's all freely available if you need it. HUGS
Watching, accompanying, praying with our loved ones who are dying has both sacred and grieving elements. Remaining open hearted in those spaces allows you to receive God's embrace.
DEEPENING FRIENDSHIPS. I am going to Mexico next week for a wellness workshop and the theme is friendship. The thing about planning trips is that the trip starts in your mind once you’re committed. I’ve been contemplating, meditating, and inquiring inside myself on what it means to be a friend to others, and to myself, and discovering how important friendship is to my health and well being.
Please report back on what you discover afterward, James. Of course, do it on your Substack, which everyone would do well to read. 😊
I, too, am planning a trip taken with a small group. I usually travel alone so meeting and growing new relationships with strangers is a little daunting but exciting. Since the focus of the trip is rather narrow, I know those taking it will have that in common. This will be a great opportunity to practice opening up, sharing and giving but also patience and forbearance.
Mary, thank you for the kind and thoughtful reply. I will carry your perspective into the small group of new friends I meet. 🙏
That insight that the trip starts once you start planning it - pure gold ✨
I feel so fortunate to have made a couple of new friends recently… lots of challenging questions and real talk. We are all discovering new things about ourselves through the conversations.
Being a friend to yourself is another tough one. Cheers.
I am focused on living MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST as I am aware it is winding down and entering a final chapter. To me, this means taking part in the lives of my children and grandchildren to receive the joy they give and impart what wisdom I can, traveling to see the sights I have always dreamt of seeing, staying curious and open to learning from other cultures and people not like me, experiencing the joy of staying as physically active as I can for my body and mind's sake, to share the gifts I have been given with those not as privileged as I have been and trying to discern God's presence in my life, in every person I see and in all the created world around me.
"Ditto" may not seem as appropriate as some other word, but it's the very first thing that came into my mind, Mary!
I'm blessed and challenged by this. Thank you, Mary.
I am bringing LOVE into the world through laundromats. We are expanding the Laundry Luv brand and growing! With each location we add a children's play and literacy center, read to kids, and give books away to make a small dent in early childhood literacy. We are expanding corporate stores and just started franchising. We will have over 100 locations in the next 5 years. This will allow us to donate more than 50,000 books per year. Doing good by doing good!
I love the way you care for people in everything you do, my friend.
Ohhh my! Bravo, Ken. Cheering you on. What a wonderful endeavour. I've seen several authors of children's books here on Substack, some piqued my interest because of the diversity of the kids within the content - different cultures, disabled... I can look through my contacts to share the ones I noted if thats useful to you.
FINDING A HOME FOR MY WRITING OTHER THAN ON SUBSTACK--leaning in to the harsh reality of rejections after spending two years on revising a memoir manuscript, taking query writing workshops and book proposal seminars, hiring developmental and content editors, incorporating feedback from about six beta readers, and hiring a consultant in the literary industry to offer personalized feedback on my first fifty pages, query, and proposal. Still, rejection after rejection. I have never felt more like giving up than I do now.
Jeannie, I hope this encourages you:
After signing with one of the titans of literary agents, my first book proposal was still rejected by everyone we sent it to at first. Finally, one editor at Zondervan took a chance on it. Because it was a commercial success, I had no trouble getting a subsequent two-book contract. But those books weren't as commercially successful, so I once again struggled to find a buyer for this next book. I sometimes wonder if it's all the rejections that made the first book better and that will make this next book amazing.
Maybe you're not being rejected, maybe you're being launched.
Oh, Kelly, thank you so much. It certainly does help to hear how other authors have found homes for their books. I know every single story is different, everyone’s pathway to publication looks different.
I think I’m struggling so much, because I used to be a successful Catholic author. I had a flourishing freelance writing business, speaking engagements every month across the nation, and I was being commissioned by editors and publishers to write books for them.
It’s been radio silence for five whole years. And it hurts. A lot. I miss writing for publication, and my family honestly needs the extra income. So…I feel adrift, I suppose, not sure if I made the right choice to try to go mainstream.
And I also thought that maybe my previous publishing history might work in my favor to demonstrate to agents that I am a serious writer and have worked collaboratively with editors and publishing teams in the past.
Sigh…
I’ll try to chew on the “maybe you’re being launched” part of this message. It is hopeful. I appreciate it so much!
Jeannie, it's good to get to know you better, as you share this. I've also run into the walls that come with floating between a clear religious niche and general market. It makes editors and publishers very nervous. Genre is one of their only reliable guiding lights in terms of sales, so when you take that away, they feel in the dark.
My encouragement to you would be this: you didn't shift to general market for the sales, but for the freedom to fully express yourself as you are now. Let that be your main metric of success, and pursue it with great passion. It will be your passion that will eventually sell your work.
It means a lot to hear from an author who has experienced something similar. In a way, I feel much like a novice, like I’m starting over in nearly every way imaginable when it comes to the literary industry. Maybe I became sophomoric before I made this switch from religious NF to mainstream. I suspected it could hit a nerve with industry experts when they learned about my former published works (because, you can Google my name and see EVERYTHING I’ve published before, as well as EVERY interview I’ve done under my previous niche). At the same time, I thought maybe there would be someone out there who was open-minded enough to at least take a chance on me. Because I know I have a shining personality, and I know I am great at communicating and collaborating, and I know I can do public speaking quite well.
So, I wait…
Thanks, Kelly! Your encouragement gives me clarity and strength.
Thank you and with compassion have enjoyed reading this thread, Jeannie. I hope my words remain encouraging, because they are. What if writing this memoir is not for the greater audience but for you alone? What if some of our writing just needs to get out of us to make room for the next version that will ultimately go into the public(or not)? I write spiritual poetry having a sense that it is ultimately to be "out in the world" – whatever that is! -but the bottom line for me is that it is called to be "out" of me! I write because the home of those emotions and feelings and observations rest on the paper, for me to read and reread and marvel that it came out of me! and then share when I am called to share . I truly believe that I'm channeling something bigger than myself because I get a little niggle to start the poem, and I'm always delighted how it ends up and feel that I am channeling the Holy Spirit in order to accomplish this. THERE is the seed of my passion. I heard a beautiful homily several weeks ago and I felt that stirring that says "there is a poem in this". I'm heading to Adoration today in order to let that particular niggle out. I think part of the passion for me is that I "have to" let it out, I am "called" to let it out. I to call encouragement to you.
Hi Heather,
Yes, that is always the first question I ask myself when I write: “Is this for me alone, or is there a universal application here?” With my memoir specifically, I felt a nudge for about three years to expand my writing outside of the niched, Catholic spirituality writing I had been doing. The inner voice: “You’re playing it too safe.”
So, it has been a discernment process for me, this memoir. I have taken it to spiritual direction for years, and it’s taken me six drafts to get to a point where it is polished enough to begin pitching, either to agents or to smaller publishing houses that don’t require agents as liaisons.
The short answer is that my original draft of my memoir was “just to get it out,” as you so aptly put it here. It was the draft for me alone. But as I shaped each draft, I drew out the parts and pieces of my story that I believed spoke into the hearts of other women, other moms specifically. This was validated by the beta readers who offered their honest feedback, and all of whom said they gleaned something from reading my story. It challenged them to think about these issues differently, deepened their empathy, opened their eyes and hearts and minds. That’s what leads me to believe my book is more than just for me.
My soul is focused on being a compassionate presence for the refugee community I serve during these first few weeks of the new administration as they express their grief, heartache, and fear for their family members who are starving, living in oppression and fear their lives, in a war zone, simply not safe in any way. Their continued hope and resilience has been a gift for my soul.
You inspire me, Cathy. Thank you for the beautiful you're doing in the world. 🙏
Thanks Kelly! My clients are inspiring. Their determination to keep moving forward with hope is quite remarkable.
Cathy I envy your ability to help refugees as you do and commend it. I live in an area that has no opportunities as you describe so all I can do is be financially supportive and it just doesn't feel like enough.
Mary, financial support is amazing! I could not do what I do without all the people who have stepped forward and given either money, resources, or time. It all matters. And I do feel blessed to be able to work with a population who is so incredibly grateful for what the United States has done for them. Refugees do not take lightly being allowed to come to the US, live in peace, raise their family, schools to educate their children, and jobs to support themselves. It is a wonderful community to be involved with. I have grown in humility and gratitude.
Soul is focused on waking up with more peace and joy vs heavy spirit of anxiety and many mixed emotions. Can't seem to shift this no matter what I do. It does get better as I get up and move my body and get into morning rituals, but getting from bed to feet on the ground feels heavy more often then I would like. I start with one breath and prayer most mornings to get things going .
I hear and feel this, George. You're not alone.
FWIW, George, I've been practicing something very unusual. Recognizing that anxiety is usually a resistance to feeling sadness, and that my efforts to be happy are just a cleverly disguised form of the same resistance, I've been starting every day by letting myself cry about what I'm sad about, or what would make me sad if it happened. With no resistance to it, the anxiety settles, and I can get on with my day. Feel free to use that, or wonder if Dr. Kelly has lost his marbles. 😊
I love this concept and have been sharing it with clients for years after reading "Tuesdays withMorrie", where each day he gives into the sadness of his ALS body progressively failing. And I think it works because it's his TRUTH. But he puts it in "a container", allowing all the feelings, anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment… for say 10 minutes, and then says "OK, that's all for today. I'll come visit you tomorrow and now I'm gonna have the best day I can today." he doesn't let it go on and on the container in this instance is the 10 minutes. TheGnostic gospels suggest the Christ said "if you bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will kill you" the Native Americans say "eat… Or be eaten". Digest, or be eaten from within.
The truth (your truth) will set you free.
George I get this...I too feel anxiety sometimes and while I know it is good advice to lean into it and let those emotions roil through me and away, I also discern those things that I can control and those I can't. I can try to take action to mitigate those sources of sadness I can affect but those I cannot, I struggle to put aside and move forward, allowing optimism, hope and prayer take their place.
You are not alone. This resonates with my experience, too ❤️🩹
Sending love and blessings George! I can relate with my version of this. One step at a time!
GETTING HUMBLE - learning again that humility isn't self pitty. That I have to be willing to work from where I am for a while before any change or improvement might happen. That I have to appreciate what I have and demonstrate this by focusing on what I have more than what I want or might yet get.
Preach, brother. That's powerful. Think about that: true humility has power. The first shall be last. Blessed are the poor. Blessed are those who mourn. It's all upside down. Thank you for the reminder.
OPEN HEARTEDNESS (I wonder where I got that?). Open, instead of closed, when my feelings are hurt. Open, instead of closed, when I'm angry. Open, instead of closed, when my fears threaten to rob me of joy and peace. Open, instead of closed, when things don't go my way. Open instead of closed when self-doubt washes over me. Open instead of closed when I can't "buy" perspective. OPEN.
Donna, what a blessing to have someone I respect so much walking this openhearted journey, too. I can't wait to see you in person and trade stories about what we've learned.
Donna, when faced with the same situations, I always try to choose LOVE rather than it's alternative. Which is another way of being open.